The Hidden Game-Changing Conversation that Can Change the Workplace for the Better

After 20 years in Human Resources and five years in healthcare, I believe I know the biggest challenge and biggest opportunity in the workplace.

It’s not stress. It’s not succession planning. It’s not competency models or effective feedback loops. It’s not gender dynamics. It’s not pay inequity. It’s not a need for more training or more teambuilding.

It is something nobody mentions or would dare to mention in the workplace. We wear it silently under a cloak of everyday effectiveness. Yet, it preys upon productivity, team relationships, team effectiveness, business outcomes and ROI like undetected cancer.

It’s the thing we are most ashamed to admit we possess, but ironically that we all possess.

Solve the riddle yet?

It’s insecurities.

Working on soft skills, teambuilding, or competencies when the root of most problems, challenges and barriers at work are insecurities is like getting an oil change when you have a nail in your tire. It doesn’t solve any systemic problems. And worse, your tire might blow.

You can see it in others. It’s seen in the leader who is “command and control” style and lacks emotion and ability to connect. It’s seen in the person who is always gossiping about everyone else, but who is friendly to them on the surface. It’s seen in the person who lights up the room with their energy and always has the smartest points to make in every meeting. It’s seen in the person who always seems to have it all together; they just seem so perfect. It’s seen in the person who points out every mistake their co-workers make. It’s seen in the person who doesn’t trust others and believes people have ulterior motives. It’s seen in the person who ignores constructive feedback. It’s also seen in the person who takes feedback way too personal. It's seen in the person who won't ask for a raise even though it's well-deserved. It’s seen in the toughest executive who wears the fanciest suits and best name brands. It’s seen in the person vying for the promotion every year, as well as in the person who just does enough to get by.

Essentially, it’s seen underneath the hood of each single person’s desk, but we keep the lock code to ourselves. ?

It begs the question: Why aren’t more coaching models and assessments geared towards helping people better understand themselves and how their own personal insecurities and self-limiting beliefs are inhibiting them in their career? Like preventative medicine, understanding ailments and imbalances are key to living a healthy and happy life. Our mental health is no different, yet it is one that carries more shame around it. If we made the topic of insecurities, for example, less safe and more commonplace – we as a workforce, as a team, as a human kind would be healing and growing together. We would be more connected and empathetic to one another as we navigate life and our careers. We would be happier and healthier at work and at home. ?

Because we don’t typically feel safe to be vulnerable at work, the topic of what makes us feel insecure really never comes up.

Recently, I had a situation that triggered me at work. I was smart enough to seek out a trusted advisor to talk through what was bothering me, and he listened before pivoting to a powerful topic. He asked what lies I am telling myself and what fears are lurking under the surface for me at that moment? He asked me how those things might show up at work.

He didn’t make me literally answer, but he took out a piece of paper and showed me his own story. He shared who he “really was” and how it was shaded by his particular “lies” and insecurities that he has worked through. He showed me how the world had been offered an altered version of his true self because of those lies/beliefs he was hanging onto. WOW.

While I wasn’t prepared for a psychology visit, I welcomed the conversation with open arms and embraced the wisdom that started flowing through our conversation.

The trigger that bothered me one hour prior suddenly was a feather in the wind. What was more important to me was better understanding the way I perceive the world and how my thoughts and beliefs are sometimes not serving me well.

If you feel insecurities are holding you back in your life or career, congratulations. You’re like so many of us! If you want to learn more about yourself, check out the CDC-Kaiser ACE quiz or the app called Better Me, which offers a Trauma Score and Healing Plan for struggles so many of us deal with – both don’t talk about. I am also here as a resource and inspiration as you journey into your truest and best self.

Happy Holidays!

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