The High Note with Tara Murney

MAY HAS ARRIVED!

Welcome to my #newsletter , I'm excited to share and connect a tad deeper with all of my readers and those in my communities who have shown me incredible support during my #linkedin journey. Yes, my Newsletters are longer than most so get cozy, grab a coffee and lets go!

Each month, I will share bright insights, stories, inspiring ideas, the latest in research and science, all tied into EI and PQ, in the hopes you find the courage to lean into self-discovery and utilize actionable steps to design your life in a way that brings purpose, more joy, abundance, fulfillment and greater meaning!

Progress Over Perfection

Last Thursday I held an audio room titled, Progress Over Perfection and it was an amazing room and confirms just how many people suffer with perfectionism. As promised, I want to share some of the notes and highlights from the audio room including the 8 practical tips to embrace progress over perfection.?

The adversary, one of the biggest enemies or greatest opponents in my life was known as perfectionism, its one that many of us have encountered. It is a pervasive, persistent presence that can define our actions, occasionally influence us, or be a trait we observe in our companions, coworkers, our spouse, siblings, teammates and ourselves.

From a young age, the concept of perfection was instilled in many of us. We were advised to seek and pursue perfection, as the age-old adage goes: "Practice makes perfect." – How many of you heard that in school or from your parents and elders? However, as we delve deeper into the concept, we uncover the shadows that perfectionism casts.

True perfection is a myth when it comes to humans.

We are multi-faceted, distinct, and complicated beings, always in a state of learning and evolution. There's always room for refinement in every endeavor, whether it's drafting a business report, sharpening our athletic abilities, or broadening our creative prowess.

Brené Brown, a well-known researcher and author, emphasizes a crucial distinction: "Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best,” she suggests. “Perfection is not about healthy achievement and growth.”

Indeed, healthy achievement and growth spring from a different source - a mindset focused on progress rather than perfection.

Choosing progress over perfection offers a meaningful way to enrich our lives, encourage positive learning and performance, and nurture healthier relationships with others. The focus shifts from the unattainable ideal to a journey of continuous growth.

PROGRESS MENTALITY

A progress-oriented mindset is deeply rooted in the ethos of personal growth. Growth, in its essence, is the gradual process of development. This development is evident as we mature physically from childhood to adulthood. It is also manifested in various aspects of our lives, from acquiring technical skills and critical thinking abilities, to fostering emotional intelligence, enhancing interpersonal relationships, and everything in between.

To cultivate a progress-oriented mindset, or lets just call it Progress Mentality, we need to put the principle of growth at the forefront. Many of us have been indoctrinated with a fixed mindset, suggesting that some of our characteristics are inherent and, as such, irreversible. We covered this two weeks ago in our audio room. Beliefs such as, "I'm academically intelligent but lack street smarts," or "I'm terrible with directions," exemplify this fixed mindset. On the other hand, the belief that through effort we can enhance our intellect or improve our geographical awareness signifies a growth mindset.

Why is a progress mentality significant?

It liberates us from the shackles of perfectionism and its subsequent effects. According to research published in the Harvard Business Review, fostering a growth mindset can offer individuals "a deeper understanding of their identity, their values, and their aspirations for future progression."

RECOGNIZING AND TRANSFORMING OUR BEHAVIORAL PATTERNS

Transforming our mindset is not as simple as flicking a switch. Our perspective of the world is deeply entrenched. To adopt a new mindset, we must recognize, comprehend, and subsequently revise the beliefs that shape our behavioral patterns.

ACKNOWLEDGING BEHAVIORAL PATTERNS

Perfectionism can manifest in countless ways, each manifestation being unique. Merely recognizing our perfectionist tendencies is not sufficient. Once we discern these patterns, we need to understand their origins.

Often, an obsession with perfection is associated with fear.

Q: Do you find yourself spending an inordinate amount of time composing and editing a short email?

This is perfectionism, spurred by fear of failure or fear of disapproval. ?

Q: Do you procrastinate on essential tasks?

This is likely due to fear of inadequacy in intelligence, skill, or knowledge to complete the task perfectly, so you delay it.

Overexerting control over personal relationships or situations, becoming a workaholic, or on the contrary, showing apathy and avoiding risks or new ventures, all hint at perfectionism. The manifestations are extensive!

To shift our mindset, we first need to recognize our perfectionist behaviors and understand their underlying causes.

?BEHAVIORS ORIGINATE FROM BELIEFS

While our behaviors might seem random, appearing unexpectedly like a surprise guest at a party, they are anything but. Our behaviors are closely linked to beliefs that we hold about ourselves and the world around us. These beliefs are narratives we construct. Like many narratives, they possess power, but they are not intrinsically factual.

