Holiday Expectations

Unlike the magic of chocolate and peanut butter, holidays and expectations aren’t necessarily the same marriage made in heaven.

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Memories of holidays past can make what’s approaching feel like a burden.

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Yes, I hear your, “Thanks, but I don’t need the reminder.”

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But we’re in the middle of them, and the past doesn’t have to predict … anything, unless you allow it.

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Years ago, when I was married to my first husband, holidays were primarily at our house. I cooked and cleaned for days. I exhausted myself. Then one Thanksgiving, I walked into my living room and someone I didn’t know was sitting on my couch. A cousin of my SIL. Others sat and watched old movies. 22 people in all, with me running around. The turkey didn’t taste very good that year.

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Soon after, I decided I was done hosting holidays.

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The following spring my BIL called to ask about Easter. My reply, “I don’t know, but I’m not cooking and it’s not here.” There was dead silence on the other end.

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I realized I was trying to create something out of what didn’t exist.

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I had to create new expectations based on what I was willing to do and what made me feel good. What others expected of me was none of my business.

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To expect is to desire, hope or anticipate.

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You can expect that when you pick up a rental car that the tank will be full. While this is true for gas powered vehicles, based on a recent experience, it isn’t true for electric vehicles. Not a good situation when you need to drive 90 miles at 2am and the only available vehicles are electric.

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Expectations, hopes and desires can be logical. Many times, they’re not.

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How do you think your family expects you to show up at a gathering? How they knew you, perhaps from your teen years or earlier, or as you are now?

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What are your expectations of them?

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Do you desire an acknowledgment or an apology that never seems to come?

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Do you anticipate the holidays to be a certain way, for the family to finally come together, or for a person to finally act in a certain way?

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We become so attached to our expectations, they become like an addiction. To the point where we don’t realize how much control they have over us.

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It isn’t logical. Quite often, it’s subconscious. But this is how we give away our power, via mental, emotional and physical energy.

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The thing to explore is: what in your heart do you really want? Go give it to yourself.

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For the acknowledgment or apology you wait for… write yourself a letter as if from the other person. Put into words exactly what you want to hear. Express all the ifs, ands and buts. Feel all the feels. Write until there’s nothing left to say. Then tear up the paper to release it. Even better, safely burn it if you can and watch the paper turn to ashes.

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Rather than waiting for and needing a person to be a certain way, how do you want to act when you’re with them? When you plan this out in advance, you have options and are less likely to be caught reacting in the moment.

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Families are families. We are who we are. Rarely is it kittens and unicorns. When we continue to look to family to provide those Hallmark moments, well, we continue to let ourselves down.

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You can’t change anyone’s thoughts or actions other than your own. Rather than looking to create magic within the pressure of these few months, you can create magic in your own life, with the people you surround yourself with on a daily basis.

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It takes the pressure off of the expectations of the holidays.

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When you’re at peace with the day-to-day, it’s so much easier to let go of the holiday crush and to allow in more ease and grace.

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This is how you no longer allow expectations to rob you of your peace of mind.

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#peacefulholidays #consciousleadership #healingjourney #personaltransformation #personaltransformationconsultant #multidimensionalenergyhealer #stephaniebmcauliffe