Holidays, and the New Year New Me…

A couple of weeks ago, one of my teachers at the university arrived 30 minutes late to class. Considering that the teacher is also a practicing psychologist, we all assumed it was probably related to a client, so nobody made a big deal out of it. Of course, the client comes first. But this was not where the story ended. Soon, the teacher started venting about how annoying it is that she has to be in class. After all, Christmas is coming, and around the holidays people are desperate, so for a psychologist, this period of the year is a gold mine. She expected us to understand her frustration that instead of making money, she had to "waste her time" with us. Saying this to a room full of soon-to-be psychologists—well, I think you can imagine our reaction. I guess psychologists need bucks in the bank too...

This introduction only serves to illustrate how much the “helping” industry feeds on the uncertainties people feel during the holiday season. This is the time when people start showing up at our doorsteps (be it at work or with family) telling us how they can be the rock in times of uncertainty, someone we can rely on. It’s also the time when bookstores are stacked wall-to-wall with self-help books, promising eternal wealth and sunshine, and when “gift the gift of a better me” programs sell out in minutes. Again, they all feed on our fears, doubts, and anxieties to put more bucks in the bank. They promise fixes for all the problems you couldn’t manage to solve by yourself all year long. Don’t get me wrong, there is genuine help out there, but it’s available year-round and doesn’t come knocking only during the holidays.

The truth is, there are no certainties. Especially not these days. Last week, I had clients whose companies are downsizing, others trapped in extremely toxic workplaces where leaders say things like, “Well, if you don’t like it, quit. See where you find another job.” And still others whose companies decided to close shop. So, no, we are not living in happy and carefree times. However, letting others feed on our fears in these times might not be the best choice to make. Whatever you choose to do over the holidays, make sure to spend at least some of the time as you truly wish. Not as you “must.”

Now, assuming we manage to survive the holidays, the New Year comes around. If you think about it, it’s just another day on the calendar, which goes round and round. Yet, we’re pressured into making new plans, new goals, and resolutions. For what? So we have something to feel bad about at the end of the year if what we manifested and put under the pillow didn’t happen?

Instead of making big plans and resolutions—especially in times of uncertainty—the best cure is small, deliberate actions. Make choices, and commit to them. As Rollo May said, “Commitment is healthiest when it is not without doubt, but in spite of doubt.” Will we ever be completely sure about a decision we’re about to make? Probably not. So, when making choices in uncertain times, it’s okay to be half sure, but be fully committed. This is the only way that, if another miracle worker comes our way, we won’t fall back into self-doubt and freeze. There will always be uncertainty. We will never be 100% sure of what to commit to, but by making the choice our own, we at least gain ownership and accountability for the outcome—even if we fail. Even in failure, we build confidence and experience, which is still much better than spending our lives philosophizing about “what ifs” and waiting for better times, better choices, and so on.

The worst decision is not making a decision. As Kierkegaard said, when we avoid making a choice, “then the choice will be made by the dark forces living within us.” And as we can see, the world around us has learned to exploit those dark forces quite fruitfully.

So, for the coming year, instead of buying into the next “New Year, New Me” program, journal, or workbook, start by making small, deliberate decisions for your future. Focus on actions that bring you even one millimetre closer to where you want to be. If you’re worried about your job becoming obsolete, take a course or learn a new skill relevant to your field. If you dislike your current role, update your CV and begin applying for positions—even those where you feel less than fully qualified. Each interview will help you grow your confidence and decision-making muscles. These small steps aren’t just about moving forward; they’re about taking ownership of your choices and building the habit of responsibility.

Own it, commit to it, and take responsibility for the outcomes—whether you succeed or fail. Because even in failure, you gain experience and confidence, which is far better than spending your life wondering “what if.”