Highly Sensitive People

You have to be careful with labels. A diagnosis can provide a user manual of sorts for people with certain conditions, helping them to better manage behaviours that are problematic if misunderstood and chaotic. One friend's recent autism and ADHD diagnosis have brought a degree of calm and control to a tumultuous ride through his teens and 20s.

For others, myself included, I've had certain tendencies pointed out to me that could well mean I am neurodivergent. In my case, I have no interest in finding out because my brain, for the most part, works well for me, so I do not feel it would be additive to my life to know.

That said, after reading Jenn Granneman and Andre Sólo 's brilliant Sensitive: The Power of a Thoughtful Mind in an Overwhelming World, I closed the book with absolute certainty I am an HSP. A highly sensitive person.

As per the book's narrative - I am not a soft arse and I do not need to toughen up. That is what the authors refer to as the toughness myth. Growing up in 1980s Yorkshire, I saw my fair share of that in action. It means I am hyper-attuned to my environment. I am highly empathetic and observant - this does not mean I spy on my neighbours through the kitchen window, it's more a case of subconsciously picking up on aspects of everything around me that others might not. None of this is good or bad. It is what you make it. A blessing and a curse.

The book estimates that 30% of humans are highly sensitive. The creative industry is overrun with us. That's why we see all those layers, those possibilities, have those ideas and the rest of it. 40% land somewhere in the middle and 30% are not highly sensitive. Without this balance, society would not work. Without the non-sensitive people in my life, my mental health would be far worse than it is.

At times, my sensitivity can be extremely painful. A small bird hit our back window last Friday and succumbed to the blow shortly after. 6 months ago, it might well have sent me spiraling into a negative thought pattern about the environment and existence itself. Those thoughts played out like they always do - it's part of being a HSP. But thanks to a lot of work on understanding my brain's behaviour and the way thought patterns play out if allowed to run unchecked, I've regained a little control over them, so this time I wrapped her up, carried her to a quiet corner of the local park and said goodbye. I watched for those unruly thug thoughts, and sure enough, they came, but they were apprehended before I could lose sight of why I felt overwhelmed. That's when the brain enters a more primal state and begins to grab at any other sources of disquiet in my life and inflates them like a child's balloon. Knowing this, knowing it's part of my being an HSP, I got the better of them.

With enough practice in managing the downside of being sensitive, the upsides soar. And without accepting one of life's three constants - pain (uncertainty and constant work are the others) - Stories for the Apocalypse wouldn't exist. None of my writing would. But SFTA in particular was a pressure release valve during a time when I hadn't learned to change my thought patterns.

My illustration career would never have happened. All of those wonderful moments I cherish and wring dry could never have been quite as amplified.

I left the cinema last night, wowed by Oppenheimer, and it recalled memories from my 2016 visit to Hiroshima. The symbolism of the preserved atomic bomb-melted Buddha statue is something that will stay with me forever. Thankfully now, at the age of 40, apart from the tougher days, when I'm exhausted, and my primal brain gets the better of me, this kind of empathetic hurt can be the greatest source of creativity there is. It takes time to convert it to inspiration, to my lived experience of this imperfect world, and the foundation of my desire to make something meaningful that will outlive me, and until it does, it is agony. But having reached a place where I can recognise the necessity of these feelings... well, it helps.

Jenn Granneman will be joining me to discuss sensitivity and creativity on an upcoming episode of The Creative Condition Podcast.

You can get her book here.