The Hidden Struggles of Masking Anxiety in Social Settings

Many people with anxiety or neurodivergence, including those with autism or OCD, often engage in something called "masking." Masking involves hiding certain behaviors, emotions, or symptoms to fit into social settings more comfortably or to avoid unwanted attention. While masking might make interactions smoother on the surface, it can be exhausting, stressful, and even harmful in the long run. For me, masking has been a constant part of my life, especially in public or unfamiliar settings. Sometimes I do it without thinking about it.

Masking Anxiety in Social Situations

In social settings—whether it’s at work, a networking event, or even a casual gathering—I tend to mask my anxiety to appear calm and in control. However, this is far from the truth. Beneath the surface, my mind races with intrusive thoughts and worries, particularly about how others perceive me. Anxious and intrusive thoughts and the motivation to do my compulsions. I feel the need to do these repetitive actions to ease the anxious thoughts.

For example, when I’m in a group, I often prepare conversation topics in advance, almost rehearsing them so I don’t stumble or say the wrong thing. I also repeat myself frequently, and I sometimes wonder if it’s related to my OCD. Despite this preparation, I constantly feel like I’m being judged, not just for what I say, but for my physical disability as well. These thoughts can be intrusive and overwhelming, making the whole social experience feel more like a performance than a genuine connection.

The Impact of Masking

While masking helps me manage these interactions on the surface, it takes a significant toll on my mental health. I’ve noticed that when I’m with family or close friends, where I feel safer, I’m less likely to mask. This environment allows my anxiety and OCD compulsions to show more. In contrast, I suppress these thoughts when I’m in public, but it comes at the cost of feeling drained and overwhelmed by the end of the day.

One of the most difficult parts about masking is the uncertainty it brings. Am I masking well enough? Do they notice my anxiety? What happens if I slip up? These questions create a constant internal dialogue that only increases my stress. In professional settings, such as networking events, I’ve found that masking becomes almost impossible when I’m fatigued. I often wait for others to initiate conversations, and when they do, I stutter or freeze because I’m overanalysing every word, fearful of being misunderstood or judged.

The Challenges of Being “On” All the Time

Another challenge is the sheer mental exhaustion that comes from being "on" all the time. After attending a social event, it’s not uncommon for me to feel completely drained, needing days to recover both mentally and physically. The pressure to fit in, to hide my anxiety, and to prevent my OCD compulsions from surfacing can make even small social gatherings feel monumental.

Over time, I’ve realized that masking isn’t sustainable for me, especially when combined with the need to manage intrusive thoughts related to my OCD. The longer I mask, the harder it becomes to keep up with, and I find myself avoiding social situations altogether to protect my mental health.

Final Thoughts

Masking anxiety in social situations may help us get through the day, but it often leads to longer-term challenges, including burnout, isolation, and worsening mental health symptoms. For those of us who live with anxiety, OCD, or neurodivergence, it’s important to recognize the toll masking takes and to seek environments where we can be ourselves without the pressure to hide our true selves.

If you’ve experienced similar challenges, know that you’re not alone. Understanding your own boundaries and finding supportive spaces can help lessen the need to mask, allowing you to navigate social situations more authentically and with less stress.