Holding Back The Tears

This was first posted on my journal: https://alastairbanks.substack.com - if you like my content and want to hear about it before others, please do subscribe over there.

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Sorry I’ve been so quiet!

I’m doing it again…starting with an apology! Arrrgh they say never start with an apology.

Will I ever learn?

Anyway, onto the reasons *cough* excuses for my tardniess.

Once again I find myself busier than ever;

Two very exciting new projects to tell you about shortly.

40% YoY growth in?Optix

and…loads going on personally and with my?FindingYourPassion?work.

After two years of covid hell, things are most certainly on the up.

So anyway, back to the title of this post. Last week marked a big moment for me, a huge step forward, but it has come with some sadness. When I’m sad I find that writing helps me.

Last week I was away on holiday in Cornwall. Every year, my wife’s siblings and parents, complete with partners go away on holiday together. We all chip in and share a big house just outside Polzeath. It’s a really nice week, one we’ve done for years. If you fancy checking out a bunch of textbook holiday snaps then I’ve put all that on?Instagram?(don’t worry that’s not the message of this post).

This year, Lizz’s brother James and Abi (his other half) bought their new born baby with them, my niece.

I’ve not really talked openly about this so it may come as a surprise but since losing Charlie over 2 and a half years ago I’ve kept away from babies. I’ve politely declined the opportunity of cuddles when offered. I’ve not felt strong enough. On the last day of the week I finally plucked up the courage to pick her up and cuddle. This marked a big moment for me, one I probably should have taken a bit earlier.

So why am I sharing this? Is there a business reason I can bring this back to?

I think there is.

It’s been almost 3 years since that?horrific day?and although I didn’t think it was a thing…. it?WAS?a thing. I only realised it when I found myself doing it.

Over the following week I’ve had to hold back the tears on a few occassions but I’m glad I took that step.

In business, as in life, there are things we avoid, things we put off to a new day, telling ourselves we’ll deal with it when we can. Think of an imaginary jar for a second. Everytime we put one of these difficult things off, they don’t go away, they get added to that jar until it fills up and overflows. The subconscious is so powerful its hard to describe the effect that this has on you eventually. It will manifest in people differently. Some might stuggle physically, others mentally. If I know one thing, its always better to address these issues head on and in my experience, 95% of the time they will be far easier than you’d made them out to be in your own head.

Losing Sophie and then Charlie created a vicious personality trait of catastrophising for me. Its even become something I’m known for unfortunately. I didn’t suffer this affliction half as badly before. I guess you can’t blame me, losing two babies followed by covid wasn’t a great run of things, I started to expect everything to go wrong. Therapists tell me it’s a form of PTSD. I’m super committed to working on it and one of those ways is to front up situations, before I have time to catastrophise them. It’s something I work on with Lizz, with my work colleagues and those who are closest to me.

I’m a big believer its vital to push yourself, to address difficult conversations and experiences as soon as they arise. I hope and pray that you’ve never had to, or will ever have to deal with the sort of things I have written about here but this isn’t about those. Each of us have challenges and they are all individually important. The sooner we learn to front them up, the sooner we move on with our lives and our sub conscious can give us a well earned break.