Hilarious Observations:

Hilarious Observations:

I changed my car horn to sounds of gunshot. People move out of the way much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

I decided to rename the bathroom to gym. I feel so much better saying I went to the gym this morning.

I don't need anger management. I need people to stop irritating me.

When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment. Now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

I don't have grey hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise.

The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".

I've lost my mind and I'm pretty sure my spouse took it.

Of course I talk to myself, as sometimes I need expert advice.