High Performance Team Building: Work/Life Awareness & Trust

with Alistair Kerr

"To add value to others, one must first value others." – John Maxwell

“When people are emotionally invested, they want to contribute.” – Simon Sinek

“'I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

 Many of us spend more time at work than we do with our loved ones. But how much do we really know about the people we work with? Genuinely getting to know people at work is perhaps one of the most important parts of building and maintaining High Performance Teams. Understanding the work/life situation, personality and interests, and goals and aspirations of your colleagues is vital to promote both high team engagement and high team achievement.

Genuinely understanding others promotes high team engagement through not only demonstrating that you value their individual differences, it also provides the necessary context for you to tailor your communication approach to meet their needs in relation to their work/life challenges and goals. This also enables you to better support them should difficulties occur.

Genuinely understanding others promotes high team achievement as a key by-product of getting to know people is increasing their sense of belonging within the team. This feeling leads to increased emotional investment and motivation to contribute their best performance at work.

A further benefit of getting to genuinely know and understand people is that it reduces the false (often negative) assumptions that we are all prone to making.

Small Talk Is Never Small…

Getting to know people can be challenging at times – be it related to personal values and privacy, the limited contact of virtual teams, or project teams working under extreme pressure and deadlines with little time for anything else. However, if we don’t make getting to know and understand others a priority, we can end up with all sorts of short- and longer-term career disasters. Consider the following examples… 

Scene 1: A Retirement Speech & Career Regrets

“I learned much too late in life the importance of valuing relationships at work…”

As we sat listening to his speech it was hard not to feel a sense of sadness. After 25 years of service, the retiring middle manager had spent his career being expectionally good at his job, one of the brightest and innovative managers in the history of the company, yet time after time overlooked for promotions and struggling with managing large teams and dealing with organizational politics…

Scene 2: Wanting to Lend a Helping Hand

“Where is Sharon? I haven’t seen her around the office recently…”

Don’t you know? Didn't they tell you? Sharon’s husband was admitted to hospital over a month ago and she’s looking after their kids full-time and also by his bedside hoping he’ll recover - but it doesn't look good…

"What? Really? Why didn’t she tell me? I wish I could have been there for her. She was always so private I didn’t even know she was married and had kids. Is anyone sending her flowers or a card from all of us – I feel awful I haven’t been able to help – I wish I had known and could have been more supportive…"

Scene 3: Jumping to Conclusions

“Did you see John, he was yawning throughout my entire presentation, I’m sure he hated the concept.”

 Actually no, John pulled me aside after your presentation and said he loved it and that the funding will be approved by the end of the week. I really admire how he is still managing to keep on top of things despite the lack of sleep. Since his wife gave birth to twins two weeks ago he’s been running on 4 hours sleep a night. 

"Oh, that puts things in perspective, I’m so relieved that the yawning wasn’t related to the presentation…"

Getting to Know People: A Journey Not a Destination

It is important to remember that getting to know people is not just a one-off event during team establishment or when a new staff member arrives. Scheduling regular times for time-limited team building activities is essential – even for well established teams as people’s lives change more then we realize. Even the discipline of using simple icebreakers or conversation starters at every meeting can incrementally widen our awareness of our co-workers’ wider lives increasing our ability to empathise and support each other.

Shy, Introverted and Private People

 When it comes to getting to know people who are very private, introverted or shy it can be a little difficult to get them to open up. Begin by simply keeping the conversation work focused and strengths focused (i.e., asking their opinion or advice on matters they are already expert at) and gradually shifting the conversation towards work history, current family status, future holidays etc. always leading with sharing an appropriate disclosure from your own life first and never expecting too much. Group lunches, morning teas and social events are also a great space to get to know very shy co-workers who may initially feel intimidated by one-on-one conversations.

If you are a very private, shy or introverted person yourself then you are going to have to push out of your comfort zone if you want to be a part of a High Performance Team. Whilst we’re not telling you that you need to disclose all of your dirty laundry and skeletons in the closet nor become a raving extrovert we are telling you that you have to open up and disclose enough of your life to allow people to understand who you are, your personality, sense of humor and hobbies, interests and aspirations as this is the minimum data set needed to enable others to understand you and build the trust needed for higher levels of team performance.

Individual Strategies for Getting to Know Others

OK, ‘individual strategies’ is a fancy way to describe ‘small talk’ the informal one-on-one conversations we routinely have with co-workers. As the saying goes ‘small talk is never small’ and there are some important ‘Do’s’ and ‘Don’ts’ to maximize the value of small talk in building a high performance team: 

Do’s

1. Do make time for small talk but be honest about time available and don't be afraid to cut-off conversations with an apology about limited time but also re-convene on the same topic when you next get a chance.

1. Do ask people questions but only when you mean it... “How are you?” is a wonderful question when sincerely asked, but a poison chalice when used as a dysfunctional form of greeting. If you are time poor or not that interested, then don’t ask people how they are but instead make a positive statement that doesn’t require conversation “its great to see you!”

