The High Council of LinkedIn

High Priest: "Welcome oracles, scribes, sages, prophets, and Jim from Sales. The High Council of LinkedIn is now in session. Given the events on Earth this week, many of you have been quite busy. Indeed, it falls upon us to guide the people of this planet through these tumultuous times."

Bob: "Indeed it does. And I have therefore been scouring the land of LinkedIn for any signs of humor or levity. I have done so with diligence and rigor. And, your grace, I have found the enemy in our midst."

High Priest: "And what action have you taken?"

Bob: "I told him that to speak of said events with anything other than gloom, hopelessness and the look of a defeated puppy was utterly tasteless."

High Priest: "Excellent. That will restore the cosmic balance and vanquish the fool to the seventh layer of the fire pits. Carrie, you may speak."

Carrie: "Your eminence, the thoughts and prayers campaign is proceeding as planned. Our battle flag, once embroidered with 'Carrie Smith, HR Maven, contact me to help YOUR organization increase employee engagement' has now been transformed to the Ukrainian yellow and blue."

High Priest: "This will surely help the war effort. Jennifer, you may speak."

Jennifer: "The shaming offensive is well underway, your eminence. Across the mountains and beneath the valley of 2nd connections, I spotted a woman who...<chokes up>..."

High Priest: "It is alright, you may continue...."

Jennifer: "...who spoke of a Parkinson's fundraiser she was hosting in a village called Boston. There was not a sole mention of Ukraine."

High Priest: "BLASPHEMY! To speak of one ill while all eyes are on another violates every sacrament this council stands for! She has committed the crime of Tone Deafness!"

Jennifer: "Yes, your grace. She has. But I assure you, she has been properly named and shamed for her offense. And we are also readying the tar and feathers. Thy will be done."

High Priest: "You have served this council well, and shall be rewarded with 1,000 schillings of engagement. Jerome, you may speak."

Jerome: "High Priest, I have seen that which has only been spoken of by the ancients."

High Priest: "Continue..."

Jerome: "A recruiter has spoken of an opening for an Accounting Manager in Denver."

High Priest: "Surely an accounting of their commitment to social justice?"

Jerome: "No, your eminence."

High Priest: "An accounting of how to help refugees in Poland?"

Jerome: "No, High Priest."

High Priest: "An accounting of their mortal sins of not disconnecting from sheeple who get their news from the MSM?"

Jerome: "Your eminence...is it simply an accounting of...accounting. Numbers. The General Ledger. Helping a medium-sized healthcare supplier balance their budget."

<council falls silent>

High Priest: "We have long feared this day would come. A return to the dark times. This will require a shaming more powerful than the might of 1,000 suns. May the ancestors favor us in the battle that is to come."

_____________________________

Geoff Woliner, CEO of Winning Wit, is a?speaker?&?author?who helps organizations?de-stress through comedy.

If your colleagues have been super-stressed over the past few years and need a few laughs at your next conference, holiday party, team-building pow-wow or trip to Mickey D's...

...go to a medium and channel the spirit of Rodney Dangerfield.

But if he's busy, let's chat.

[email protected]