I was actually researching the latest stat on the percentage of beliefs that we carry and couldn’t find anything recent but did resort back to an old paper I had here as part of an article I wrote two years ago and it is said that 93% of our beliefs are a, not ours, b, aren’t factual and c, cause 99% of our anxiety in life. Toxic beliefs are like little gremlins sitting on your shoulders, whispering self-limiting thoughts into your ears. According to?Cleveland Clinic, this belief can be extremely damaging, leading to anxiety and depression. It can also hold you back from taking risks and achieving your full potential. It is the most common belief and a recent psychological study says that up to 70% of people feel like a fraud at some point - have you ever felt like a fraud?

These thoughts poison your mind with self-doubt and prevent you from unlocking your full potential. They also make you feel unworthy and undeserving of success.

Unraveling these beliefs and narratives can be challenging. As children, we all adopt various beliefs to understand the world around us and find our place within it. We may strive to excel to meet the high expectations of our parents. We may become people-pleasers to ensure that those around us approve of us. We may adopt aggression as a defense mechanism in response to threatened or violated boundaries during our younger years.

Perfectionism is tethered to a belief.

If we believe that we can and should attain perfection—our behavior will mirror that belief. And when we inevitably fail to achieve perfection, we don’t question the validity of the belief—we blame ourselves for not being good enough.

Statements like:

"There's something wrong with me."

"I should have been better."

"I am not good enough!"

They start to form our self-narrative. However, these narratives are merely that – narratives. We, humans are hardwired to dismiss facts that don’t necessarily fit into our world to be honest and why in the world do many people staunchly defend their opinions and beliefs even in the face of overwhelming evidence that their ideas and views are totally incorrect?

One explanation is the common phenomenon of cognitive dissonance which I want to quickly touch upon.

COGNITIVE DISSONANCE

Simply said, thinking and reasoning are cognition. It is the mental process of gaining knowledge and understanding through reasoning, experience, information analysis, and thought. A lack of harmony between musical notes is referred to as dissonance in music, but it can also refer to conflict or tension caused by incongruous or conflicting elements.

In the world of Psychology, Cognitive Dissonance is the mental discomfort a person has when they hold two or more opposing views, concepts, or values at the same time. A person feels uneasy when their beliefs conflict with fresh information that has been presented to them. Have you experienced such?

The person will need to alter their thinking or behavior in order to resolve the contradiction or inconsistency, which will restore mental equilibrium and emotional harmony and lessen the psychological discomfort. Cognitive consonance, in other words. It also helps if we can distinguish between fact, opinion, belief and prejudice which I will be discussing in depth in my next newsletter on the 15th; keep note of that.

8 PRACTICAL TIPS TO EMBRACE PROGRESS OVER PERFECTION

Based on my own experience, here is how I have managed my perfectionism in such a way that it no longer hinders my process and I also want to note that some of the exercises or tools that I have used may not work for you and that is okay … we find the ones that work for us and let the others go! Simple.

1.?Recognize Perfectionism: The first step is to identify and acknowledge that perfectionism is hindering progress. Recognition is the first step toward change. What you deny will only continue – yup I have a problem! ?

Tool: Keep a journal and record instances where you notice perfectionistic tendencies. This could be at work, in your personal life, or even your thought patterns. Reflect on how these tendencies affect you.

2.?Set Realistic Goals: Often, perfectionists set unrealistically high standards for themselves. Set goals that are challenging, but attainable. Use SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound) to help with this.

Tool: Write down a list of goals you want to achieve. Review each one and ask yourself if it's realistic or if it's based on perfectionistic standards. Adjust your goals so that they are challenging but achievable.

3.?Practice Self-Compassion: Understand that everyone makes mistakes and that they're a part of growth. Show kindness to yourself when you fall short of your own expectations.

Tool: Write a letter to yourself from the perspective of a compassionate friend. What would this friend say to you after a perceived failure or mistake? This can help you internalize a more compassionate voice.

4.?Value the Process Over the Outcome: Instead of focusing on the end result, value the journey. Learning, growth, and experience come from the process, not just the outcome.

Tool: Pick a task you're working on. Each day, write down one thing you learned or enjoyed about the process of working on the task, regardless of the outcome.

5. Break Tasks Down: Large tasks can seem daunting and the desire to get them perfect can be overwhelming. Breaking tasks down into manageable parts can help reduce the anxiety around them.

Tool: Identify a large task that feels overwhelming. Break it down into smaller, manageable tasks. Write these tasks down and tackle them one at a time

6.?Embrace Mistakes as Learning Opportunities: Perfectionists often fear mistakes. Instead, see mistakes as an opportunity to learn and grow, not as a sign of failure. Let’s face it; failure doesn’t feel great. We tried something, we put in the effort, and despite the effort, it didn’t go the way we wanted. That hurts. But failure is an inevitable part of trying. It’s a stepping-stone to growth. If we try at anything, of course we are going to make mistakes. Renowned filmmaker Charlie Kauffman views failure differently. “Failure is a badge of honour,” he writes. “It means you risked failure.” Risking failure is a bold action. It takes courage. That courage deserves to be recognized. By expecting and embracing failure, we are shifting focus onto the effort and progress we made, and reinforcing a progress mindset.

