The High Cost of Ignoring Red Flags: Lessons from Business and Relationships

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Several weeks ago, I had a discussion with a business owner.

In this discussion, he shared with me that his business is struggling and that he is trying to find new solutions, and he also complained about the behavior of his partner.

So, I asked him, ‘’What is the main thing that you do not like in your partner’s behavior?’’

He told me, ‘’Several years ago when we started the business together, we decided to split the responsibilities and I had a specific picture in my mind about how he should be doing his part. But until now, I see that the reality does not match my expectations.’’

I told him, ‘’And when exactly have you noticed this?’’

He told me, ‘’just a few weeks after we started the business together.’’

I told him, ‘’And what you are going to do now?’’

He told me, ‘’I will wait for some more weeks, and then I will speak with him about my remarks. Because our business will not succeed if we continue moving in this direction.’’

I told him, ‘’But I remember that when we met 6 months ago, you shared with me the same story, and you told me that you would go and speak with him. Didn’t you?’’

He told me, ‘’You are right. But I still didn’t talk to him.’’

I told him, ‘’But you are a business owner. You need to be faster in addressing problems before they even appear, or else your business will be impacted.’’

He told me, ‘’This is correct. But something is stopping me from speaking with him, even though I know it is the right thing to be done.’’

I answered him, ‘’I know this thing. Even though you spotted directly in the first few weeks of your partnership that something was wrong, your internal psychological barrier stopped you from having this discussion with him. A lot of times we avoid discussions that can seem emotional because we are worried about how these discussions will end and because we do not know what to say to reach what we want without damaging the relationship. This is normal and happens every day at home or work. And the best thing to do in these situations is to address them directly as soon as you spot them.’’

Now I want to stop this story and build on this dialogue because the rest of the story is irrelevant.

One of the biggest mistakes that humans make is ignoring the red flags.

Ignoring the red flags is one of the main reasons for regret, especially in relationships.

It is the reason why married couples spend years with each other even though they know that practically their relationship in its current form will most probably not work and will not provide stability and happiness.

It is also why a lot of leaders take so much time before speaking with one of their team members about a toxic behavior that they should change (especially if this team member is a top performer, which makes the discussion itself harder).

Think about incidents that happened in your life. Every time you say to yourself ‘’I knew this was going to happen’’ after something bad happens is an indication that you most probably ignored a red flag.

Because even though you knew that something was going to happen or that something was not right, you decided to ignore it and move on.

While consulting my clients, one of the things that I always encourage them to take care of and to keep monitoring are the red flags in any area of their lives.

And I mean by ''red flags'' the indications or the signs that appear to us along the way to indicate that there is something wrong or that something is about to be wrong.

As an example, you have a new idea for a business project, and since you need motivation and do not want to feel alone, you go and search for a business partner who can share the load with you and lift you when you are demotivated or stuck.

After much searching, you identify a potential partner. In your first appointment with him, he arrives late and without any logical reason. However, you take it as just a coincidence, and you continue the meeting and neglect the fact that he was late.

Several weeks later, you agree with your potential partner on some actions and deadlines.

You finished your deadlines on time to be surprised that he did not accomplish what you agreed upon together and without any strong reason except the words ‘’I am sorry’’.

Several days later, he finishes his actions, and you decide to neglect the fact that he did not respect the deadlines that you agreed upon together, and you continue.

Week after week and month after month, several situations like these happen again, but you neglect them because you do not want to drop this partnership and search for a new partner, and you are afraid to stop the flow, plus they are not major problems anyway.

One day, you conclude that both of you cannot continue to work together and that you don't like his style of work, and you decide to close the project with him, BUT after a significant loss of time and effort.

The same can happen in a private relationship with someone.

You love someone, but you see that he or she is lazy, careless, not concerned about you, does not have empathy towards you, or any other thing that you may name.

Those are all red flags.

And because we are emotional creatures by nature, you decide to ignore these red flags and say to yourself ‘’she will change later’’ or ‘’he was just busy’’...etc.

At a specific moment, maybe after weeks, months, or years, you reach a deadlock with this person, and you decide to break up, discovering that you did not win anything by ignoring these red flags except only losing time and energy.

Let me give you a final example from the corporate world.

You may hear that your company is losing money, and maybe they will need to lay off some employees. Or you may see that the company laid off some of your colleagues even though you know that they were performing well.

You keep ignoring these red flags, expecting that even if something bad happens you will not be affected until several months later, you get laid off.

Now, let me ask you, don’t you see a common pattern here?

Two of the examples I explained involved red flags relevant to relationships. And if you are like most people, you will ignore these flags because you do not want to ‘’hurt’’ these relationships because of the fear of starting over, the fear that the future may be worse than what you have already, or the fear of what other people may say later.

And I am here to tell you that even though these fears are justified, they will not help you in anything except making you lose time and energy. So, you may seem as if you are winning now, but I promise you in most cases you will lose a lot later.

So, what can you do as soon as you spot a red flag?

If this red flag is in a private relationship, then speak to this person about what you do not like and give yourself a defined short time afterward to test, and if nothing changes then you must take decisive action. Take care that I used the words ‘’defined short time’’ here because it is very easy to fall into the trap of spending years stuck in the ‘’testing’’ phase without acting.

The same thing in business partnerships, when you spot a red flag, share your expectations and what you do not like with your partner. If nothing changes, then please make the decision immediately to break the partnership and search for another one who can meet your expectations.

And If you are an employee, and you spotted the first signs of instability or heard rumors about something that maybe does not look like it will affect you, then start updating your Resume, open some discussions with headhunters, and keep an eye on potential opportunities in the job market.

You will not lose anything by being prepared (and please understand me correctly. I am not saying that you jump from the boat because your company is facing some challenges. I said ''in case this instability affected you'' and something bad happens, such as your employer laying you off).

Spotting a red flag and ignoring it is as if someone told you that he would come to your home on Friday at 07:00 p.m. to punch you as soon as you open the door and when Friday 07:00 p.m. came you still opened the door and got punched by him directly in the face only because you were not expecting him to be serious.

With some simple actions like looking from the door viewer or even asking who is at the door, you may have avoided the punch in your face.

So, I invite you now, from the bottom of my heart, to be honest with yourself, and to think about any red flag that you are ignoring currently, and to decide not to ignore it and to act accordingly.

Do it, and even if you lose now, you will win later.

I work with leaders and teams as a consultant and advisor...

1- To help leaders, gain clarity regarding their next steps, transform their organizations, and amplify their influence, without working extended hours.

2- Boost the performance, motivation, and engagement levels of teams (such as sales teams, marketing teams, engineering teams... etc.).

3- Improve cross-functional collaboration and redesign the workplace culture (especially in cases of restructures, and mergers and acquisitions).

If you need advice regarding any of these topics, send me a message or a direct email: [email protected]