The Hidden Costs of Age Bias

When it comes to experiencing bias, one of the hardest components of it can arise when people minimize or deny your experience with it. When people won't listen or take it seriously. It's for that reason that I've held off on writing this article for so long, even though I've had it in my head for years: because experience tells me most people will ignore, minimize, or deny what I have to say about this topic. But my hope is that a few people out there will feel less alone when they read it - and for me, that's worth it enough to put it out there. If it also results in more behavioral allyship around the topic, all the better - but really the only ask I have for anyone reading is to keep an open mind and check for your own biases as you go. Because we're going to talk about a loaded topic: age.

Specifically, the focus on age is around what it's like to be a professional who looks significantly younger than they are. Spoiler alert: we're talking about me. Which means this is very personal - but, also, I've spoken with enough people who are like me to know that this is not just my experience. When you look younger than you are, people unconsciously judge you as having less qualifications or experience than you actually do - and that unconscious bias impacts the decisions people make about you... How you're treated in meetings, how people respond when you talk, whether you get a job or even make it to the next round of interviews - all of these are impacted by the perceived experience you have, and let's do the math: all of this impacts what you get paid. ...Which has a compounding and lasting impact. If someone has been making less than their equally qualified peers for their whole career, that means their raises are smaller, their promotions are less frequent, and any jump they make is still behind others of the same experience who look more like their age and experience level.

When I tell people that it's been tough on my career to look young, people usually laugh and tell me I'm lucky. They love to say: "You'll appreciate it later." And I guess my question is - when does later come? Because you see, at the time of writing this article - I'm 39 years old, and it's been impacting my earning potential and my impact since I entered the workforce. I remember in college, a friend who had less experience than me told me they were hiring at the restaurant where she worked and that I should apply - but when I came in, the hiring manager looked at me, told me they only had roles for experienced servers, and walked away. It was less than a two minute interaction and was so rude I didn't even want to try to prove the manager wrong. I've experienced variations of that story over the past 20 years, and I still do. Even if I do somehow finally enter that magical zone of life where looking younger than I am will help me - does it really justify having had to over-prove my experience, be continually dismissed and underpaid the past 20 years? I don't see how that adds up.

What I do see is that: as a society, we are terrified of aging - and I think that, really, is what stops people from being empathetic to the situation of people who complain about looking young. When I try to raise my issue, people unconsciously project their own issues back on to me. And I get it, that's a very human thing to do - and I am sure I've done it to others about other issues before. But if we're going to live in a society that claims to value DEI and wants to change - we have got to keep expanding the ways we hold ourselves accountable. Race and gender have been the hot topics for good reason, but unconscious biases and microaggressions are also running rampant in many other under-discussed arenas, too: for people with disabilities, for those with less socioeconomic status, for the many complex dynamics of age, and much much more.

And by the way, it doesn't make it any better when the unconscious bias or microaggressions come across as compliments. I had a conversation the other day with a friend who has Cerebral Palsy. This person is an incredible leader with a lot of talent, but the word people most frequently use to describe them is "inspirational." I, too, am an incredible leader with a lot of talent, but the word people use most frequently to describe me is "a natural." (Let me be clear, I have practiced and honed my craft for the past 20+ years.) People are trying to compliment us, yes, but unfortunately they are minimizing us. People with our same level of talent and experience are normally called "experts", "leaders", "transformational." Words matter - how we use words to reinforce or disrupt stereotypes when describing others MATTERS. Being described as "inspirational", "passionate", or "a natural" doesn't get you promoted, listened to, respected, taken seriously, or paid appropriately. What does happen, though, is the people who you're describing can feel gaslit. I don't like using that word, but I don't have a better one to use. When people positively reinforce you verbally, but don't treat you with workplace forms of respect, or when you tell people something is negatively impacting your career, and people respond by offering you a platitude - you start to question your own reality and your own experiences.

I do not have imposter syndrome; it's the world and the people in positions of power who are confused. I am VERY clear that I am capable of more than most of the opportunities that I am given. But I do find that the longer I stay in environments where I am dismissed and disrespected by smiling people, the less energy I have to speak up, the less drive I have to keep re-educating others about who I am, what I have done, and what I'm capable of. It's exhausting. And by the way - if it's exhausting to me as an able-bodied, middle class, cis gender, white woman - I can only imagine how exhausting it is for people who look much younger than they are and have less societal power and privilege. If this applies to anyone reading, and if you feel comfortable sharing, I'd welcome discussion in the comments about how this bias intersects with other biases you experience.

Finally, I'd be remiss if I didn't address the fact that absolutely people who are older - and, likely, the folks who look older than they are - experience bias in the workplace regularly and I am here to fight against that, too. No one should experience workplace discrimination because of their age, or their perceived age. Our words, our actions, our work should be what represent us. If we all worked on our unconscious biases, we could live in a world where it's not a disadvantage to be any age in the workplace - and think about how much more we could accomplish if that were the case.

I'd love to look my age; I've wanted that my whole life. When you see my LinkedIn profile, know that I am proud of what I’ve accomplished and where I’ve gotten myself. But it has come at a cost... When I turn 40 later this year (which incidentally is the age in the US when you enter the age-related protected class), I will still be earning less than others with my level of talent, experience, and drive. This is why - even though we're all collectively tired after this pandemic - we have to keep shining a light on inequities and biases. Because beyond my own personal implications, the cost is even greater to our workplaces and our world. So many people aren't making the impact they're capable of, because they're busy fighting to be seen for who they are. What could be possible if people were able to direct more of their personal energy towards the work they want to be doing, that they are the BEST at doing? I hope we'll one day get to find out. And in the meantime, let's believe people when they tell us their struggles - let's ask them how we can help.