High-Functioning Autism and the Alpha Woman: Understanding Your Later-in-Life Diagnosis

NeuroNinjas, how the heck are you?

Before we jump into this week’s edition, I want to take a moment to talk about something important: the term "High-Functioning Autism." As a mental health professional, I know this term isn’t used in clinical settings anymore, including in the DSM-5, and there are valid reasons for that shift. Language around neurodiversity and autism is evolving, and it’s vital that we honor and respect that evolution. Terms like Childhood Schizophrenia, Infantile Autism, and Asperger’s have all been updated over time, with Autism Spectrum Disorder (or Condition, which I personally prefer) being the more accurate and inclusive terminology today.

That said, I also understand that many of us still resonate with "High-Functioning Autism." It’s the term that has helped many of us make sense of our experiences and communicate our journeys. For me, and for many others, this term was key in answering those big, lingering questions: "How did I miss this?" and "You’ve made it this far in life; why now?"

So, while we’re embracing more accurate language, I’m using "High-Functioning Autism" here to meet you where you are. It’s a bridge between the familiar and the new, helping us connect with our past experiences while embracing the progress we’re making together.

Now that we’ve built that bridge between where we’ve been and where we’re headed let’s dive into a new segment of the NeuroFEM Digest called?"Inclusive Insights,"?which is part of our 'Education' pillar.

In this space, we’re going to dig deep, get real, and explore the truths that come with being a neurodivergent powerhouse in a world that doesn’t always get us.

Today, we’re kicking things off with a topic that’s close to my heart:?"High-Functioning Autism and the Alpha Woman: Understanding Your Later-in-Life Diagnosis."?If you’ve ever felt like the woman who has to keep it all together while the world around you seems to crumble—or if you’ve just received a life-altering diagnosis and you’re wondering what the hell it means for your future—this one’s for you.

This piece isn’t just about the diagnosis—it’s about the moment when you finally see yourself clearly, when the puzzle pieces start to fit, and you realize you’ve been playing a game that wasn’t designed for you. It’s about stepping into your power, owning your neurodivergence, and realizing that being both an alpha and authentically autistic isn’t just possible—it’s what makes you unstoppable.

High-Functioning Autism and the Alpha Woman: Understanding Your Later-in-Life Diagnosis"

For as long as you can remember, you’ve been the woman who gets things done. The leader in the room, the problem-solver everyone turns to when the stakes are high. You’ve built a life that others might call “successful”—a career that thrives, relationships that are solid, and an identity that commands respect. But behind all of that, there’s a truth that has only recently come into focus: you’re neurodivergent; specifically, you’ve been diagnosed with High-Functioning Autism/Autistic Spectrum Disorder (for me, it's AuDHD). And while this diagnosis brings with it a sense of relief for some, it also opens the floodgates to a wave of emotions and realizations that are as overwhelming as they are illuminating.

This diagnosis, coming later in life, is both a revelation and a huge challenge, right? Suddenly, so much of your past begins to make sense—the ways in which you’ve felt different, the social interactions that drained you, the need for structure and routine that others seemed not to need. The pieces of the puzzle start to fit together, and there’s a certain level of comfort in finally having a name for what you’ve experienced. But with this clarity comes the weight of what’s been lost—the years spent forcing yourself to fit into a world that wasn’t designed for your brain, the energy expended on masking your true self to be “normal,” the opportunities missed because you didn’t know how to advocate for your own needs. Then comes the WHO TF AM I questioning every single part of your life!

The realization that you’re not just the strong, capable woman you’ve always been—you’re the strong, capable woman with autism. And that knowledge changes things. It challenges the narrative you’ve lived with for so long, the one where you were just “quirky,” “intense,” "weird," "a rebel," or “a perfectionist.” It forces you to reconsider how you’ve navigated the world and to reimagine what your life could look like if you leaned into your neurodivergence instead of trying to suppress it.

The journey ahead is about more than just understanding your diagnosis—it’s about integrating it into your identity in a way that feels empowering rather than limiting. It’s about embracing the strengths that come with being neurodivergent, even as you navigate the challenges. It’s about finding a way to be both an alpha and Authentically Autistic (my new Podcast, stay tuned) and recognizing that these two aspects of yourself are not in conflict—they make you perfectly imperfect, wildly weird, and uniquely you!

I’m so f*cking grateful to finally be in a place where I can talk about this, bring you along on this journey with me, and have you on this journey with me. This is just the beginning, neurokinfolk—there’s so much more to come!

Before You Go:

Practical Educational Tips for Navigating Your "Alpha Masked" and "Alpha Unmasked" Self

• Tip 1: Recognize and Honor Both Selves. Acknowledge that both your masked and unmasked selves have served you in different ways. Your "alpha masked" self helped you survive and thrive in environments that didn’t understand you, while your "alpha unmasked" self allowed you to embrace your true identity. Journaling about the strengths of each can help you integrate these aspects of yourself.
• Tip 2: Set Boundaries That Reflect Your Authentic Needs. As you transition to living more authentically, it is crucial to set boundaries that honor your true self. Start by identifying situations where you feel drained or inauthentic, and practice setting small boundaries in these areas. Over time, expand these boundaries to cover more significant aspects of your life and work.
• Tip 3: Practice Self-Compassion. The shift from being masked to unmasked can be challenging and emotionally taxing. Practice self-compassion by being gentle with yourself during this transition. When old habits of masking arise, remind yourself that you are doing the best you can and that it’s okay to take things one step at a time.
• Tip 4: Embrace Authentic Connections. Seek out relationships and communities where you can be your unmasked self. Surround yourself with people who support and accept you as you are. This might mean reevaluating some relationships and seeking out new connections that align with your true self.
• Tip 5: Reframe Your Perfectionism If your "alpha masked" self was driven by perfectionism, try to reframe this mindset. Instead of striving for perfection, focus on progress and authenticity. Remind yourself that it’s okay to be imperfect and that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness.

If today’s edition resonated with you or sparked something in your beautifully brilliant brain, hit reply and let me know (good, bad, or whatever). If you’re ready to dive deeper, we have some incredible new services, offers, and resources launching in the next few weeks designed to help you align your brand's vision and values with your truest, most authentic (unmasked) self. More on that soon, so if you haven't already...click that subscribe button and share with your tribe!

Keep shining, keep fighting, and keep showing up as your authentic self. The world needs your magic.

Warmly and fiercely, Develda Edgington, MA

Your Authentically Autistic Brand Therapist ???