Tool: After a mistake or setback, take a moment to write down what you learned from the experience and how it can inform your actions in the future.

7.?Do the shitty first draft: We must truly begin if we are going to start something. Both wannabe company owners and authors who never actually begin their projects are people we all know.

Whether it's a novel, a business proposal, a rough sketch of a painting, or the very first chords of a new song, almost everything isn't very good in the first draught.

Our first draught needs to be flawless, according to a perfectionist's mentality. The majority of first draughts will be a disaster, but that is a terrific place to start, according to a growth mentality.

Tool: Read Bird by Bird: Instructions on Writing and Life Anne Lamott

8.?Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness can help reduce stress and anxiety associated with perfectionism. It helps you to stay present and reduces overthinking about potential outcomes.

Tool: Spend 10-15 minutes each day practicing mindfulness. This could involve meditation, deep breathing exercises, or simply sitting quietly and observing your surroundings.

Bonus tips and tools …

9.?Celebrate Progress: Take time to celebrate small victories and progress, even if the end goal hasn't been reached yet. This can help reinforce the value of progression over perfection. Those little actions add up, and it's crucial to understand how they fit into the bigger picture.

As a writer, it's simple to become preoccupied with completing the book I'm working on and to put off any celebrations till then. However, staying up for an extra 30 minutes to finish a chapter is a triumph to be proud of. After four tries, finally getting the chapter right is a victory worth remembering I believe.

We may change our mindset from one of perfectionism and this binary succeed/fail thinking to one of progress by appreciating the minor victories. Have you completed a chapter? Celebrate! This week, you applied for five new jobs. Celebrate! You defended yourself during a challenging conversation? Embrace it!

Tool: Keep a "progress journal". Each day, write down at least one thing you did that moved you closer to your goal. It doesn't matter how small it is - the aim is to recognize and celebrate progress.

10.?Limit Comparison with Others: Everyone's journey is different. Constantly comparing yourself to others can fuel perfectionism. Instead, focus on your own growth and progress.

Tool: If you find yourself comparing to others, especially on social media, set designated times for usage and stick to them. Practice gratitude by writing down three things you're grateful for each day to shift focus to your own life and progress.

11.?Seek Professional Help: If perfectionism is causing significant distress, I would consider seeking help from a psychologist or a counselor. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can be particularly effective for dealing with perfectionism.

I personally used to see progress as a linear process, like climbing a staircase up and at a constant speed or pace but through experience I can assure you that is rarely the case folks. Often we fall, we stumble, we cry, we move backward, then backward once more; it is not linear at all. I have fallen down that staircase so many times its unbelievable - but I always get back up and that is a key to progress.

I also want you to know that those mistakes shouldn't make you feel bad, know that they are necessary for progress; that is truth. Even if taking steps backward is unpleasant, they frequently turn out to be gifts. I encourage you all who are reading this newsletter this morning to start to recognize and accept that – they are gifts! Instead of battling them, we should welcome a growth mentality! As my friend Tim Storey would say, they are not a "setback" but rather a "setup" for what is ahead in the next season!

Emotional Intelligence – The Better Leader

I aim to cover Emotional Intelligence in each newsletter as I deeply believe its vital as a component in any leadership position, especially those who sit at the helm of companies and are responsible for other people's mental and emotional wellbeing.

After watching the video of CEO Andi Owen and her "pity city" remarks or the very recent video of Clearlink CEO James Clarke, a tech?boss?who applauded one of his workers for?selling?the family?dog?so he could return to work in the company's office - it is a reminder to me that we can do so much better and that these positions and companies, including employees, are still suffering.

Now, I have read thousands and thousands of comments with an open-mind based off these two particular videos in reference but at the end of the day, EI is the catalyst to taking a company above and beyond while making employees feel valued, appreciated, and respected. One of the greatest examples of this is the company VIRGIN owned by Richard Branson - Sir Richard Branson to be correct. Employees are at the forefront, even before financial success but he understand that when you put the employees first, success indefinitely follows.

Let us cover Emotional Intelligence again for my new readers and how it makes you a better leader in today's fast growing economy and demanding world!

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) represents our capability to comprehend and manage our own emotions and the emotions of those around us. This concept was first introduced by psychologist Daniel Goleman in his transformative bestseller, 'Emotional Intelligence: Why it Can Matter More Than IQ,' published in 1995. Following its inception, numerous research endeavors have concluded that EQ is an essential quality for effective leadership.

A person with high EQ not only recognizes and controls their emotions but also understands how their feelings can impact others, thus behaving thoughtfully in social situations. Goleman identified five critical components of emotional intelligence: self-awareness, empathy, motivation, social skills, and self-regulation. Enhancing these areas can significantly improve your emotional intelligence, thereby making you a more effective leader. Below, we delve into how each component can improve leadership effectiveness and provide practical examples for each.

