The holidays + self-compassion

The holidays can be tough for many. Experts say spread kindness, learn self-compassion

This time of year, jolly messages wishing?good tidings to all seem to come faster than romance in?a sappy holiday movie. While positivity may be welcomed, for many, the holidays?can also come with anxiety, stress, or depression.?

“When it comes to the holidays, a number of things can be a trigger,” said Angelica Williams, LPC,?integrated care therapist at Gundersen Health System. “Family engagements, unrealistic expectations set by media or family—what family is or what the holidays mean—and grief and loss can come up.”?

Williams encourages people to learn to be kind and compassionate to themselves during this time. She said many times, people say nice things to others but struggle to say those things to themselves.?

“We tend to be harder on ourselves and our own worst critics. Self-deprecation is ridiculously prominent, especially in a culture where comparison is high,” said Williams.?

So what about self-compassion?

According to the Greater Good Science Center at the University of Berkeley, practicing self-compassion makes people more willing to accept difficult feelings and acknowledge them with kindness. But being kind shouldn’t stop with yourself.?

“The really cool thing about being kind to others is it helps you too,” said Carla Lundeen, director of Great Rivers 2-1-1, a hotline supported by Gundersen for people in need of a variety of services. “Things you can do are big and small. If there’s a blanket drive in your community, you can donate one blanket and that feels so good to you and it also helps somebody else out.”?

Williams also recommended finding ways to break out of your comfort zone and experience new things. Williams said seeking help from a behavioral health professional can address bigger problems within a person’s life.?

“In therapy, a therapist is able to point out things you may not be aware of and bring a bit of awareness to your situation,” said Williams.

What groups are available if I need support?

If you need help and are unsure of where to turn, Lundeen said making a phone call 2-1-1 can help. 2-1-1 representatives are available around the clock and?can connect you with community resources like support groups.?

“Talking to people who are facing similar challenges is great because you know you’re not alone and you also know they might have some ideas that can help you,” said Lundeen.?

Lundeen also recommended calling the Mental Health Crisis and Suicide Prevention at 9-8-8 in moments of crisis. Like 2-1-1, representatives are available night and day.?

“We know those feelings of depression and sadness don’t just happen on a 9 to 5 basis. We know that sometimes at 10 o’clock at night, you just need someone to talk to,” said Lundeen.?

Both phone numbers are free to use, anyone is welcome to call, and the conversations remain confidential.

The stress of the holidays will pass, and winter eventually turns to spring, but that doesn’t mean kindness to ourselves and others should end.?

“It’s important to always spread kindness,” Williams said. “Be a representation of who you desire to be.”??