The Hidden Cost of Being a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'

We're often taught to see the world through a simple lens: you're either a giver—selfless, generous, and always available—or a taker—driven, ambitious, and focused on getting ahead.

But here's the trap:

• If you define yourself as a giver, you may struggle with exhaustion, burnout, and a quiet resentment of always being the one who shows up.
• If you define yourself as a taker, you may feel driven to accumulate more—money, status, resources—only to find it never satisfies.

What if the real key to abundance isn't about choosing a side but creating a flow between the two?

This week, let's explore what happens when we stop seeing generosity and receiving as opposites—and instead, recognize them as part of the same cycle.

Before we begin, please take three minutes to do a calming box-breathing exercise. This will ground you and open space for reflection.

Conversation With Andrew

What if giving and receiving weren't choices but circulating currents of the same cycle?

So many of us have internalized the belief that generosity means sacrificing, ambition means hoarding, and that we must choose between the two. But true abundance isn't about giving?or?taking—it's about allowing both to flow naturally.

Here are three ways to cultivate this balance:

1. The "Over-Giving" Trap

Many of us pride ourselves on generosity—offering our time, energy, and resources freely. But unchecked giving often leads to depletion. When we give without receiving, we unconsciously send the message that we don't need anything in return—causing others to assume we're fine, even when we're running on empty.

The shift? Give with intention, not obligation. Instead of saying “yes” to everything, ask, Am I giving from fullness or guilt?

2. Receiving Without Resistance

You're not alone if you've ever felt uncomfortable accepting help, gifts, or money. Many of us have been conditioned to believe that receiving is selfish. But what if receiving is an act of generosity in itself?

Think about it: When someone offers you something, you interrupt the flow and deflect it—"Oh, you didn't have to!" But when you accept with gratitude, you allow the giver to experience the joy of contributing.

This week, practice saying,?"Thank you, I received that, "whether it's a compliment, an opportunity, or an unexpected gift.

3. The Circulation Effect

In her beautiful book Love Money, Money Loves You, Sarah McCrum describes money as an energy that thrives in movement. When we cling too tightly to resources—money, knowledge, or connections—we stop the natural flow.

But when we pass things forward—sharing opportunities, investing in others, supporting businesses we believe in—we create momentum. What we put into circulation tends to return, often in unexpected ways.

So, rather than thinking of giving as "losing" and receiving as "winning," try seeing both as part of the same cycle.

Reflection

This week, take some time to reflect on your relationship with giving and receiving:

• Do you identify more as a giver or a taker?
• Where in your life do you resist receiving?
• How could you shift your mindset to see giving and receiving as a continuous flow rather than a trade-off?

Write down your thoughts—no pressure, just exploration.

Take Action

This week, experiment with balancing the cycle of giving and receiving in your own life.

1. Give Without Overextending

Offer something—a connection, your knowledge, or an act of kindness—but only in a way that feels energizing, not draining.

2. Receive Without Justifying

When someone offers help, a gift, or an opportunity, resist the urge to deflect. Instead, accept it fully.

3. Notice the Flow

Pay attention to how generosity comes back to you unexpectedly—not necessarily from the same place, but often from somewhere new.

At the end of the week, reflect: Did balancing the two create more ease in your life?

My Journey

For years, I considered myself a?giver. I poured my time and energy into coaching, helping others, and building communities. While I loved it, I also noticed something: the more I gave, the less I allowed myself to receive, and often, the less well-being I experienced.

At first, I told myself it was just who I was — I didn't need help because, hey, I was the one helping others! But deep down, I resisted receiving it because it made me feel vulnerable. It forced me to open up and trust others for support.

Then, something shifted. I started letting things in — mentorship, other people's support, and opportunities like my Clipper sailing adventure and new role with Pathfinders, where I partner with others to realize our shared purpose. And unsurprisingly, instead of making me weaker, both have made me stronger and a better human.

Abundance isn't about giving or receiving — it's about allowing both to flow.

So here's a question I've been using to reflect on my life...

Where are you getting in the way of the natural circular flow of energy in your life?

Conclusion

This week, we explored the false divide between giving and taking—and how true abundance comes from allowing both to flow freely.

Next week, we'll dive into "Breaking the Myth of Scarcity" — challenging the idea that there's never enough time, money, or opportunity.

In the meantime, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic of abundance, flow, and alignment.

See you next week!

Andrew