1. Do share some short relevant personal information to increase trust before asking about the others life. The law of reciprocity (you disclose first then I’ll disclose) is a very important concept for effective leaders but this creates a vulnerability you need to be aware of and comfortable with first.

Don’ts

1. Don't jump in too far, too deep or too fast regarding personal questions and disclosures. Remember people operate at different levels of depth and trust in workplaces with some people enjoying deep and meaningful conversations and others preferring to keep the conversation superficial, light and cheery.

1. Further to the point above, don’t make people uncomfortable in conversations about personal issues. Delving into inappropriate territory may give rise to claims of sexual, or power harassment.

1. Don't gossip or repeat information to others that may be told in confidence. Don’t speak negatively of anyone especially other work colleagues and never share personal information shared by a co-worker with someone else without their express permission. Speak kindly and sensitively towards others and you will build a harmonious and happy team dynamic.

Safety in Structure: Team Strategies for Getting to Know Others

When it comes to building a High Performance Team, individual small talk is only one piece of the team-building puzzle. The other critical part of the puzzle is targeted team activities the team can do as a group to build trust and increase work/life awareness. Well-structured team based disclosure activities ensure that team members get to learn about each other in an appropriate, safe and supported time limited way.

Team Building: Low Trust vs. High Trust Activities.

 When it comes to getting to know others in a group setting there is an enormous range of activities you can choose from depending on the time available and level of trust currently within the team. The table below shows you some very simple group based team building activities that can be done almost anywhere with minimal materials and minimal time input. We tend to stick with these in most of our work as consultants as most teams we work with are time poor and want to use the strategies without further training or facilitation once learned.

Low Trust Team Activities

• “Ice breakers” (AKA Warms Ups or Conversation Starters) are a brilliant, fast and easy way to get to know other team members better without making people feel uncomfortable by delving too deep into each other’s lives. As you can see in the table below icebreaker questions can range from simple superficial items (level 1) to more in-depth items (level 3). 

• “Who am I?” (AKA Celebrity Heads) is another great getting to know you activity where people can have a bit of fun as well as solve the riddle of the name of the mystery person placed on their head using only ‘yes’ and ‘no’ questions.
• “Photo shares” of proudest moments, holiday moments, family snaps etc. are also a popular fast activity that can be done with low-trust teams, as are conversations about dream holidays which can also lead to a photo/ picture wall with each person putting an image up of their dream destination.

These types of activities are fast and fun with only limited need for any deeper personal disclosure. As teams build trust and openness towards they can gradually shift to activities which promote deeper levels of awareness and understanding.

Moderate Trust Team Activities

For teams that have established a moderate level of trust some of the more in-depth icebreaker questions are a great primer for deeper conversations.

• “Lifeline (work only)” is a fantastic exercise where people draw a line across a page describing the high points and low points of their career thus far. Restricting the exercise to work-related history is less intense then the full exercise including personal history as well.

• “Team profiling activities” are a great way to extend the depth of understanding and awareness of the various individuals within the team. There are a multitude of personality profiles and instruments that teams can use which provide group reports and activities to further develop team awareness and capability.
• “Bucket lists” are also great exercises to do in moderate trust teams where people are able to reveal more about their hopes and dreams for the future and the stretch goals they hope one day to achieve. 

High Trust Team Activities

• Life Line - The most powerful and revealing team building
  activity I have ever done is the “Life Line” exercise combining both personal and work histories.
  
  
  It is truly a magical experience for the team listening to each other present their lifelines and sharing some of the transformational moments that have shaped their lives. I have done this exercise with co-facilitators I have known for many years many many times and there is always something different – some other aspect of their life story that surfaces each time they present.

• “The letter to older or younger self” is another great team activity for high trust teams either done as a written exercise and shared or done verbally as an interview in a hot seat. Getting people to speak to their younger or older selves can reveal some powerful insights into their values and behaviours.

• “Dreams and Regrets” are also very targeted short icebreaker style questions designed to focus people on the critical aspects of their adult development and future ambitions.

• Finally, “Life Strategy” activities where people discuss their life philosophy or personal mission and then connect this to critical aspects of their lives and goals over 1, 5 and 10 years is also a very powerful exercise for high trust teams.

Your Team: Building Work/Life Awareness & Trust...

Where is your team at currently in terms of trust and work/life awareness? Is the level of trust and appropriate disclosure low, moderate, or high in your team?

Are you up to date with each other’s work/life challenges and needs or has time slipped by since you last thought about the needs of your team? What activities could you use within your team to boost the level of trust, appropriate disclosure, and work/life awareness...?

Ride The Waves of Life!

Dr Pete Stebbins

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"iTeams: Why High Performance Teams Fit In AND Stand Out"

Dr Pete Stebbins, PhD is a Workplace Psychologist and Executive Coach. With many years of research and professional practice behind him he has managed to complete and evaluate numerous leadership and team transformation projects providing the ground swell for the common sense approach of the High Performance Teams Framework. Pete is a regular on LinkedIn writing on Leadership, Teams, Resilience & Life Strategy. Contact Pete at: [email protected] or visit drpetestebbins.com