A Holiday Season Filled With Perspective
This holiday season has been a bit of a whirlwind for me. And for those of you who have witnessed my recent withdrawal, and for the sake of fully processing it myself, I’d like to explain:
I found out a few weeks back that my two kids and their mother all got sick with COVID. All are well and recovered now but that meant not spending the holidays with them. Then one morning my mother called explaining that my grandfather had been to the hospital twice in the past three days and wouldn't last much longer. Since I couldn’t be with my family anyway I decided to make the trip to my mothers place in Columbus.
I was happy to make it out here as I wanted to see my grandfather before he passed as well as help my mother with the transition. We got to play a few more games of rummy, we went out to dinner and had some great conversations. Then one day on a trip to the doctors office, Burt, my grandfather, nearly fell twice even while using a walker. By the next day he couldn't get out of bed. Over the next few days of caring for him I got to know my grandfather in some pretty intimate ways and unfortunately see him rapidly decline.
He spent his final days and hours at home. Despite being unresponsive, we played cards in the room with him, played him some of his favorite music, talked about our favorite memories and even shared a margarita, my mothers and mine in a glass and his...on a margarita soaked cotton swab.
Yesterday morning he finally passed. He’d been praying for it for sometime and was ready to move onto the next stage in his journey. Emotions came as they do during these times and my mother and I spent the day basically anywhere but the house.
Through this time I found it difficult to focus on much else other than the situation at hand. I had meant to spend this holiday season doing some major planning and coordinating of the year to come. I felt like I was letting my team down. Like I was lost in a fog and was worried about finding my heading.
But when I reached out to my boss, Michael Hansen, and explained the situation his response was short and to the point:
“Don’t worry about anything.
Be where you need to be brother.
I love you. We are with you. Always. On your six.”
That meant everything to me. In the trying days that followed that text I got a lot of support from my team as well as perspective. They reminded me to be in the moment, to realize this experience would make me a better man, father and leader.
So I stayed in the moment. I learned about my family and it turns out they were pretty badass. My grandfather, Burpee Marshall served in the Naval Airforce during the Korean War. He flew in planes launched off ships and monitored radar for enemy vessels.
His mother, my great grandmother, worked in a factory in the second world war manufacturing planes for the war. His father served in the army during the same time.
I learned about the places they were born like Sicily and Scotland. I learned about my heritage. I learned about myself. I reconnected with my brother and built a better relationship than we’ve ever had. I was able to be an emotional support for my mother during this tough time. I DID reflect on my year and my life and how all these things connected.
This was not the holiday season I envisioned. And truthfully it’s not one I’d choose to replicate. But it has been a really grounding experience and one I can’t yet fully understand or appreciate the impact from.
All this to say...forgive my absence, but more importantly, forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for the times when you weren't at your best. When you had to stop and turn inward. For the times you felt like you were letting others down.
LIFE. IS. TOUGH. And you don’t make it any easier by constantly putting yourself down. And it WILL throw tough times at you. In those moments, lean on your support group, find the good in the discomfort and use the experience as fuel for who you are becoming.
#supportgroup #forgiveyourself #seekdiscomfort #greatworkplace #bestplacetowork
#familymatters