Homage to Momentum

I love to experience live music.  One of my indulgences in life is attending Jazzfest in New Orleans during years when I am able, which at this point is most of the last 20+ years.  The celebratory and inclusive nature of the festival and the city creates a music lover’s paradise.  For two solid weekends in the spring (although this year Jazzfest will take place in October), there exists a feast of bands and solo artists and orchestras and choirs of all musical genres and ages, playing on outdoor stages, in clubs and churches and out in the streets, all within the most unique city in the United States.

Live music is something I missed greatly during the pandemic, and I am glad it is slowly creeping back into my life.

In the absence of seeing many live performances since March of last year,  I have been giving some thought to what I have missed about seeing music created and delivered in the flesh and in the moment.  Inspiring has always been the word that comes to mind when it comes to live music. I am inspired by seeing a musician generously offer her talent and craft in front of a grateful audience, and then be willing to receive and feed off of the energy that is returned.  And who doesn’t crave inspiration?

Momentum and Inspiration

But as I have been meditating further on the topic of live music, and listening to some of my favorite live performances, the word I find myself returning to is momentum.  My mind is drawn as much or more to the momentum of the bass or drum line in a song, and the recurrence of themes and refrains.  These create the forward progress necessary for the individual artist or member of the ensemble to embark on some inspiring freelancing or solo tangent.  Following that excursion, the music comes back home, and there is that drumbeat or bass line or familiar theme.  Some new momentum starts to gather, which then leads to another explosion of innovation.

Andy, my best friend since childhood, used to frequently mention the idea of momentum when we were growing up.  He was always noting whether a family situation or a game or a social gathering had positive or negative momentum associated with it.  Sometimes, when things were really humming along nicely, Andy and I would catch eyes and with a glimmer he would quietly say “Momentum” in a dead serious way.  The M word became somewhat of an inside joke between us over the years, but now I realize that Andy was onto something akin to ancient wisdom at a young age.

It’s hard to know the exact formula on one side of the equation that equates to inspiration on the other, but I’m sure momentum is a key variable in it.  Sometimes an inspiring idea is the cause of what later leads to momentum.  But no matter from which side of the equation one begins, I believe momentum should be the goal.  Inspiration can be fleeting and elusive in our lives, whereas momentum is something we can strive for and create.

When I am feeling stuck these days, instead of chasing inspiration, one of the first things I do (often with some great live music in the background) is write down on a notepad or a journal the places in my life where I am experiencing positive momentum.  I look at the list and take some time to appreciate the fact that there are any items on it at all, and try to see any patterns in what I wrote down.  I also note where I am feeling or experiencing negative momentum - i.e., where some negative situation in my life is picking up speed and force.  Just listing these out and doing some quiet reflecting on the matter helps set me on a course of intentionally minimizing the negative momentum items and overinvesting in the most positive ones.

Sometimes, with a little luck and a lot of effort, I can sustain focus on positive momentum activities to the point where some inspiration is produced.  Maybe nothing as inspiring as creating a great piece of music or work of art, but I believe inspiration comes in many forms, and is a deeply personal experience more focused on others than oneself.  And inspiration can be any size - what might seem small to one of us can be huge in the life of another.  

Getting Un-Stuck

There are times when I embark on my list-journal exercise and I feel utterly tapped out.  The positive momentum list is a null set.  That is a good time to ask for some help - I usually phone Andy, or my brother, or speak to my wife or another confidant.  Invariably they help me see that my list is not actually empty.  They will point to something they think I am doing really well in life at that moment, for myself or for others, and that un-sticks my thinking and enables me to push on.  They help me identify and build momentum where I did not recognize it.

The best help I ever received along these lines came when I was about 12 years old.  I was struggling with my weight, and self conscious.  My mom pulled me aside early one Sunday morning and asked me if I was unhappy, and it led to a tearful conversation about a lot of things, including this one thing I wanted to change about myself, but not knowing how or where to start.

My mom asked if I wanted her help and I said yes.  She devised a secret (and in hindsight, overly subtle) sign that she would offer to me when she thought my prodigious appetite was getting the better of me, when I might need reminding to reign things in a bit.  The sign was sort of an upward lifting of her chin and nose while simultaneously stretching out her neck. (Like I said, overly subtle in hindsight.)

My mom had promised to make pancakes that day, which were a favorite of mine.  After our talk, we went to the kitchen and I sat with my siblings and our dad, and my mom proceeded to serve up tall stacks of fluffy pancakes.  My siblings eventually finished and left the table.  I stayed, happily eating, talking to my dad about our beloved Phillies who were looking good that year.  Each time my mom would ask me if I wanted another serving, she would move her face and neck in this weird way that I sort of noticed but didn’t pay attention to, as I replied yes I wanted more.  She would do the same movement again when she set the new plate in front of me.  I vaguely figured she had a stiff neck, and I kept downing the flapjacks.

Finally, stuffed and talked-out on the MLB, I got up and cleared my place.  It was just my mom and me in the kitchen by that time, and she gently said to me: “I think we need a new sign.”  My mom always had laughter in her eyes, and we both burst out laughing in that moment as I recalled our earlier morning chat and realized she had been trying unsuccessfully to give me the sign numerous times.   

Despite the fact that my mom and I were together trying to solve a problem that for me felt big and hard, and was the source of sadness, that moment in the kitchen was light and full of possibility, like we were in the early phases of a brilliant improvisation.  We agreed on a new sign which was way less subtle and easier for me to pick up.  I now realize that my mom was also graciously and with good humor giving me permission in that moment to simply begin again to face my challenge, and not beat myself up for the initial failure.

The new sign we developed started to take hold, and I slowly began to pay more attention to my eating habits.  It took a few years and there were other restarts, but momentum was built and rebuilt, and eventually I no longer needed my mom’s signal.

Moving Forward

Looking back on that time in my life, the result is inspiring for me to think about - I achieved something that was hard.  And the starting point is inspiring to ponder - I wanted to change something.  But when I dig deeper into recalling that period, I realize that what transpired during the long middle between those inspiring bookends was the real stuff of life and of change.  Having an advocate to help me, putting into place a process, developing and repeating habits, putting forth some effort every day, beginning again after setbacks, doing the drudgery necessary to create and capture momentum and forward progress where I could, in an effort to become a better and happier version of myself, made me closer to the person I wanted to project to the world.

I am trying to pay much more attention these days to identifying, feeding and creating momentum in my life and in the lives of others, and less time chasing that moment of genius.  When I experience the glory of something really inspiring, I acknowledge that I am witnessing an end result.  I mentally count up the hours invested to get there, the starts and stops, the periods of self-doubt that had to be pushed through, the momentum that had to be created and recreated in order to get to this point.  And I am inspired, and push on.  

Jeff Constable | 5.23.2021

Song Recommendation

I admit to sometimes getting a little obsessed with certain songs or pieces of music.  Lately, I have been listening to Ain’t Gwine to Whistle Dixie (Anymo’) by Taj Mahal.  It is a nine-minute instrumental piece of music by Taj and an ensemble band, with traces of rock, blues and jazz.  The version I love to listen to was played during a live performance, and having seen Taj Mahal play many times I can picture myself swaying in the crowd as the band plays.  I listened to this song a lot while I was writing this, in case you want to check it out.