Hindu Marriage, and its intersection with my identity- Meera (Bhima Jewelers Ad)
Ankita Mehra
Employer branding, Diversity and Inclusion @EDB | 2 Times TEDx Speaker | India’s top 20 Diversity leaders | LGBTQ+ Speaker | 300+ LGBTQ+ Awareness Talks| HR 40under40
Hindu Marriage, and its intersection with my identity.
When I got to know the story for the TVC, I was skeptical about it. The very idea of getting married didn't settle very well in my head if I'm being honest. My reflex was that I don't wanna glorify or romanticize the institution in any way. Hindu marriage is anything and everything, but love. It has more to do with the accumulation of wealth, property, and women. The very idea of not engaging in sex before marriage is to police female sexuality. It is about the purification of blood, preserving the family caste name, extending the lineage through procreation. Where do I fit then, because the last time I checked, I don't have a uterus? I can't procreate or engage in reproduction for the sake of giving birth.
Interestingly, today is my parent's 26th wedding anniversary. My mom told me that it was a love marriage. She met my dad, for the first time when she was 16. My dad, her first boyfriend, became her husband. Maybe that's why I envy her.
They love each other, except I can't see enough love. We've lived in a joint family, till last year. I've always seen my mom tirelessly work in the kitchen, cooking innovative dishes for my dad, or my uncle, or my Dadi. I've seen her more as a homemaker, than a wife. Like any other Hindu, married woman, in a conservative, heterosexual setting, she had her own struggles. I've seen them fighting, mostly. I used to wonder about the love bit, as a young child. Where is love?
When I came out as trans to my family, my Naani had concerns for my marriage. I'm sure she still does. Her focus was on the fact that I won't be able to bear a child. She was "concerned" that I'll end up alone because I'm not a cis woman. In addition to my transness, I'm definitely not marriage material, at least not in the traditional sense. Despite all of this, as someone, who's always seen herself from a woman's lens, I've been conditioned to get married.
Maybe marriage just makes us feel secured. The idea is to seal a deal. Marriage is the method. It is more about ending up with someone. Something fundamental is radical for a trans person. I think I like that. It feels utopic.
Political Science I Environment, State, Gender, and Law I Editor and Proofreader I Your Whimsical Poetess and Resident Bookworm
1 年Even though this article has clocked more than a year, Meera's thoughts and the ad itself are pretty timeless. As a cishet woman born and brought up in a Hindu household, marriage was dangled as a carrot in front of me and meant a deal more than a true, loving, and mutually accepting partnership. I believe in the element of partnership and dedication towards the man I love unconditionally, but not the oppression that comes with the patriarchal color marriage is painted with. I hope that every person finds a fulfilling romantic relationship irrespective of whether it ends in a marriage or not- where we are accepted for who we are, instead of what society and its norms have dictated. As far as I remember, marriage should not be a farce to show that the person has ultimately 'settled', but something that the partners truly want. Be it within a structure or without, the bottom line is affection, and that should be an eternal truth. It was a pleasure seeing Meera in the ad and getting to know her thoughts. Kudos to Bhima Jewellery and a big thanks to Ankita for introducing us to a beautiful woman with a lovely personality! Love and Courage ??