The Hidden Gift in Your Resistance
When was the last time you found yourself in resistance to an experience? Perhaps there was an unexpected delay on a project with a tight deadline. Or maybe a colleague disagreed with your brilliant idea. Perhaps your biggest competitor just beat you to the market with the next big thing. Or...your direct reports are disregarding important agreements. Or... perhaps you find yourself heading into a turbulent situation for which there are no ready answers.
At some point when feeling resistance, your body tightens, your breathing gets shallow, and the stress hormones are released. And then something in you says...
"This shouldn't be happening."?
Say hello to resistance, an initially invisible and internal process that usually follows a uniquely personal and predictable pattern. You may find yourself either shutting down or wanting to get aggressive; both natural responses that are hard wired into us from our Paleolithic relatives to keep us safe. And while this is an essential mechanism that can keep us alive when our physical safety is threatened, it is not going to be helpful when we find ourselves in those challenging situations where we need all of our resources available.
This prehistoric safety mechanism makes a couple of key limiting assumptions about any situation it deems threatening. It assumes...?
1) I know what this is?(and "this" is dangerous according to my database of past experiences.)?
2) I know exactly what this means?(and it isn't good.)?
The fear that underlies our resistance is that if I don't control this situation, I will ultimately have to experience a sense of vulnerability that my unconscious suggests could be worse than death. Yup, worse than death. With that at stake, who wouldn't resist!
When we resist what is happening, we automatically cast the challenging situation or person into the role of enemy, or as "the" thing in the way of our conscious or unconscious goal. And in our illogical lizard brain, that translates into an unconscious belief that?I must fight or abandon this situation...or else!?And yet...
What if that isn't really true??
What if we could pause the internal neurological process long enough to access our higher order thinking and ask ourselves... What if that isn't really true? What if the assumptions I am making are limiting my ability to see the whole picture?
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Like anti-virus software, the safety mechanism in our nervous system was designed to sort for potential danger. Period. It is not capable of noticing anything other than the potential for threat. So if our internal anti-virus software is designed to sort for threat, what alternative apps might help us to open up the scope of our perception so we can take in more of the whole picture? How can we begin to look with new eyes so we can bring more of our resources to bear?
So now think back again to your most recent experience of resistance. And see what happens if you ask yourself...
What if this situation is my Ally??
This question can offer a complete reframe of the assumptions most of us make when we are in resistance. Let's play with it for a moment.
I encourage you to try the experiment now. Think again of your recent experience of resistance. And then tell us in the comments below, what happens when you ask yourself:
What if this situation is my / our Ally??
Peggy McAllister?is?Founder and Chief Mischief Maker for?Essential Leadership LLC,?and supports leaders and organizations engaged in creating products, services and?experiences that catalyze their highest visions for what is possible. Stay tuned for information on upcoming Return to Wholeness Retreats!
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