The High Cost of Having Low Standards

Can we talk about having high standards?

It's no secret that I am a lot. If you've been on a committee with me, worked on projects, lived with me, or even dated me, it's clear from moment one that my standards are higher than my Steve Madden studded heels .

On a positive, if nothing else good has come from TikTok it has been so many people hearing the words of Elyse Myers when she said, "If I'm a lot, go find less." It takes a lot of courage to say that.

From a young age it was clear to people around me that I'm a bit different than most people. My brain is full of big ideas. The solutions I have to problems are not typical. I'm a wonderful storyteller, however in face-to-face conversations I've yet to find a way to truly get others to understand what I'm actually saying instead of what they are choosing to hear. Bluntly - Bias is a tricky bitch. Having high standards and doing things differently than most people leads to a lot of misunderstandings, isolation, and loneliness. It's just easier to be alone sometimes than it is to be constantly trying to defend your thoughts, intent, and ideas to people who won't even try to, and therefore or sometimes just can't understand. When people go right, I usually go left, and when most people are looking for the shortest route from here to there, I'm going 300 miles out of the way to stop for ice cream at some place I saw on Instagram that has "teddy bear shaped cones" just for funsies. I've spent my life pretty isolated, for the most part, with no parental guidance and absolutely no rules to follow. Jesse Itzler says, "If no one taught you how to do your job, how would you do it?" Well - I've just been living life like it's my job over here. No clue what I'm doing, but making it happen regardless. I see what I want to achieve, I figure out how to make it happen. Easy as that. (If only it were actually that easy, right? lol)

Lately though, I've been frustrated by judgement and it's causing insecurities I never used to have. You see, after spending life through my twenties - and hell, even half my thirties - floundering about and not sticking to plans thus never fully achieving the goals I set for myself, it became obvious that I needed to get very clear on what I want from life and not allow anything that doesn't align with my purpose, passion, and trajectory.

Prior to this immediate season of life, my mindset has been - "I see _____ doing it, therefore it can be done. So, if he/she/they can do it, so can I!" However, the past few weeks have really been getting me down. There has been a feeling of defeat and frustration. Working on my goals - personally, professionally, relationship-ally - and having people tell me that what I want is too much has been incredibly deflating. The number of times I've heard "You need to lower your standards." the past two weeks has been unnerving.

Then today I came across an article on dating of all things, but as I read it I couldn't help but think that it has some universal application to almost all areas of life. It speaks about dating with high standards and low expectations. The words rang true for me as it pertains to finding a potential mate, but also friendships, business partnerships and goals, familial ties, and more.

"When you allow or accept less than what you deserve, you are betraying yourself and your values. The quickest way to lose self-confidence is to your break promises and values for someone else. Lacking self-confidence then leads to having insecurities. Remember who you are, what you value and what value you bring into any relationship and then don’t entertain anything or anyone who isn’t in alignment with that.

The right people will show up if you have space that isn’t being occupied by the wrong people."

Ah. There it is. Encouragement that I'm on the right path even though it doesn't feel like it, and yet another reminder that if "I'm too much, go find less." Additionally, and alternatively, a call to action that it's up to me to "Go find more." The right things and people can't show up in my life if the space is being occupied by the wrong things and people. And my mind can't be filled with positivity if I'm consistently dwelling in places where negativity lives.

Most won't understand my drive, ambition, methods of pursuing my goals, my unique perspective and the way I see things, my why, my how, or appreciate the way I show up in relationships or communicate, but the RIGHT people will.

So maybe let my recent life experience be a reminder to you. Live your life with high standards and be unapologetic about it. Be unendingly kind and gracious, and lift as you climb, but set your sights high and never be afraid to walk alone. The cost of someone criticizing you about having big dreams and high standards is nothing. However, the cost of you lowering your standards to meet their expectations of what's possible is everything. Just stay the course and keep going. You're sure to find what you're looking for on the road you take to get there.