Holiday Thriving: Do as I say, NOT as I did

The holidays have always been my canvas of joy. As a single mom and corporate leader, I didn't approach my holiday preparations with martyrdom or pride—I looked forward to the season of getting together, with twinkling lights and sparkles everywhere.

Every project, every decoration, and every meal preparation sparked genuine joy for me. I loved creating community and belonging for all who joined the celebrations in my home, and I did it all with a deep sense of connection and excitement (and yes, exhaustion!).

There were a few years when I had the support of a partner, but most of the time, I did it all on my own. At the time, I wasn't aware that my "hyper-independence" was quietly limiting the joy and connection in my life. I simply did what "sparked joy" – fully owning every choice, even the ones I didn't consciously make. For better or for worse, I was always in the driver's seat of my life.

Over the years, I simplified my holiday to-do tasks without compromising my ultimate goal of opening my home to gatherings of friends and family. Yet, I can't help but wonder:

What if I had recognized earlier how my hyper-independence was holding me back from something even better? What support could I have asked for? What thoughts kept me from reaching out? How might things have been different for me and my daughter?

Connected and Aligned Planning: Let Intention Lead The Way

If I could time travel back 30 years, I would reimagine my holiday planning by spreading my intention of "having my needs met by having everyone's needs met" to include an invitation for my loved ones to share their individual joy, desires, and concerns for the season.

The Family Holiday Planning Summit (the part I did not do)

Imagine sitting together, everyone present and engaged, getting intentional about the upcoming holidays. (Perhaps this could become a new tradition in 2024!)

How would our holiday planning and enjoyment be elevated by genuinely sharing what "sparks joy" for each of us?*

Invite them to include:

• Sharing Favorite Holiday Memories: Each person tells a story of a holiday moment that brought them joy, Exploring why that moment was special, Putting OUR words as what truly matters to our family
• Connecting with Desires and Concerns: What are we most looking forward to? Which traditions do we love? Which ones no longer bring us joy? What might cause stress or anxiety? How can we support each other through challenging moments?
• Collaborative Planning and Asking for Help: Sharing what's important this holiday season, Planning necessary events (school concerts, trips, family visits), Identifying specific support needed for various tasks, Assigning age-appropriate responsibilities, Ensuring everyone feels included and valuable

This isn't just planning – it becomes our shared narrative of joy, support, and intentional celebration.

The Subtle Art of Asking for Help

My journey of hyper-independence wasn't a choice, but a default setting. Asking for help wasn't something I avoided – it was an option that didn't even exist in my mental landscape.

Over the years, I've been learning – and it remains very much a learning process – that help is available, and we are indeed better with support. We are fully resourced!

'Tis the Season of RECEIVING

If asking for help isn't your common practice, here are suggestions that have transformed how I create space for rest and joy during busy times:

Ways to Invite Support:

• Delegate specific tasks to specific family members – DELEGATE
• Hire help for: Cleaning, snow removal, yard work, housekeeping tasks, Pre-, during, and post-party support
• Use convenience services: Grocery delivery, Airport pickups, Renting plates and glasses, Ordering from local bakers, order charcuterie platters (all platters)
• Leverage your community: Potluck contributions, Cookie exchanges, Shared meal preparation, Childcare, or pet-sitting coordination
• Consider these: No gifts, Re-gifting, Handmade gifts, Thrift store finds, Experience gifts, Supporting local businesses, Sponsoring a family

Remember, you're not just managing the holidays – you're designing them with intention, care, and love.

What one form of support can you invite into your holiday experience this year?

“Do They Know It’s Christmas Time At All?” (1984 BANDAID)

There is enough hardship around the world that makes us feel that sharing in the joy we may create with loved ones, in our privilege, is dissonant with all that we aspire for everyone on this planet.

Open your heart to feel joy and gratitude while also feeling sorrow and despair for the suffering of others.?

Feeling joy while we bring along our sadness and sorrow is REVOLUTIONARY.

How can I model societal care during the holiday season?

Sincere wishes for a holiday time with Joy, Rest, and a connected heart!

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??This article is written from the unceded and stolen traditional land of the Syilx Peoples of the Okanagan.

We create a safe space for all – When we refer to families, we refer to families of all shapes and sizes.