Hey Impostor... Yes I`m talking to you!

If only I knew then what I know now!

We've all heard that saying more times than we care to remember and if the truth be told the person we've heard saying it the most is ourselves!

But I doubt if many people have actually ever given it the depth of thought so as to actually consider the question….

What if I really did know then what I know now and how would things be different?

But I'd like to be clear about what I'm trying to address here. What I'm not talking about is the houses you would have bought or the shares in Amazon you would have purchased.

I'm talking about you and the psychological impact it would have had on you if you really could have known then what you now know!

To best illustrate what I mean let me share my own observations through my own experiences.

School for me was an absolute nightmare! I was abused by my father physically and mentally for sixteen of the first twenty years of my life and the way he treated me was extreme.

On one occasion he tore all my clothes off and put me in one of my mother's dresses and pinned my hair back like a girl before hanging me from the gutter of our bungalow from a butchers hook and it affected every aspect of my life.

At school I appeared vulnerable which caused me to be a victim of bullying and I suffered from severe impostor syndrome even though I had no idea what that was at the time.

During my school years I probably fought half the boys in my year and every day was a battle both physically and mentally and although it would have been easier just to remove myself from this world. I knew at some level that the life I deserved would come as long as I could somehow ride out this living hell.

I was quite tall as a teenager and I developed a stoop through trying to make myself shorter so I wouldn't stand out. I was overpowering when I had friends as I tried to tie down everyone that came into my life for fear of losing them.

It is now known that as a child I utilised my mind in powerful ways in order to protect myself from psychological damage .

One of the first tools I began to use unconsciously was visualisation. As a teenager I used to go to bed around six thirty PM. Why? Because I just wanted to get rid of the days as fast as I could as I had the belief that everything would be OK when I was twenty!

I visualised two things continuously…

The first was racing in motorcycle scrambles or motocross as it is now known. I would see myself winning races every single day of my life. But I didn't just see it I felt it through every pore of my being. I used all of my senses to fully immerse myself in the experience although it was all at a subconscious level. After all I was only eleven years old at the time.

However the visualisation had in truth begun many years before when I used to watch the speedway on a Saturday afternoon before heading out to the garden to sit on the imaginary starting line waiting for the tapes to rise before charging to the first corner to beat Olly Olsen and Anders Michanek to win the race

By the time I actually got to the starting line at age twelve I had been programming my mind to win for years unbeknownst to me. By the second race I was out in front and I remember the confusion that was going through my mind as I tried to work out in my head why I felt I had done this before!

The second thing I used to visualise was the thing that actually kept me alive!

Every single night I used to visualise this bedroom with a beautiful dark haired woman sleeping in a bed with a little girl beside her with her arms flailed above her head. Next to the bed was a cot with another little girl in it. She had short blond hair and a little blond tuft that stood out on top of her head.

The strangest thing about the vision was that the room was bathed in an orange glow.

I visualised that beautiful little family every night from around the age of ten until my eighteenth birthday which was the day my parents divorce came through and we would leave the house forever.

I remember running into my dad's arms and weeping uncontrollably. It wasn't for what we had that I cried; it was for all the things I hoped could be but now never would.

Years later when I was thirty years old I arrived home after a night trying to sell life insurance to two aging hippies who smoked hash all night. I didn't get home until just before midnight which would have normally left me feeling very irritated but for some reason unknown to myself I felt extremely chilled out and relaxed.

I got changed in the bathroom and tried to sneak quietly into the bedroom….

As I opened the door to the bedroom something quite bizarre happened. I began to tremble and weep uncontrollably. I was more than a little concerned as I was afraid I might be having some sort of a breakdown. Then it hit me. As I stood there trying to work out what was happening to me I looked at my beautiful wife laying there asleep with her dark hair spread across the pillow.

Next to her lay my little girl Chloe with her arms flailed above her head as her little sister Robyn was sleeping in the cot next to them with her little blond tuft of hair on top of her head. But there was one more thing and it was what had made me realise what was happening. The room was bathed in an orange glow as my wife had been out that day to buy a soft glowing lamp so that I wouldn't disturb anyone as I clambered around the room in the dark when I returned home late at night. The orange glow had caused me to remember the vision I had so many years ago and in that moment I knew that I had made it to the safe place I clawed my way towards most of my life.I had made it home.

In that moment I suddenly came to realise the power of what I had unconsciously discovered as that small abused boy so many years before and I utilised it to achieve my dreams as well as the many other tools I had discovered and come to recognise as I delved back into my young life.

I used visualisation continuously and came to realise why I had used it so effectively from the right time of day and the other aspects that are required to make it work at its best for me.

I went on to win the British sand racing championship round in Jersey at just twenty years of age. I remember clearly as I would visualise seeing myself rolling out to the starting line with the picture in my head that I was Charlton Heston in Ben Hur. The power of the vision made me feel so powerful that winning was just a formality.

I even used it to become a success in the life insurance industry where I went on to become one of the top 1% of salespeople in the world. Which in turn created a demand for me as a speaker and a coach which I feel was my true calling in life.

Everything happens for a reason but we need to be consciously aware of it in order to be awake to the opportunity when it arises.

To steal a line from Tony Robbins. “I don't tell this to impress you but to impress upon you” There is an incredible power that lies within each and everyone of us.

You really just need a guide to help you bring it out. Make no mistake it is within you.

I used to be the guy in the audience that used to listen to all of the successful people who had achieved their dreams with the same thought repeating in my head.

“I can see how it would work for you but it would never work for me!”

Does that sound familiar?

That's impostor syndrome. The feeling that you are incompetent at some level. 

The dread of being “Found out” that you're just not good enough.

That you simply aren't enough.

That horrible thought that if your partner really knew you that they would never have accepted you.

That your whole life is just a lie and that it's just a matter of time before it all comes out.

You think it's just you but you are not alone!

70% of people experience impostor syndrome on a regular basis.

It's the killer of dreams and it robs you of the joy of achievement as you rationalise away your success as you tell yourself.

“It was just a fluke”

or

“That's not like me” just before you suddenly revert to type!

I can help. I am one of the few coaches who actually truly speaks from experience.

The life you deserve really is on the other side of your thoughts.

If you would like to take advantage of a free call.

Send me a message through any of the social media platforms where you read my article or email me at [email protected] 

I have limited availability so act now. 

I can't wait to hear from you.

Mark Anthony

Mark Anthony is a Speaker. Executive coach and the author of “An Unbreakable Spirit”

A survivor of nearly two decades of mental and physical abuse before going on to beat cancer after being misdiagnosed twice leaving him with less than a 20% chance of survival and a 90% chance of a brain tumour within 12 months if he survived.

He attributes his survival to his studies in human potential and beliefs.

He went on to rank in the top 1% of salespeople in the world.

Mark pioneered the coaching industry in the Channel islands in 1994 and has delivered his powerful life changing talks on sales, mindset and storytelling in business for over twenty five years.

He delivers his life changing talks and coaching to clients all over the world.

Mark speaks and coaches from his own powerful real life experiences.