Enhanced Self-Awareness

Understanding oneself forms the foundation of understanding others. Goleman emphasized that self-awareness is a crucial aspect of emotional intelligence as it allows one to be attuned to their emotions, acknowledge their personal strengths and weaknesses, and appreciate their self-worth. When a leader values themselves, they are likely to extend the same respect to others. Employees tend to perform better when they feel valued and appreciated. For example, a self-aware leader can recognize when they are stressed and take appropriate steps to manage their stress levels, which can prevent potential negative impacts on their team.

Leading Through Empathy

Empathy can significantly boost a team's productivity. Leaders with empathy can understand situations from other people's perspectives, enabling them to sense and respond to others' emotions, which can lead to a feeling of being understood. Despite personal challenges, most people prefer to keep their personal lives separate from their work. However, empathetic leaders can read beyond mere words, sensing the emotional energy and responding accordingly. For instance, an empathetic leader might notice that an employee seems quieter than usual, and instead of ignoring this change, they might check in with the individual to ensure they are okay.

Fostering Motivation

Highly emotionally intelligent individuals are typically self-motivated. They possess a powerful personal drive, a commitment to achieving their goals, and a desire for continuous self-improvement. Their optimistic and resilient attitude views challenges as opportunities rather than obstacles. This kind of motivational energy can inspire their team, encouraging them to work to their fullest potential. For example, an emotionally intelligent leader might share their personal experiences of overcoming challenges, inspiring their team to tackle difficulties with a similar positive mindset.

Superior Social Skills

Effective communication is a vital aspect of social skills, particularly for leaders. Leaders need to convey the organization's vision and strategy to their team in a manner that inspires and motivates them. Moreover, the diverse personalities in the workplace require the leader to adapt their communication style to cater to different individuals. For example, a leader with strong social skills might explain a complex project in various ways, ensuring that every team member understands the task according to their unique learning style.

Effective Self-Regulation

Individuals with good self-regulation don't let emotions dictate their decisions. They are rational, calm, and composed, taking time to reflect before responding, and always maintaining a high level of self-control. They are adept at managing stress—a key quality in today's fast-paced work environments. Unchecked stress in a leader can permeate the whole team, but a leader who effectively manages stress earns their employees' trust and respect. For instance, instead of yelling at their team when a target isn't met, a self-regulating leader might calmly analyze the situation, identify the issues, and work with the team to develop a plan to improve performance.

Improving emotional intelligence skills is a journey that requires dedication and practice. To start, you can engage in mindfulness techniques to gain a better understanding of your feelings, which will help you manage negative emotions and harness them productively. Additionally, working on your self-confidence can be beneficial, as insecurity often stems from self-doubt or disappointment. Practicing mindfulness can also help you identify areas that need improvement, and as you consciously address your weaknesses, your confidence and emotional intelligence will both increase.

Other strategies to enhance your emotional intelligence include active listening, engaging in regular self-reflection, seeking feedback from others, and developing your problem-solving skills. By consistently working on these aspects, you will not only become a more emotionally intelligent leader but also foster a more positive and productive work environment for your team. Ultimately, your investment in improving your EQ will contribute to your overall success as a leader and the success of your organization which I hope both CEO's mentioned above consider after their videos have now gone viral.

Small Acts of Kindness are Frequent and Universal

An international team of researchers, led by UCLA sociologist Giovanni Rossi, conducted a study revealing that people across the globe are inherently cooperative, signaling for help every few minutes, and others complying with these requests more often than not.

“Cultural differences like these have created a puzzle for understanding cooperation and helping among humans," said Rossi, the paper's first author. "Are our decisions about sharing and helping shaped by the culture we grew up with? Or are humans generous and giving by nature?"

The study, which examined over 40 hours of video footage from various towns and rural areas, found that irrespective of cultural differences, people share a common propensity to assist each other. Even when unable to help, most individuals provide an explanation. These findings contradict previous studies that suggested cooperation was largely influenced by cultural norms and rules, indicating instead that helpfulness is a universal human trait. While cultural variation impacts larger, high-cost decisions, it has minimal effect on everyday, low-cost interactions where human helpfulness is universally visible.

"While cultural variation comes into play for special occasions and high-cost exchange, when we zoom in on the micro level of social interaction, cultural difference mostly goes away, and our species' tendency to give help when needed becomes universally visible," he said.

To read the full article click HERE

Mark May 5th on the Calendar!

Over the weekend, I decided to unbox all of my astrology work, including years of writings, readings, moon boxes, tools, literature, thank you notes and dive right back into the world of astrology; something I have a deep passion for. My creative juices are bubbling! I want to offer you a brief synopsis of what is coming ahead on May 5th for many of us - its an exciting time and its a full moon; one of 13 this year that we get to experience in all her glorious illumination.

When the Sun in the grounded sign of Taurus directly opposes the Moon in the mysterious sign of Scorpio, a Full Moon comes into fruition, I'm sure most have no idea what I am talking about at this point but stay with me. Most of the language in astrology can seem confusing, even sounds a little gibberish however, in due time I will break down most of this jargon and you will become an expert!!

