The Hidden Ways We Avoid Our Emotions (And How to Break Free)

Dear Friend,

Have you ever noticed how much of what we do is actually about emotions?

We chase goals, build relationships, and make decisions—not just for the sake of it, but because of how we think it will make us feel. As Srikumar Rao puts it, "You are not chasing your goal, but how you think you will feel achieving that goal."

And yet, for all our focus on emotions, we often spend just as much time avoiding them.

Yesterday, in my WhatsApp community, I asked: "What’s a common way you distract yourself from your emotions?"

It got me thinking about how often we unconsciously numb, suppress, or deflect what we feel. Even joy—one of the most beautiful emotions—can feel vulnerable enough that we push it away.

This reminded me of something Brene Brown once said in her TED Talk: we can’t selectively numb emotions. When we avoid pain, discomfort, or fear, we also dull our capacity for joy, love, and connection.

It’s fascinating how much we run from our own feelings. Sometimes, we’re not even aware of the countless ways we do it. We are so good at keeping ourselves busy, distracting ourselves, and creating a false sense of control, that we forget to just feel.

A few years ago, I came across a concept in Gay Hendricks’ book The Big Leap, where he talks about something he calls the “Upper Limit Problem.” It’s this idea that we all have a threshold for how much joy, love, and abundance we can tolerate, and when we go beyond it, we often self-sabotage. It’s as if we are too afraid to let ourselves experience the fullness of happiness or success, so we subconsciously create barriers.

And it's not just joy we're afraid of feeling. Emotions like jealousy, shame, and guilt are often hidden away in the darkest corners of our hearts. We don’t want to revisit the memories or emotions attached to them, let alone share them with others. But here’s the thing: the moment we give ourselves permission to feel them, they lose their power over us. That’s when the magic happens.

I’ve had the privilege of working with clients who were brave enough to open up these emotional spaces. It's always awe-inspiring to witness them embrace their vulnerability and step into their authenticity. It’s like a flower finally blooming after being in the shadows for so long.

But I also realize that it’s not easy. Often, it takes a safe, loving space to even begin the process of unpacking these emotions. This is why creating an environment where someone feels free to open up is so crucial in healing.

So today, I want to point out some of the common ways we avoid feeling our emotions. We all do it at times, myself included, and the first step to breaking the cycle is awareness. When you catch yourself doing these things, you’ll have a choice—to stay in the avoidance or step closer to the feeling.

Here are a few common ways we distract ourselves from our emotions:

• Overworking / Staying Busy – Keeping yourself constantly occupied to avoid sitting with uncomfortable emotions.
• Numbing with Entertainment – Binge-watching shows, endlessly scrolling social media, or gaming to distract from feelings.
• Emotional Eating / Drinking – Using food, alcohol, or substances to suppress emotions.
• Overanalyzing – Intellectualizing emotions instead of actually feeling them.
• People-Pleasing – Focusing on others' needs to avoid facing your own emotions.
• Spiritual Bypassing – Using spiritual concepts to bypass difficult emotions rather than working through them.
• Sarcasm & Humor – Laughing off pain instead of acknowledging it.
• Perfectionism – Trying to control everything to avoid feeling inadequate or vulnerable.
• Procrastination – Avoiding tasks that might stir up uncomfortable emotions.
• Dismissing with Positivity – Saying “It’s fine” or “It could be worse” instead of allowing real emotions to surface.

This isn’t an exhaustive list, but it’s a starting point. The next time you catch yourself using one of these distractions, pause. Instead of turning away, try turning toward your emotions. Ask yourself: What am I really feeling right now? The awareness itself is often the first breakthrough.

Feelings aren’t something to avoid; they are the doorway to deeper clarity, healing, and growth.

If you need someone to walk with you through this process, I’m here for that journey. Sometimes, just having a safe space to talk through what we feel can make all the difference.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. What are some of the ways you’ve found helpful in working through difficult emotions?

With warmth, Arjun PS: I help my clients navigate the discomforts that stand between them and their next big leap. If that resonates with you, let’s talk - schedule a free intro call.

I’d also love to invite you to my private WhatsApp community, for people interested in inner work and self-discovery, join the community.