Hiding Your Precious Defining Moment

For four decades, I’ve talked a lot about the obvious fact that a critical element of their leadership is motivation, not their motivation, since if they are not motivated, they shouldn’t be leaders. The critical element is the people’s motivation. If the people are not as motivated as they, the leaders, are, the leaders are failing.

Of course, the people’s motivation doesn’t happen automatically. One aspect of leaders’ missions is to have the people become motivated. Note, I used the rather passive word “have.” That’s because getting the people motivated is not a dynamic you can thrust on others. Their motivation is not your choice. Their motivation is their choice. Which begs the question: how do you as a leader have people choose what they might not be willing to choose. After all, leadership is not getting people to do what they want. If they did what they wanted, you would not be needed as a leader. Leadership is often getting people to do what they don’t want to do and be committed to doing it.

This credo of motivation – it’s their choice, not yours – befuddles many leaders. That’s because the befuddled are uncomfortable with others making such choices. They see their leadership as their making choices. If they are into order leadership, that may hold. But ordering people to go from A to B might achieve normal results, but if leaders want to achieve exceptional results consistently, they must set up an environment in which people want to go from A to Be. That “want to” is the drive shaft of exceptional results. And “want to” comes from people’s free choice.

One aspect of setting up that environment is what I call the Motivational Transfer. This is a process in which you transfer your motivation to people, so they become as motivated as you are about meeting the challenge you face.

There are three ways to make the transfer happen, two of which are provide information and make sense, but the third is by far the most effective. It’s the Defining Moment. ????

The Defining Moment is one of the most powerful communication tools. It enables the Motivational Transfer to take place by bringing the speakers experience into the audience’s lived experience.

But its very almost superpower can also be its downfall. If people think you are using a Defining Moment to manipulate them, they will be turned off; and your ability to win them to your side will be harmed in the worse way.

You can use many DMs in your activities. Here is one way to make sure it’s not taken the wrong way: hide it so people think it is a natural outcome of your communications.

Communicate the Defining Moment of others. Many DMs come from personal experience. That of course is necessary. Your personal experience holds powerful raw materials for your DMs. But there is another field of experience that can be equally productive. Pivoting your communication from you to others makes the likelihood of people thinking you may be manipulating them mostly eliminated.

Here’s how to make that happen.

Fill your quiver. Look out for DMs outside yourself just as Lincoln found anecdotes and stories In the world outside himself. They are there. The world is full of DMs, in politics, science, sports, business, etc. Use them to animate your communications and the accusations of manipulation will be for the most part eliminated. ??

For instance, a client of mine talked about playing high school football in Texas. His team never won a game but a player on that team, skinny, awkward, was nonetheless the fiercest competitor he ever encountered. Even when the team was losing badly, and the boy on his back a lot from vicious blocks, he’d be exhorting his teammates, “Let’s go! Let’s go! Let’s Go!”

“Let’s go!” became a kind of rallying cry when difficulties whenever the organization. In that cry was a world of understanding: passion and perseverance that helped overcome the difficulties.

There is a defining moment, hidden, fresh, inspiring – and hidden. ??

Copyright ? The Filson Leadership Group, Inc.

The author of some 40 published books, Brent Filson’s latest two leadership books are: “The Leadership Talk: 7 Days to Motivating People to Achieve Exceptional Results” and “107 Ways to Achieve Great Leadership Talks.” A former Marine infantry platoon and company commander, he is the founder of The Filson Leadership Group, Inc., which for 40 years has helped thousands of leaders of all ranks and functions in top companies worldwide achieve sustained increases in hard, measured results. He has published some 150 articles on leadership and been a guest on scores of radio/tv shows. His mission is to have leaders replace their traditional presentations with his specially developed, motivating process, The Leadership Talk. www.brentfilson.com and theleadershiptalk.com.

Besides having lectured about the Leadership Talk at MIT Sloan School of Management, Columbia University, Wake Forest, Villanova, Williams, Middlebury, Filson brought the Leadership Talk to leaders in these organizations: Abbott, Ameritech, Anheuser-Busch, Armstrong World Industries, AT&T, BASF, Bell Atlantic, BellSouth, Bose, Bristol-Meyers Squibb, Campbell Sales, Canadian Government, CNA, DuPont, Eaton Corporation, Exelon, First Energy, Ford, General Electric, General Motors, GTE, Hartford Steam Boiler, Hershey Foods, Honeywell, Houghton Mifflin, IBM, Meals-on-Wheels, Merck, Miller Brewing Company, NASA, PaineWebber, Polaroid, Price Waterhouse, Roadway Express, Sears Roebuck, Spalding International, Southern Company, The United Nations, Unilever, UPS, Union Carbide, United Dominion Industries, U.S. Steel, Vermont State Police, Warner Lambert — and more