This celestial event marks the pinnacle of the lunar cycle and represents the apex of intentions set forth during the New Moon. It's an emotional moment, filled with plenty of dram and mad passion! This period is typically associated with romance, interpersonal relationship and creativity; my fvaourite!

This Full Moon occurs at 14 degrees and 58 minutes of Scorpio, primarily impacting those with personal planets and points at roughly 10 to 20 degrees of the Fixed signs (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, and Aquarius). The influence could have profound and transformative effects on these individuals, encouraging them to reassess their values and beliefs which I encourage you all to do.

At the heart of the Taurus-Scorpio polarity is the interplay between self and other, the material and the spiritual, stability and transformation. Taurus, symbolizing the physical and material, urges us to appreciate the simple, tangible aspects of life which often we overlook. I definitely have in reflection. It represents our personal values, our possessions, and our need for security. In contrast, Scorpio, the sign of change and transformation, pushes us to delve into the intangible complexities and mysteries of life something of which I love to do! It governs shared possessions and our ability to transform and evolve.

The Full Moon brings attention to the need for a harmonious balance between these two energies. Neglecting one or becoming overly reliant on the other could lead to imbalance and dissatisfaction which you do not want at all. It's a time for emotional revelations, for releasing what has been building within us, especially those matters of a deeply personal and intimate nature; does that resonate with any of you? The Full Moon's energy almost compels us to express these emotions and experiences which I recommend that you do even if its challenging.

In the following months, we'll begin to comprehend the implications of these emotional declarations. For the moment, however, it's essential to voice our feelings, to share them rather than suppress them. The Full Moon, in all its luminescent glory, illuminates this tension between accumulation and expression.

As the Moon shines brightly, casting its light into the dark corners of our lives, it brings to consciousness feelings and realizations that were previously hidden or suppressed. This illumination isn't just literal; it's symbolic of the inner enlightenment we experience. It's a call to express ourselves and release pent-up emotions, even though they might be raw and not entirely rational.

Full Moons don't create new issues; instead, they highlight existing ones that we may have been ignoring or avoiding. They shed light on these issues, encouraging us to confront and deal with them. You must release the heavy baggage prior to moving forward.

This Full Moon, in particular, is a Lunar Eclipse and forms part of a series of eclipses along the Taurus-Scorpio axis from November 2021 to October 2023. It has a heightened significance as it nudges us towards a deeper understanding of our emotional attachments, financial standing, and intimate relationships. It's a cosmic catalyst for growth and transformation, underscoring the necessity and, indeed, the importance of change in our lives.

As the May Flower Moon graces the sky, it will be positioned in the constellation of Scorpio. Scorpio is recognized for its intensity, obscurity, and enigma. Being a water sign, it plunges deep into our concealed subconscious and emotional depths. A full moon in Scorpio amplifies these characteristics.

Under the influence of Scorpio, our suppressed emotions, memories, and desires come to the fore. Paired with the full moon, we might find ourselves grappling with imbalances, a strong urge for control, and heightened emotional sensitivity. While the revelations brought forth by Scorpio's energy may be challenging to accept, acknowledging them is crucial. Consequently, this becomes a period of healing and metamorphosis as we introspect and reflect on the insights presented to us. It's an opportune moment to shed fears and buried emotions.

While the Scorpio moon urges us to confront our inner darkness, it simultaneously bolsters our conscious and subconscious capabilities and passions. We may experience increased focus and concentration; hence writing for three days straight in my case! Distractions are likely to diminish, and our innate abilities magnify. This could be an ideal time to buckle down and tackle demanding tasks that necessitate considerable mental focus. The energy of Scorpio aids us in maintaining discipline throughout the day. Scorpio's influence also enhances our psychic abilities and intuition, improving our understanding of people and situations. Our intuition could serve as a guiding light in the face of unfamiliar or enigmatic circumstances. When the moon resides in Scorpio, sexual energy also intensifies. Scorpio energy craves connection rather than fleeting encounters. This is a night where profound bonds can be forged through intimacy, sex, or self-pleasure. With the Moon in Scorpio, our minds are more acute, intuition more potent, and sexual desire is at its fullest.

The Scorpio moon carries a potent transformative energy, offering prospects for change and rebirth in this spring season. Delve within and confront the truths that our shadow selves present. Accept them for what they are and implement the necessary changes highlighted by the Scorpio moon. Under this May moon, surrender to the process, then initiate a fresh start.

To read more about the Full "Flower" Moon, read my latest article, a part of a new Moon Series (at the request of my community) HERE complete with the history and 2023 Full Moon Calendar!

Toxic Beliefs Destroy Your Potential

Do you suffer from Imposter Syndrome? Do you always see yourself as a "victim"? Or maybe you seek constant validation from others to feel worthy?

Harmful beliefs act as quiet, persistent, aggressive saboteurs in our minds, undermining our confidence, genius, gifts and hindering us from reaching our utmost potential. They seed self-doubt and feelings of unworthiness, obstructing our path to success - sound familiar?

