Hey Shrink #7: Do You Shrink or Expand?

“Perception is strong and sight weak. In strategy it is important to see distant things as if they were close and to take a distanced view of close things.”―?Miyamoto Musashi

On tour. For over 15 years, I was the employee assistance counsellor for Seagram Ltd., in Gimli Manitoba. This plant site was the world producer of Crown Royal and housed well over 300,000 barrels of alcohol. The company expected that every week I would tour the plant, so that everyone would get to know me and I would get to know the employees. In addition, the employees - if they so chose - could request on the spot counselling assistance from me during the tours.

Under attack. I felt shy and awkward doing these amorphous tours and the experience was made even more challenging because one employee didn't like me doing this so he would take every opportunity he saw me - with heavy doses of disdain and dislike - to bellow out HEY SHRINK! - followed by a biting or disparaging comment.

Ignore it. Even though it bothered me and I knew conflict management skills I just pretended that I didn't hear it for the first few months and I would carry on with my plant tour. But because the employee worked on maintenance he could be anywhere in the plant and I could be blind-sided by his attack at any moment, in any location. I was a duck in a shooting gallery.

Do I contradict myself, very well I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes. - Walt Whitman

Bluffing. After 3 months I couldn't take it anymore, so when he bellowed HEY SHRINK! yet again, I looked at him, stood my ground, and made a bluff by using my index finger to call him towards me. To my surprise he walked right up to me, but because I was bluffing, I hadn't planned anything to say to him after he glared at me and said, "What is it Shrink?"

The crazy shrink. I knew I had to say something and I just blurted out the opposite (as people often do in conflict) by declaring, "I am not a SHRINK, I am an EXPANDER." Before those words even left my mouth, I realized how stupid that sounded and as I started to walk briskly away as I heard him mutter, "you're crazy shrink."

Keep walking. I kept walking but I turned my head to look back at him, and at that moment he smirked and I smiled and the seeds of an enduring positive working relationship were sown out of conflict. Whenever he called me shrink again, and he did so for the next 15 years, until I left that position, it felt more like a term of endearment than disparagement.

So let me shrink this story down. At times we need to shrink things down, to not let them get out of proportion while at other times we need to expand our ways of managing our life, our work, and our wellbeing. We need to be both a shrink and an expander.

Two views are better than one. I came to embrace the powerful roles both shrinking and expanding can play in our navigation through life and I stopped believing that calling myself an Expander was stupid. I also decided to call this Newsletter, Hey Shrink - because it still sounds both funny and endearing to me and it was a unique calling I received for the work I do.

Those who laugh last. One way that I personally shrink problems is to get perspective on them by expanding my view of the problem and myself with humour. The playful and inventive Charlie Chaplin once wrote:

Life is a tragedy in close up and a comedy in long shot.

A sliding continuum. The same thing in our life can be viewed by what, on the surface, seems to be two opposing perspectives. I encourage you to develop flexibility on your personal perceptual continuum of SHRINKING-------and--------EXPANDING.

Bet on a long shot. I leave you with this invitational question for consideration: How long does it take me to transform tragedy into comedy by taking a long shot on tough situations and experiences?

Hey Shrink: Psychological Zingers for Better Living, Working, and Wellbeing is a weekly newsletter offering perspectives, nuggets, nudges, considerations, or ideas to enhance your wellbeing. I bring 25 years of my counselling knowledge, experience, and perspective to help you and others improve their living, working, and wellbeing. I am available for online and in-person workshops, coaching, and caring conversations. If you want more zing in your life and work message me directly though LinkedIn or email me at: [email protected].

Next week's issue: Hey Shrink #8: YET

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