Hold on because it gets better!

Self-harm is a reactionary response. It can be a response to inner turmoil, instability, or external factors. Self-harm doesn’t always mean a person has suicidal tendencies, nor should the word ‘suicide’ be looked down upon. It should be a part of our discussion. Only through viable and meaningful communication can we stay socially sane. Self-harm or suicidal tendencies both require our undivided attention. The first is to know the signs a person undergoing such tendencies displays. Any display of emotions or a complete lack of one should raise alarms in our minds.

In most cases, everyone just wants to be heard and accepted. But the road leading to such acceptance must be carefully carved out by the listener. The listener must never forget that they can positively influence someone in distress just by being beside them. It is true; sometimes, it is hard to spot mental agony. Many who suffer from them don’t display it externally. They might appear as normal as the next happy-go-lucky person around you. This is where the importance of a positive self-image and the desire to find solutions via communication comes into play. The bottom line is that the road to recovery for individuals who show self-harming tendencies or the individual who wishes to help turn things around for good can’t just be called a two-way street. It is an intersection of many possible solutions that individuals can follow for each other and, more importantly, for themselves. So, self-harm or death isn’t the finality; it is the ability to wait and assess the various reasons to survive.

What does it feel like when, in the spur of the moment, you decide to take things to the extreme, being controlled by negative thoughts and having an insane inability to think clearly? What happens if, with all your might, you trust your will to live and fight the negativity? Let’s look at stories of individuals who triumphed over negativity and came out of the dark zone.

?Shama Sikander, actor

Sitting on the floor in a dimly lit room, I was lost in thought. I had secluded myself from the world. Negativity blinded my mind. I had no desire, hope, or ambition in life. I felt lost in a maze. I had suffered endlessly in my life because of rejection, bullying, and betrayal. I was suffering from depression and bipolar disorder. I felt the only way to feel free was to give up my life. I entered my mom’s room, hugged her tight, told her I was going to rest, and swallowed a lot of sleeping pills. I was rushed to the hospital and brought back to life. Initially, I was angry with my family for saving me. But the moment of truth came soon. The realization hit me that if I was alive even after trying to kill myself, I was alive for a reason. I decided to put the pieces together and start afresh. Therapy and meditation helped me discover my biggest strength in my deepest sorrows. It didn’t happen overnight. It took me four years to understand my inner self. I slowly started erasing all the bad memories. I realized that I was very, very strong. It bought a lot of solace and happiness. Today, I feel content and happy in my life and career. I am grateful to my fans for their love and support. I respect the gift of life. My message to those who like giving up: Hang on! Sometimes, the brightest light comes from the darkest places.

Kailash Kher, singer

I am from a traditional Brahmin family from Delhi, born with a lot of pressure to earn money. There were many perceptions forced on me by society cruelly and blindly. That clashed with my soul. I found myself trapped. There were heartless comparisons with others, and I was judged on materialistic achievements. All of this made me oversensitive. Music was a part of my junoon, my passion, but it failed to earn money. No one could see any future in music for me. In India, if you are unique, you are criticized and pulled down. You are rarely appreciated. People thought I was a nikamma and awara who was desperate to become a hero. I was trying hard to prove myself and keep a grip on my life. I did odd jobs and even ran an export business for some time, selling handicrafts to Germany. I was never meant to do all this. My business collapsed. In a weak moment, I jumped into Ganga in Rishikesh to take my life, but a friend saved me. In that moment when I tried killing myself, I couldn’t have imagined that I would live to get a Padma Shri I award one day. After that moment, I started looking for strength in myself. I must tell you that every soul, every life on this planet, is blessed with a special talent, a special caliber. You just need to discover it patiently. Destiny always has miracles in store. Today, I love and cherish life. A foreign woman once handed over a letter to me that said that she had never visited India, but she experienced India through my music. An 80-year-old woman told me that her 10-month-old grandson dances, eats, and sleeps to my songs. These are the most beautiful gifts I’ve ever received. I want to tell all young people that they should distance themselves from those who provoke negativity. Remember, all those who the world believes are inadequate, they are the ones who always create something extraordinary. Do not let someone’s harsh words pull you down. Live and prove them wrong.

Reshma Qureshi, acid attack survivor

I was attacked with acid by my estranged brother-in-law when I was 17. He threw concentrated acid on my face in the street. We were in our village in Mau Aima, Uttar Pradesh. I had forgotten my burkha back home in Mumbai so I borrowed my sister’s. My brother-in-law mistook me for his wife. I felt the most excruciating pain and lost eyesight in my left eye as a result of the attack. I was in the hospital for months. I was the unintended victim of an attack that wasn’t even meant for me. My face was so badly injured that my family didn’t allow me to look in the mirror. All the mirrors in the hospitals were covered. When we came home for the first time, I went to wash my face in the kitchen. I looked at myself in the mirror and couldn’t recognize myself. That night, I tried to hang myself with the dupatta. My brother Aizaz woke up when he realized I was shuffling around at night. My family lives in a one-bedroom chawl in Mumbai, and everyone sleeps in the same room. Aizaz turned on the lights and saw me standing on the bed with a dupatta, aiming to reach the fan. He put two and two together and screamed. Everyone woke up and panicked. There were tears, consolation, and love. My family told me how much they loved me and comforted me back to sleep. They motivated me to see therapists and kept telling me that I had to live to see justice. The thought of putting my attacker behind bars kept me going strong. I could not die at the hands of my attacker. He may have taken my face, but my life is mine and mine alone, and I just had to be reminded of that fact. I saw many acid attack survivors at the NGO Make Love Not Scars. They were in so much pain for no mistake of their own. They were the victims of someone’s misplaced rage. My heart went out to them, and I decided to devote my life to bringing a smile to their faces. Today, I work with this NGO and help other acid attack survivors overcome depression. If you want help, do reach out to me. Just don’t kill yourself. The sun does shine again. If we don’t have sadness in life, how will we ever appreciate happiness? It’s a cycle. We have to accept and embrace that. Keep moving on. One step at a time.

?We have been taught that in this world, the ones who can survive the odds are the ones fit to rule. They are looked upon as superstars. This is indeed far-fetched. There is no evidence that the best schools and the top colleges have churned out extremely happy individuals. In reality, the world can move at the pace it pleases, but life can be shaped patiently in the way we desire. Happiness is a state of mind. It comes from the desire to just be content with everything we are, everything we have, and everything that comes our way. No other emotion can spread as fast and as effectively as happiness displayed by a person in supreme bliss. So let us not be swayed by our minds nor by the world. If we wish to be swayed, let’s be swayed by happiness.