Holding Space for Both: Navigating the Dichotomy of Pain and Joy by Misha Safran

It has been, in a lot of ways, a beautiful year so far, and also a time fraught with anxiety, anger, fear, and loss—for me, and for many. It’s hard to believe that all of these emotions can exist back-to-back, both inside and out. This past season has offered so many of us a range of experiences and emotions that may seem contradictory, yet they are often intertwined. For me, it’s been about holding space for both grief and celebration, knowing that one doesn’t cancel out the other. Acknowledging this coexistence has deepened my understanding of what it means to be human, and it’s something I’m still learning to navigate.

For example, I’ve experienced moments of deep connection with loved ones that were shadowed by an underlying sadness for the struggles they are facing. There were moments of joy in my work that were tempered by the weight of what is happening in the world. These moments of joy and pain often coexisted—like the delight of reuniting with an old friend, while also grieving the loss of another. Holding both emotions at once can feel overwhelming, yet acknowledging them together offers a deeper understanding of our full human experience. It’s a delicate balance, one that requires constant readjustment.

Personally, I’ve struggled to send out a newsletter or even keep up with this blog lately. Every time I’ve tried to sit down and write, it felt as though the weight of the world was pressing on my heart. It’s difficult to ignore the pain and disparities in our global communities. For example, witnessing the devastation and loss of life in Gaza during the ongoing Israeli genocide weighs heavily on my spirit. As a Jewish woman and a descendant of Holocaust survivors and victims, it’s deeply horrifying and heartbreaking to see history echo itself. While the Hamas invasion and the horrors of October 7, 2023, were wrong and are tragedies I cannot overlook, it is also profoundly painful to witness the Israeli government perpetuating atrocities that mirror the same horrors once inflicted on my own ancestors. The images and stories coming from that region are heartbreaking, and they make it difficult to focus on the day-to-day when such immense suffering is happening. And with the current political climate in the USA, marked by deepening divisions and polarization, the sense of uncertainty and fear only grows. It’s clear that these issues impact all of us in profound ways, and I believe strongly that it is important to acknowledge these challenges.

At the same time, I believe it’s equally important to share moments of excitement and joy because they can offer the glimmer of hope we so desperately need. Brave young people have taken to college campuses across the nation to protest the actions and participation of the American government in the inexplicable genocide in Gaza. Their courage and resilience, standing up for justice in the face of overwhelming challenges, are truly inspiring. And while this movement continues, there’s also a renewed sense of hopeful energy surrounding our efforts to protect democracy here in the USA. More and more Americans are rising up with the determination to prevent a dictatorship from taking hold, showing that even in the darkest of times, the fight for a better future can spark a collective sense of hope.

It’s essential to recognize that these conflicting emotions must coexist and will continue to do so. So, how do we navigate this emotional turmoil without letting it paralyze us? How do we harness these intense feelings and still move forward to build a world rooted in empathy and beauty? How do we allow celebration and joy, knowing that life isn’t grand for everyone around us? For instance, while I may not have been feeling my best, witnessing a loved one’s success—whether tying their shoelaces for the first time or achieving a significant workplace promotion—reminded me that hope and joy can still exist, even in dark times.

Finding that balance feels like a delicate art—and, to be honest, I haven’t felt particularly artistic lately. However, here’s the truth: none of us will ever be perfect. What I write may resonate with some of you and not with others, and that’s okay. We are all masterpieces in progress, constantly evolving. And the beauty of our growth? It doesn’t rely on the approval of others. How does that resonate with you, Subscriber First Name?

So here we are, talking about this dichotomy of pain and joy. My hope is that you will accept this as an invitation to explore the dichotomies in your life, knowing what is real for you. Are there times when you feel deep challenge or even pain causing you to turn on yourself, thinking that something is wrong with your life or perhaps worse, something is wrong with you? What if, instead, these moments are invitations to grow, to expand, and to connect more authentically with yourself and others?

This past season has offered so many of us a range of experiences and emotions that may seem contradictory, yet they are often intertwined. For me, it’s been about holding space for both grief and celebration, knowing that one doesn’t cancel out the other. The challenge is recognizing that pain and joy can coexist. Sometimes, this balance feels impossible to maintain, especially when the darker days overshadow the lighter ones. But I’m learning that this paradox is part of what makes life so beautifully complex. Embracing this complexity means allowing yourself to be human, to feel deeply, and to honor all parts of your experience, even when they conflict with one another.

As many of you know, I'm a singer and songwriter. A few years ago, I wrote a song called "Ain’t No Bad Day for Me." It was born out of my journey with chronic pain and the need to shift how I reflected upon each day. When a day felt miserable, I learned to focus on even the smallest moments that brought me a bit of joy. So instead of saying I had a bad day, I started saying, "I had a good day with a lot of shitty moments." It helped me reframe the experience, holding space for both the hard and the hopeful. How might shifting your perspective, even slightly, change how you experience your own challenging days?

Reflection Questions:

1. How do you navigate the coexistence of joy and pain in your life, and what lessons can you draw from these experiences?
2. In what ways do you give yourself permission to feel all your emotions without judgment or the need to fix them immediately?
3. How might you reframe difficult emotions as part of your journey toward growth rather than as indicators that something is wrong?

Conclusion:

Remember, it's okay to feel conflicted emotions. Life isn’t about erasing pain to make room for joy—it’s about finding space for both. By embracing the full range of our emotional experiences, we give ourselves permission to be fully human and to grow from whatever life throws our way.

Action Step: Take time this week to journal about a recent experience where you felt conflicting emotions. How can you honor both feelings and learn from the balance between them?

In solidarity and with love,

Misha Safran, PCC, MA

Keynote Speaker and Relationship Coach and Strategist for the Home and Workplace

Land Acknowledgement: Born on the land of the Anacostans, Piscataway, and Pamunkey peoples. Currently living on Karkin Ohlone land.

All are valued in my practice: BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, humans of all backgrounds and ages. Through sharing my pronouns, I hope to support a safer and braver space for all professionals to share their pronouns.

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