As a young person, I often heard from my elders that the sky was the limit, and with determination, I could accomplish anything. This belief fueled many victories, but occasionally, skepticism crept in, leading to a spiral of failures and dilemmas spanning the emotional, physical, psychological, mental, and social realms. This is actually quite common, it feels like a solo mission when we are in the muck of it but statistically, we aren't alone.

Like me, you've likely battled with such damaging convictions that obstruct the path to a fulfilling life, Lord knows I have a gazillion times! Whenever self-doubt arises now, I remind myself that these harmful beliefs are responsible for most life issues, something I don't wish to welcome into my existence any longer. Here below, I outline three widespread harmful beliefs based on statistics and ways to counteract them based on my own experience in the hopes you find a way to end the toxicity that is hindering you from unlocking your potential!

The Imposter Syndrome: "I'm Undeserving of My Achievements"

In my early twenties, I consistently ranked among the top companies here in Toronto, Ontario Canada within the Event Space, I created two sister companies birthed from this original service based company yet, I often felt like an imposter, a fraud masquerading as the accomplished individual others perceived me to be and often came to for advice and direction - how so?

I created a product which I sold to a very well known and established brand known as Kleinfeld's and I also became an international guest speaker, why did I feel like this?

This harmful conviction, known as imposter syndrome, makes you feel inadequate, unworthy despite an abundance of evidence to the contrary. Craziness! It's a mental plague that seeds doubt about your capabilities, making you feel like a fraud destined for eventual unmasking which ruminates in your daily thoughts. Based on these thoughts, we ask ourselves questions like: "What if they discover I'm not as competent as they believe me to be?" or "I'm undeserving of my success because I'm not sufficiently skilled and I am no expert" can permeate your mind and leave you feeling defeated and a complete fraud.

This belief can be seriously damaging, ultimately it can cause major anxiety and even depression. It also leads to taking little to no risk at all which results in most throwing in the towel on the pursuit of happiness, potential, purpose and fulfillment. Did you know that this is also the most prevalent belief, with psychological research revealing that up to 70% of individuals have felt like frauds at some point. You are not alone my friend and there is good news - it can be overcome and we can become better friends with our inner critic. We can take the megaphone away and take back control of our thoughts and therefore, our life. Sounds like a win to me!

Strategies for Overcoming Imposter Syndrome:

• Maintain mindfulness of your thoughts and feelings. When feelings of fraudulence arise, take a step back to observe your thoughts without reaction.
• Celebrate your achievements, no matter how insignificant they may seem. Credit is due where it's deserved.
• Confide in a trusted individual when feeling low. A supportive friend or loved one can provide understanding and encouragement.
• Remember, you're not alone in these feelings. Everyone experiences self-doubt occasionally.

Victim Mentality: "I'm a Victim"

This belief is closely tied to the fear of rejection. The victim mentality manifests when you feel powerless and perceive life as something that happens to you rather than something you can control.

You might be plagued with thoughts like, "I always make mistakes," or "Why am I always the unlucky one?" This mentality leads to feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy that leaves you stuck in your current situation.

The problem with the victim mentality is that it renders you incapable of making life-altering decisions. You may believe you're powerless to change your circumstances, leading to a defeatist attitude.

However, the truth is that you are far from powerless. You hold the key to change in your life, but this requires you to take responsibility for your happiness.

Strategies for Overcoming the Victim Mentality:

• Change your language. Substitute "I can't" with "I can," and replace "This always happens to me" with "I create my reality."
• Begin with making minor decisions for your life. You're the only one in control of your thoughts, actions, and emotions. Your happiness is your responsibility.
• Focus on what you can control. Life is full of uncontrollable elements, but our reactions to them are within our control. Concentrate on what you can influence and release the rest.

Fear of Rejection: "Others' Approval"

Growing up, I was taught or led to believe that good behavior was awarded and was a prerequisite for love. This belief instilled a fear of rejection in me, causing me to avoid risks and strive for perfection to avoid disapproval. I became a people-pleaser, constantly seeking external validation which lasted decades.

However, after dedicating time to self development, reading plenty of books and working with some amazing mentors and coaches, I realized that rejection is natural and unavoidable, and that love and acceptance aren't contingent on success or failure which changed the entire direction of my life.

The fear of rejection immobilizes your actions because past rejections make you believe history will repeat itself. You're not scared of rejection per se, but how others will perceive you.

Strategies for Overcoming the Fear of Rejection:

• Challenge your beliefs. Ask yourself if your fear is rational. Is there concrete evidence to support it.
• Instead of focusing on others' opinions, concentrate on your own self-perception.
• Jot down reasons why your fears are unfounded. Writing can help rewire your subconscious mind to accept a new reality.
• Practice self-compassion. Be gentle with yourself in the face of failure or mistakes. Remember, to err is human.

