High School at Age Eleven

I’ve encountered plenty of professional challenges over my career—it comes with the territory when you start your own company. I’d like to think that these challenges made me a better person; they certainly made me more successful professionally. But when I really think about it, there’s one adversity that’s truly shaped me into the man I am today. That’s being pushed ahead in school.

High school at 11 sounds traumatic, but it actually wasn't that bad. I got bullied a little, mainly in clichéd ways like getting stuffed in a locker and beaten up a little. But mostly, and most importantly, I just got excluded a lot. I attended an all-boy Catholic school, so there wasn't as much social pressure there as in the traditional high school setting. And outside of class, there were all sorts of extra-curriculars I could get involved in (including intramural sports, which I sucked at but at least they let me play). But things got tougher when I got to college. I went to Tulane in New Orleans on scholarship; back then Tulane was known as a bit of a party school with a heavy frat life. That meant that fitting in socially was an absolute imperative... and challenging for a 15-year old. As in high school, I just wasn’t invited to join anything. The fun always seemed to be happening on the other side of the door.  

You get a lot of empty advice from those who care: lots of tripe. “Don't let it bother you. Those kids don't matter.” But, of course, they do. At the time, they mattered a lot. Yes, you get a little wiser as you get older, but this is not useful advice for a teenager. It's not like you're the Dalai Lama in training. You're a kid, and you want to be part of things. 

I tried lots of things to fit in (including lying about my age at parties), most of which didn’t work. I even got the woman in the registrar's office to give me an ID which said I was two years older than I actually was. That was incredibly nice of her, but anywhere I’d go on campus I’d have a physical reminder with me that I didn’t really fit in. 

“Not fitting in” is something everyone has experienced. But it’s a tougher problem when you’re that much younger than everyone around you. When you skip grades, people assume you’re smart and have things figured out. Emotional intelligence doesn’t work that way; you can’t just study your way to emotional maturity, and there weren’t any other 15-year old college kids I could talk to about it.  

I’d love to tell you that I eventually figured it all out, and that by senior year I’d made tons of friends and was having the time of my life. But that's not true—I didn’t get my “Revenge of the Nerds” moment in college. But I happened upon a graph recently that amused me greatly:

The great thing about this graph is that it’s so true. And it's not unique to me; most everyone I know today thought of themselves as some type of dork or nerd while they were coming of age. These are people who, for the most part, are happy and well-adjusted. More importantly, these are people who believe that their best days still lie ahead.

For the longest time, I thought that "figuring it out" meant "I'll show them." All those people who didn't let me fit in? Look at me now, with a cool job and a nice apartment and an actual relationship. It sounded good on paper, and empowering in that self-help sort of way. But the reality ended up being the exact opposite—living your life so some random people you were desperate to impress years ago suddenly think you're impressive doesn’t make you happy. I should know; I pulled it off. And at the end of the day, I was left wondering: is that all there is? 

I think “figuring it out” means not sweating it. It means not getting worked up, and being the person you wanted to be before you started worrying about other people's notions of what's popular and impressive. Because I was pushed ahead in school, I was thrust into a situation where fitting in became a goal in and of itself. This may seem cliché to you, but it took me two decades to realize it. Better late than never.

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Ian Bremmer is president of Eurasia Group, foreign affairs columnist at TIME and Global Research Professor at New York University. You can follow him on Twitter and Facebook.

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