The hidden power of empathy.

Everyone can be more empathetic

Empathy, which should not be confused with sympathy, is the ability to understand the emotions, situations, thoughts, or attitudes of another person. Empathy and sympathy are often grouped together, but I believe they are very different. As you will see in this blog post, I believe empathy is a skill that can bring people together. I think sympathy creates an uneven power dynamic and can lead to people feeling more disconnected and isolated.

This country needs more empathy. I say that with a grain of salt obviously but I can tell you from experience, life is so much more enriching if you just take the time to try and understand people and where they are coming from. This concept has been lost on many. We (myself included) are all too quick to judge and unwilling to take the time to understand others. Our viewpoints, regardless of what those are, are shaped by our life experiences, what we have been exposed to, and who we have learned from. That doesn’t mean that someone with a different viewpoint than you is a bad person, it just means that their life experience has been different.

No one is born an Antifa supporter or a QAnon believer, I can promise you that.

Many peoples social circles have become very homogeneous. More and more, we live in bubbles. Most of us are surrounded by people who look like us, vote like us, earn like us, spend money like us, have educations like us, and worship like us. The result is an empathy deficit, and it’s at the root of many of our biggest problems.

For many, their automatic response when thinking of being empathetic is that it is a sign of weakness. This is not only wrong, but I would argue that showing empathy is a sign of inner strength and maturity. Remember, showing empathy is trying to understand where someone is coming from, not pitying them.

Unfortunately, 99% of any topic is painted by our political leanings. I am more right leaning in my ideologies personally, but that does not prevent me from trying to broaden my perspective and at least research the viewpoints I don’t agree with.

My tips for being empathetic are not life altering, but are a much needed reminder for most everyone.

1. Admit your biased- We all know we have biases. You are not human if you don’t. It is completely fine to have biases, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. But if you can admit your biases and understand how that shapes your worldview, you are going to be way more apt to put yourself in the mindset to try and understand others. This absolutely doesn’t mean you have to agree with their viewpoint, but it is surprisingly refreshing to have a civil conversation with someone who shares different views.
2. Play devils advocate with yourself- Once you admit your biases, play devils advocate with yourself. This is not an exercise to try and convince yourself to change your viewpoints, but it is a great way to gain a better understanding of where others are coming from. If anything, understanding other viewpoints will only make your thoughts and opinions more solidified.
3. Stand up for others- I don’t care what anyone says, as a good human, we all know the difference between things that are fundamentally right and wrong. Too often people stay quiet when they see someone suffering. There is nothing wrong with putting yourself out there for someone even if they don’t hold the same viewpoint. It’s the right thing to do. I guarantee even the most polar opposite people can learn to extend the olive branch if the other person is willing to stick their neck out for them.
4. Learn to be quiet- It is so hard for people to just listen anymore. People get into this toxic loop where they are in a conversation only to share their side of the story or one up someone. We all know that person who does not recall a word you just said. They are just waiting for you to quit talking so they can make their point or tell their story. I am not saying that it isn’t hard to listen to someone when what they are telling you goes against everything you believe in. What I am saying is if you can just bite your tongue and show that you are truly and genuinely listening, you would be surprised how they will respond.
5. Find out what hill you are willing to die on- Ask yourself, is this the hill I am willing to die on? This phrase is used in the case where someone is so dug-in and committed to being right about something that they are unwilling to concede or even compromise their opinion. For me, asking myself this question has given me energy to focus on what matters most in my personal life and career. There are not many hills I am willing to die on. In my personal life, most of these hills are sticking up for my wife and boys. In my professional life, these hills are sticking up for the students I serve. I have never regretted one battle I have fought for either of them.

If you sit down and think about what is truly important, most positions you hold and viewpoints you have are not life or death. We often treat them as such, which in my opinion is why many people have such a hard time being empathetic. When you make the conscious effort to view the world from the perspectives of other people, it lets you perceive things to a fuller extent. You will end up seeing unexpected and previously unknown parts of the world around you. In general, you will live a more fulfilled life.