You can eradicate these harmful beliefs and welcoming more success into your life beginning with acknowledging these faulty beliefs in the first place. You aren't alone and know that millions of people battle this exact issue daily. Once you've identified them, you can question their validity and start eliminating them from your thought patterns. Become the proof-seeker as I always state, is there truth to these thoughts? Are they factual? Chances are, they are not.

The approach will differ for everyone, and that is okay. Some may find it helpful to discuss their negative thoughts with a friend or even a therapist, while others may prefer writing down their harmful beliefs and challenging them, reading literature or hiring a coach - the key is to initiate the process of change and maintain momentum, that is how the toxic thoughts no longer become the captain of your potential and you know take the lead!

Who Loves Riddles? A L'il Fun on a Monday!

The Greatest Riddles Of All Time:

Over the weekend as I was clearing out my desk and doing a little clean sweep of my office, I came across an old folder titled "Grade 7's" and out of my curiosity took a quick look and found all my research on EI in the education system along with exercises, tools and this sheet filled with riddles.

Who loves riddles and puzzles? I do!

I thought I'd share them here with you as they not only exercise our brains in a different way, they help us with critical thinking and problem-solving skills. In addition, riddles can be a fun and they encourage creativity while providing a sense of satisfaction for most. Here below are 13 of the greatest riddles of all time - NO CHEATING which means no google searches, challenge yourself!

READY???!

1. You’re running a race and pass the person in 2nd place. What place are you in now?
2. Who makes it, but has no need of it. Who buys it, but has no use for it. Who uses it but can neither see nor feel it? What is it?
3. You answer me, but I never ask you a question. What am I?
4. What can travel around the world while staying in a corner?
5. Some months have 30 days, and some months have 31 days. How many have 28?
6. What occurs once in every minute, twice in every moment, but never in a thousand years?
7. If there are three apples and you take two away, how many apples do you have?
8. What has no beginning, end, or middle?
9. If you have me, you want to share me. But if you share me, you no longer have me. What am I?
10. Two girls were born to the same mother, on the same day, at the same time, in the same month and year and yet they’re not twins. How can this be?
11. At night they come without being fetched. By day they are lost without being stolen. What are they?
12. What is so delicate that even saying its name will break it?
13. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?

HOW DID YOU DO? You can either wait till the next newsletter to find out the answers or if you have no patience (LOL), DM me and I’ll share the answers ??

Book of The Week

Well after all the buzz, I caved and bought Alex Hormozi’s book: $100M Offers – How to Make Offers So Good People Feel Stupid Saying No

I have been binge watching his videos and listening to his podcasts while driving for the last two weeks solid, he's a fascinating man and to boot; quite successful. I picked up this book and to be honest, I have so many thoughts as the techniques in this book seem to function simply by pure magic! It all seems so effortless to him but this may be due to the fact they are so quick, straightforward, and certainty efficient.

I read a review from a woman who stated: "If you use even one of the strategies in this book, you'll notice a difference in the way your prospects behave. When people begin asking "What do I need to do to move forward?" before you ever ask for the sale, you'll know the $100M Offer strategy has been successful." This caught my attention, sales is not my strong suit and I wanted to learn, to expand my knowledge, so what better book from a man who is leading the pack in this arena?

For those who have never heard of Alex Hormozi let me give you a quick bio:

Alex is a fitness enthusiast, author, investor, philanthropist, social media influencer, and entrepreneur. He founded several companies, including Gym Launch, Acquisition.com, and Prestige Labs. He’s the first in his family to achieve solid business success. He has millions of followers and you can even find him here on LinkedIn dishing out contrarian thoughts!

I won’t give the book away but will save you some time and provide you the table of contents so you can decide if its right for you:

Section I: How We Got Here

1. How We Got Here

2. Grand Slam Offers

Section II: Pricing

3. Pricing: The Commodity Problem

4. Pricing: Finding The Right Market — A Starving Crowd

5. Pricing: Charge What It’s Worth

Section III: Value – Create Your Offer

6. Value Offer: The Value Equation

7. Free Goodwill

8. Value Offer: The Thought Process

9. Value Offer: Creating Your Grand Slam Offer Part I: Problems and Solutions

10. Value Offer: Creating Your Grand Slam Offer Part II: Trim and Stack

Section IV: Enhancing Your Offer

11. Enhancing The Offer: Scarcity, Urgency, Bonuses, Guarantees, and Naming

12. Enhancing The Offer: Scarcity

13. Enhancing The Offer: Urgency

14. Enhancing The Offer: Bonuses

15. Enhancing The Offer: Guarantees

16. Enhancing The Offer: Naming

Section V: Execution

Your First $100,000”

This is one of those books that I will end up reading over and over to learn his framework and practice the implementation as I personally, still have a long way to go in my entrepreneurial journey, but for those who are seeking to learn from someone who has an estimated net worth of $100 million, which he has achieved by investing mostly into high cash flow, sales-focused startups offering digital products and services this book is for you!!!?

