Is High Expectations a Good Thing Or Is It Setting Us Up To Fail?

This CEO had a problem. He was successful in his career, but something was missing in his personal life (I coach a lot of people with that problem). Prime example: on this occasion, his teenage daughter came home from school after soccer practice. She looked happy and seemed proud of herself. “Here, Dad, what do you think of this?” as she handed him her report card, beaming at her mother, who was in the room.?

“How did you do, honey?” asked the mother.?

“Five A’s,” the daughter replied giddily. “Best semester in two years!”

The father hadn’t said a word yet. He finished looking at the report card and put it on the kitchen counter. Looking at the daughter, he said, “What about the B?”

The daughter’s eyes widened. The mother put her head in her hands and shook it. “What do you mean, ‘What about the B,’“ she screamed at her father. “What about the five A’s!”

She grabbed the report card and stormed upstairs, slamming her bedroom door behind her.?

What this CEO needed was balance in his life. Yes, work and his career were important. But so was his family (at least, it should have been).?

There’s not much more unsettling in family life than irate teenagers who think their parents don’t appreciate them.?

Mindfulness and Success

At his wife’s insistence, he came to me for some coaching. After hearing him out, I did a training with him on mindfulness.

Being mindful encompasses being aware of your thoughts, minding your thoughts, and taking a break from your thoughts. It is a disciplining of your mind. When you can take an extended break from your thoughts, you can increase clarity and focus.??

You also increase emotional intelligence because it makes you less reactive by managing your emotions, which then can increase decision making.?

Lastly, being mindful can help you become more objective of yourself with a goal to stop negative self-talk (like thinking five A’s on a report card are not good enough) and thinking positively.?

With this client, it was a three-part process. We began by him being aware of emotions triggered by others, feeling the emotion and then letting it go rather than getting caught up in the emotions. When you can let the emotion go, you can refocus your attention on what is important.?

The second biggest component was bringing awareness to a negative belief and seeing where that belief was in the driver's seat in all the decisions he made. When we started working together, he was not even aware of this negative belief.?

Once he had the awareness, his mindfulness practice was to observe when it showed up, and instead of believing it and giving it power over him, he merely observed it and did not act upon it.?

This aspect of his mindfulness practice helped to remove himself from being his thinking to being aware of his thinking. Until he realized this belief, nothing was going to change.?

Prior to practicing mindfulness, this CEO routinely worked 60+ hours a week. He has cut that time in half-and is making more money.?

And the next time the daughter came home with a report card, the family went out for pizza to celebrate.?

Melinda Fouts, Ph.D., is an Executive Coach. She coaches a range of clients-those in transition, those needing a thought partner, and those needing more tools in their toolbox. Her experience as a practicing psychotherapist allows her to discover her clients’ blind spots, which helps them focus on improving their communication and management skills.?

Last year, Melinda received the Top International Executive Coach of the Year award from the International Association Of Top Professionals, (IAOTP). In 2021, she was also recognized as the Empowered Woman of the Year.

Melinda is in Carbondale, Colorado. You can reach her at 970-274-3130 or via email . You can get on her calendar here .