Hey Shrink #6: Taking Turns with Anxiety

To everything turn, turn, turn. There is a season turn, turn, turn. And a time to every purpose under Heaven. ~ Pete Seeger

Happy New Year. I trust you will experience an engaging and enthralling 2023. This is the sixth and final issue of the Hey Shrink series devoted to reducing, alleviating, or managing anxiety.

This post will help you "take turns" on anxiety. I first learned about turning from John Gottman's insightful work on relationships. Relationships grow or diminish based on how the partners either turn towards, turn away, or turn against each other after one of the partners makes a bid for connection.

In Interpersonal Relationships Turn Towards Instead of Away. At the six-year follow-up, couples that stayed married turned towards one another 86% of the time. Couples that divorced averaged only 33% of the time. See Zach Brittle's fine article on bids and turns in relationships to learn more about bids and turns.

Karen Horney a psychoanalyst also used the framework of turning towards, away, and against in understanding some of the neurosis that people experienced.

I never really look for anything. What God throws my way comes. I wake up in the morning and whichever way God turns my feet, I go. ~ Pearl Bailey

Today, I invite you to think about being in relationship with your own anxiety. You can turn away from your anxiety by distracting yourself, giving up, or doing a host of things to divert your attention. You can turn against your anxiety by fighting the anxiety through willpower or using cognitive frameworks to dispute the faulty thinking that is creating or contributing to the anxiety. Or you can turn towards your anxiety by being mindful, thinking about what the specific anxiety is "telling you" or accepting the anxiety and recognizing the difficult time you are having without beating yourself up for feeling so anxious about your anxiety.

Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. - Vaclav Havel

No right turn. When I started to compose this article I intended to show that turning towards anxiety is the best thing to do but as I wrote and revised this piece I realized that the best thing is to have all 3 turns in your repertoire to manage your own anxiety.

Ask yourself: In what direction should I turn in regards to my anxiety, that will be most helpful to me?

Remember, there is no right turn and I trust that things will turn out alright for you. Take care and carry on caring!

Hey Shrink: Psychological Zingers for Better Living, Working, and Wellbeing is a weekly newsletter offering perspectives, nuggets, nudges, considerations, or ideas to enhance your wellbeing. I bring 25 years of my counselling knowledge, experience, and perspective to help you and others improve their living, working, and wellbeing. I am available for online and in-person workshops, coaching, and caring conversations. If you want more zing in your life and work message me directly though LinkedIn or email me at: [email protected].

Next week's issue: Expanding on The Origin Story of 'Hey Shrink'.

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