ART OF LIVIN' EVENT

On Monday April 24th I participated in one of the largest virtual events created and delivered by Dean Graziosi , Tony Robbins and Matthew McConaughey, 2.4 million viewers across many platforms!

It was a huge learning experience for me, not only due to the plethora of information shared by all three superhumans mentioned above, as well as the incredible Marie Forbes and soulful Trent Shelton but specifically as a moderator! There were hundreds of zoom rooms that needed to be moderated and boy oh boy, what a challenge!!! My partner and myself were part of the Team Livin’ Ambassadors (moderators) for 500+ people in one zoom room!

It was an amazing day behind the scenes at one of the largest events in history, breaking zoom and zoom records! Congratulations on such an achievement!

My favorite quotes of the day:

“Emotions equal the quality of your life.”

“Everything that works against you can work FOR you.”

I learned so much that day, not just from the speakers but from being a moderator, here are a few things I definitely took away with me from this experince ...

• I work very well under pressure! Check!
• So many of us humans share the same fears and thoughts, the comment feed was filled with repetitive comments which may sound familiar to you: "I'm scared" - "I feel like a failure to my family" - "I feel like a fraud" - "I'm not worthy of love" - "I don't know my purpose" and so many more!
• Organization matters! Hats off to Team Livin' Crew! The amount of planning is unlike anything I've ever witnessed before and I'm thoroughly impressed to say the least!
• Patience is key! It was challenging to keep up with the constant flow of chat, I found myself scrolling up and down just to answer questions in a timely manner. While most people were patient in waiting for a reply, others - not so much.
• Self-regulation is another key, not only for the participants but for the moderators. While a majority of participants were patient and wonderful, there were some who were very impatient, angry and flooded the comment section with profanity, rude and crude comments and had to be removed unfortunately. Being able to regulate your emotions during an event with millions of personalities, temperaments, moods and individuals desires and needs can be the difference between a failure and a win.
• Virtual Events take a lot of planning and execution, proving that team collaboration reigns supreme. Virtual events with millions of participants are bound to run into complications and issues however, when you have a team who works together "to get it resolved" they prove to be successful in all measures. Team work makes for dream work!
• Given I had seven to eight screens open, including a SLACK channel for support and communication with the entire Team Livin' Crew; I managed to not be overwhelmed. Often we get in our own head, we self sabotage when the pressure is on and I am proud of myself for remaining composed, organized and simply allowed myself to enjoy the "experience" itself.
• I am so grateful that I choose to invest in myself years ago to receive such an opportunity like I had that day and work with some of the world's best leaders and teams in marketing, self-development, and transformational leadership. I am so grateful to the team for offering me the opportunity to learn, grow and shine in my own space!

Inspirational Human of the Week

Meet my dear friend Dr. Charlson Gaines! I met Charlson back years ago on the social app known as Clubhouse and we've been great friends ever since!

He has accomplished a great deal including:

• 1st degree black belt, yup he's a secret ninja!
• Licensed Realtor
• Certified Java Developer
• Master's in Project Management
• PhD in Psychology
• Retired Veteran
• Kidney transplant recipient
• Cognitive behavioral Life Coach
• Certified Trauma Professional
• Certified Sexual Assault Victim Advocate
• Professional Speaker
• Entrepreneur
• Author
• Podcast host
• and recently the host of the KOPE Life Nation Show.

Dr. Gaines uses his PEN Methodology to educate and train people on how to elevate their lives and replace misery with happiness. His PEN Methodology is the integration of Positive Psychology, Emotional Intelligence, and Neuroscience. Dr. Gaines' television show KOPE Life Nation brings you incredible guests every week that will inspire, motivate, and move you towards living a life of Kindness, Optimism, Positivity, and Empathy. He's impacted thousands of lives globally with in-person and virtual events, including several thousand US military members while speaking on various topics such as mental health, burnout, proactive suicide prevention, sexual assault prevention, and positive parenting.

Dr. Gaines' mission is to elevate the world one heart, one mind, one soul at a time by getting everyone to choose Kindness, Optimism, Positivity and Empathy daily.?

I am so proud of him and I'm thrilled that he will be joining me as a guest speaker on May 4th, 2023 at 9:30 am EST on #linkedinaudio - please do come and join us as we will be discussing Self-Acceptance and how to become "unstuck". You can attend HERE !

Oh ... WAIT!

Before you go:

I love feedback and welcome it all!

I do put a lot of time, energy, and thought into each one of these newsletters so its important that I receive feedback -?good old honest and transparent feedback so that I know how to best serve my audience.

These newsletters are not about me nor for me but rather my readers and followers in the hopes and with a goal to help them navigate obstacles, read the latest in research and science, find the courage to lean into self-discovery and utilize actionable steps to design a life in a way that brings purpose, more joy, abundance, fulfillment and greater meaning!

Please?...

let me know what you liked

what you would like more of or less of

and how I can support you best during your journey!

If you know someone that this newsletter could serve, please share it out.

Until next time ...