Holding Crisis as Catalyst

Hi community,

I?imagine many of us are reeling right now. Grief, anger, frustration, despair, confusion. And of course, pain. Overwhelm. Exhaustion. Fear.

Whether we like it or not, we are going to be living out what comes next together. Whether we like it or not, we are all together?period.

So how do we move forward in a good way? What do we do after we feel our feelings?

Allow me to tell you a story that I hope can shift how you orient to moments of crisis and change.

When my (much smaller) world came crashing down

Back in 2016, in that nail-biter of a race between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, I was glued to my laptop all night in a way that, in retrospect, was just AWFUL for?my poor nervous system. Riding on adrenaline and anxiety, I'd refresh the webpage again and again from my then-boyfriend's bedroom in the Lower East Side.?

I was only 26 at the time, so?sleep was not yet of great importance.?I also had innocence and na?veté on my side. I hadn't yet gone through the grief-filled unlearning process of understanding?how our political system really works. At the time, I believed that everyday Americans doing their civic duty was what determined these races.

I can still remember?the exact scene and how I?felt when the news broke.?Around 3AM,?Trump was declared the winner.?Lying face down in this then-boyfriend's bed, I broke down sobbing. Waves of fear, anger, and disbelief traveled through me. I?felt so distraught and confused.?I wasn't under any impression that America was paradise on?Earth. But I did not know, could not comprehend, that so many people saw something promising for themselves and their future in the?orange guy with the despicable behavior.?How could this be?

I distinctly remember the physical sensation of losing the?very ground I stood on. I?was disoriented and disappointed.?It felt like my world no longer made sense. In the short time that I'd been of age to vote (2016 was only my 2nd time voting for a president), I already felt chewed up and spit out.

This outcome gave me mental, emotional, and?spiritual indigestion.

Like actual indigestion, I was uncomfortable all the time as my awareness quickly outgrew my actual knowledge and?skills for what to do with it.

Knowing that there's a?lot you don't know before you actually know anything is a uniquely challenging place to be. But it's also a deeply fertile place, a precursor to massive transformation.

It's not all bad: crisis as awakening?& initiation

As a young person trying to find her way in the world, I struggled because the 2016 election results clashed with many ideas or beliefs I held about people, the world, and what it would take to change things.

These conflicts caused turmoil. They tossed and turned my brain, my insides, my orientation to the world. They also catalyzed a series of life-altering questions that I could not let go of nor would they let go of me.

These questions were, and still are, my North Star in this journey:

• How does this all (not just politics, but spirituality, human beings, healing, and liberation too) actually work?
• What am I missing?
• What parts of my programming can I trust and what do I need to let go of?
• Who can I trust to teach me?
• Who do I need to surround myself with so I can taste freedom?
• What do I need to go through in order to make sense of myself and my role in the collective?
• Where and how can I effectively shape change?

Eventually things came to a head,?ushering in a total crisis of form that would shape me into who I am today.?The more I?learned (or unlearned), the more I realized how much had actually been kept from me and the average American. Once I started peeling back the layers, I couldn't stop.?

Like a detective on a hot case, the clues were all there once I knew to look. They were hidden?in plain sight this whole time.?With so much to uncover,?I could not stop connecting the dots. I also could not understand people who saw the dots but preferred not to connect them?(still don't).

My pursuit of a truer truth led me to find books, teachers, and community in the realms of?decolonization, revolutionary politics, radicalization (learning to study things to the root level), politicized healing, and community work.?

My values came online then evolved.?My love of facilitation, culture work, and community care?blossomed. My world expanded with every new experience I had, person I met, and piece of content I consumed.

I lost friends who felt I was either too "political",?I cared too much (because it's so cool being nonchalant, right?), or asked too many questions. I also gained friends who gave a damn like me.

But most importantly, this labor of love of letting crisis grow and expand me connected me to my agency and power. Agency and power isn't just "out there" for the taking. It emerges through experiencing trials and tribulations, forged in the fires of fighting for our livelihood and right to exist. And what's beautiful about this type of struggle is that it can also bring us closer to the community we most needed.

Shared pain has a way of bringing people together.

No growth without death, no rest without unrest

In the aftermath of the 2016 election, that younger, naive, and disempowered version of me died. In her place grew the version of me you know and experience today.

This version of me who was brave enough to heed The Nap Ministry's call to rest??Who's been steadily taking?bigger risks and making bigger bets on herself??Who has grown a firmer?backbone? Who feels brave enough to love harder and live out loud now, not just somewhere in the distant future?

Who is stewarding the Rest in Crisis and Change body of work to help other people make sense of disorienting times in service of liberation?

Who recently presented a keynote experience on Rest in Crisis & Change?and got a standing ovation from the 208 theater and arts professionals at the Creating Change conference in New Jersey??

Yeah, I rose?from the ashes of that old (or is it younger?) version of me.

Yeah, I made my way through layers upon layers of unrest (insecurities, shame, trauma, grief, disappointment, self-hatred) to?learn how to rest in (that is, to abide in, surrender to, feel at ease in) an increasingly fuller, more complex, and vulnerable version of myself.??

Crisis has a way of radically re-prioritizing what matters. The excuses, hesitation, and doubts that, under less dire circumstances, might've paralyzed us? Crisis wipes them out and says, "NOW is the time to make a difference."

I was forged in the crucible of crisis, becoming more of who I was meant to be for THIS moment,?and you will be too.

The rest is still unwritten*

*Shout out Natasha Bedingfield, I will forever scream-sing this song in the car!

I hope my story reveals the limitations of judging?the result of a presidential election as either good or bad solely on the basis of who wins. I?hope that it reminds you that you, me, and the collective we are always becoming more.

Imagine if the outcome of this election sends a small percentage of hundreds of millions of Americans into a crisis that they cannot ignore. A crisis that forces them to question, reckon, and pursue their own truths. A crisis that radically transforms them from the inside out.?

Of course?whoever becomes president matters in terms of policies, appointments,?and what that all means for us. But we should not give these candidates more power than they actually have.

Even if they do have more power than the average citizen, they do not hold all the power to wield change.?To make it solely about the singular human being who gets the title of president is to miss the greater scope of possibilities by ignoring the overwhelming majority... US.

No one can take away your power to choose how you respond,?decide the course of your trajectory, or what meaning you ultimately make of it.

So my question to you is this: How will you show up for this crucible of crisis and change? How will the outcome, whatever it ends up being, simultaneously initiate?your death and rebirth? What will do with what you feel?

To explore this further,?join me on either Thursday 11/7 or Monday 11/11 for RITUALS FOR UNREST!

Rituals for Unrest invites you to honor and process sacred unrest in community. We will offer our tears, longings, love, grief, and care to the unrest we feel within and without.

Through song, movement, art-making, and partner + group sharing, you will practice giving expression to the many faces of unrest: grief, rage, despair, bitterness, hatred, disgust, etc.?By becoming intimate with the many faces of unrest and expressing it through our bodies, we’ll be better equipped, informed, and prepared for working with the energies of unrest all around us.

?? I'm in! ??

Alright, deep breaths everyone! Pray to whoever you pray to, sink your feet into the Earth, and hold your loved ones close.

We will survive this even if it looks different than what we imagined. Perhaps this is our clarion call that things MUST, in fact, look very different than before.

Your Restie Bestie,

Cassandra Lam /?Lam Thùy Dung

Founder of Collective Rest