Hollowness doesn't speak, it sings!

Hollowness doesn’t speak, it sings

All my life I was scared to be called a Hollow. “He is hollow” I am hollow-headed”, such a phrase would haunt me. The unconscious self-protection, self-preservation mechanism of my ego would take over and come to my rescue. I would seek validation, approvals, and sometimes attention only to get more validation. I would also show off my knowledge, little experience wisdom only to tell myself that it was worth it. I read books, did courses, and acquired knowledge just to ensure I wasn’t hollow. The fear of hollowness, the race to be intelligent, to be seen as smart, wise, and to be accepted drove my actions, fueled my thoughts and I think it leaked from my behavior. Then comes a point where you feel full, where you think you know it all, you believe you are gifted because “Oh I knew the answer” Oh I know what that means” Oh I can quote this and that”. I was stuck in that vortex for many years. It erodes your listening, it disallows you to be authentic and display compassion. This sort of erosion is not seen with naked eyes. Unable to feel it, you continue on the pseudo joy ride, basking in the glory of knowingness. And then the bubble bursts. It did for me as well. A soft voice within tells you “ boy, slow down”. It sends you a message “ why are you under the pressure to be always right”. It whispers in odd silent moments “it fine to not know, its fine to be hollow”

That moment, when it comes, changes your life and perspective. At that moment the journey to becoming Hollow 2.0 starts again. Your return to shunya, nothingness begins. I am glad it happened to me. I am blessed that I got tired of knowing, I am grateful that I allowed myself to be free of any burden. A desire to just keep all your knowledge, intellect, ego, and self-identity aside blossoms. It's painful yet liberating. The tussle between “ I know it all “ and “ I want to be hollow” is as much rewarding as hurtful. You then come to a point where you start shedding the layers. You let go of the attachment, the possessiveness towards acquired knowledge, you create space for foolishness, innocence, curiosity, and coexistence. The need to be full and avoid the risk of not being hollow dies. Because the love towards a new kind of hollowness rises.

When I listen, I want to be aware of my judgments, when I fight, I return to my ground and bury the ego, when I learn, read, or get praised, I accept it with a smile and allow it to pass. Because I want to be silent, hollow, and at peace. Hollowness, even a sincere, disciplined attempt allows me to be in tune with myself, with the feelings I am harboring and the emotions I am going through.

Does the hollowness of the past haunt? Hell, yeah! But then you smile, wink the eye and say “Hollowness doesn’t speak, it sings.

Listen to the music folks. Embrace the silence between the breath, feel the silence amidst the noise of the mind. Slowly and steadily, like a butterfly, hollowness sits on your shoulder.

You may read a thousand books, knowledge of any form is memory. The memory of any form is luggage. Life as we see is a long train ride and hence you must travel light.