Hide Your Pin Code

I'm standing in a queue at an ATM waiting for my turn. Behind me is a lady and another guy. One ATM becomes available, I turn around and say to the lady, "please go ahead. There will be nothing left in this thing when I'm done here." She laughs and I observe her behavior as she approaches the ATM. She puts her card in the machine, covers the key pad with one hand and enters her pin. She concludes her transaction, says thank you and leaves. The guy behind me says, "after you". I turn to him and with a serious face, I say, "no man, please go first. I'm sure you didn't come all this way for nothing. If I go first, there will be non left for you." He laughs, approaches the ATM, looks back at me with a suspicious eye, covers the key pad and completes his transaction. When he is done, he says thanks and walks away slowly waiting to see how many bags of cash I will withdraw. I approach the ATM, hide my pin code, withdraw R200 and walk away. As I pass him, I look at him and say, "see, there was only R200 left. Now I need to go find another ATM."

Just for today, imagine that the ATM is YOU, the cash is your negative EMOTIONS and the pin code is the only way that anyone can gain ACCESS to these emotions. Also try to imagine that the people on the queue are the people that you come into contact with on a daily basis and more specifically, in the work environment.

One thing I have found quite entertaining to watch in the last 13 years is how openly people allow their emotions to get the better of them in the work environment and throw away promising careers. Often when I speak to frustrated young professionals, they ask the question, "but why can't people just be professional"? And my answer is "well, why don't you just stop giving people access to your negative emotions"? "Don't you own the pin code?" "Aren't you the ATM that determines how much they can withdraw? I then finally get to answering the question, so how do I "hide my pin code then?". My answer usually includes these four things:

1.) Vary your reactions: Often when someone has a way of winding you up consistently, it's because they have a very good idea how you will react. In other words, they have your pin code. I remember looking at a boss of mine many years ago as he threw a tantrum over a piece of work that hadn't been delivered. I turned to a colleague of mine and said "this guy is so predictable." "Yes but at least he is consistent" my colleague responded. "Yes for sure." I said. "He is consistently out of control." "What do you mean?" My colleague asked. I thought about this for a minute and responded "a predictable leader is a weak leader." When the expectation is for you to throw a tantrum, occasionally do the opposite, smile and carry on with your day.

2.) Don't say the first thing that comes to mind: Generally when someone approaches you (the ATM) with aggression (looking to make a withdrawal), the first thing that comes to your mind is the last thing you should be saying. Breathe in, ask a few unnecessary questions and dig deep while you buy some time to think about your answer. I often ask questions like, "so how was your weekend" right in the middle of a rant or compliment something that the person is wearing. I call that "disarming the enemy" or "changing the pin code". In some cases, the person gets even more upset but in those circumstances, take comfort from the fact that you now have their pin code and not the other way around.

3.) Avoid email rants: Emails have a way of exaggerating the importance of a subject matter and can easily lead to unnecessary misunderstandings. If you respond with instant defense, you are starting a chain that will last for days, especially if the whole world is cc'd as usual. You are also allowing withdrawals of "cash" over that period of time. In the face of an aggressive email, pick up the phone and call the person or walk to their desk and talk about the issue. Again, your first sentence should not be a charged one.

4.) Never raise your voice: The first sign that someone has given away their pin code and their cash (negative emotions) is about to get withdrawn is a raised voice. No matter how upset something makes you, control your tone as I have learnt that the most effective and painful comebacks to aggressive situations are calm and in complete control reactions.

When at the ATM, we hide our pin codes to protect something that we can easily deplete and replenish.. Money! Why then do we so freely give away the pin code for something that negatively affects our previous quality of life?

The next time someone joins your queue and punches in a pin code make sure it's the wrong one and if they must withdraw cash, limit their withdrawal to the R200 that I took and send them off to look for another ATM!!