Hey, Have You Tried Parenting Your Kid?

Mike Chitwood is the sheriff of Volusia County (basically an exurb of Orlando), and he’s had enough.

This kid above in the photo is eleven years old, and apparently he made threats to shoot up his middle school. When confronted by law enforcement, he immediately back-tracked and said it was all a joke. So, Chitwood ordered the kid (again, 11 years old) to be perp-walked. Here it is:

Obviously, because we live in a polarized society where everyone has access to some platform and 7 in 10 people are parents, we had a lot of “hot takes” on this. I would say most parents, or people in general, said this is good, and kids + parents need to be held accountable for either real or potential violence. (Who disagrees with that? I’m not sure.) But of course, we had some comments like “I hope his family sues you for perp-walking a minor on camera!” Now, if the family is a certain degree of entitlement, they probably will sue, even though their kid did something bad.

Chitwood himself doubled down even further in a press conference:

Basically, he tells parents to do their job. Again, no one should disagree with that, but many do. More on that in a second.

We need to first address why Chitwood is mad. He’s not specifically mad about school shooters, although I assume that would piss off any cop. He’s mad because people call this specific Florida tip line, which I believe is called Fortify Florida, and most of the claims are bogus — like middle schoolers fucking around. That's costing his department resources and time in terms of investigating these claims and tips, and also pulls them away from investigating what could be more serious crimes, or shootings that actually materialize. What he’s saying to parents here is, “Get control of your kids.”

Here’s my personal take on it: first, you can ignore me if you want because I don’t have kids, because I think my sperm is shitty. It's sad, but let's put the caveat out first. Now, here’s what I think is happening. I’ll number it out.

1. I think we kinda turned parenting into an Olympic sport in the last two decades, especially above a certain socio-economic line, and we also had to increase the amount of two-income households because of “Biden’s America,” wait, no, corporate greed. That’s what it actually is.
2. So parents are burnt out and stressed, and as a result, they are often less active parents, because even though every guy in the fucking world claims to be “a family man,” in reality they’d answer an email from their boss 3x faster than they’d take their kid to go kick a soccer ball around. That's just facts for many guys, and some women too.
3. Kids are, ostensibly, raised by a combination of their parents, their grandparents (if alive and local), their day care staff, their teachers, their school admins, and their phones. It does “take a village” but we’ve warped the definition and context of “village” since maybe 2005–2007.
4. Kids also are at an age where they want attention, especially if they’re one of multiple siblings or dealing with “a fix-it baby” or whatever else. The easiest way to get attention is to do something drastic. A lot of conservatives believe that's what is behind the trans movement. I don’t fully agree, but I am sure there are some kids who claim to “identify” as something else just to get attention from their absentee Parents.
5. Unfortunately, a lot of parents are also “raised by their phones,” in that they want attention and good vibes from how good they are at parenting, and/or how cute their kids are, and/or all the other things that come with that. So they like the external validation too.
6. You come to a crossroads where a lot of kids aren’t actively parented, a lot of parents are buried-in-the-phone too, people are all seeking attention and belonging, and stuff like the above happens.

Chitwood is right to call this out, though. I can tell you as someone who goes through infertility that a very frustrating aspect of young adults is that they constantly talk about their kids and how they’d “do anything” for their kids, and how their kids are “their life,” and then you go to dinner with the family, and the kids are throwing rocks at each other, and the parents aren’t speaking, and both are on their phones. It almost feels, often, that kids are the destination, but people aren’t that concerned for the actual journey. And if a few 11 year-olds need to get perp walked to showcase that point, I am OK with it.

There is one other wrinkle here. You may remember the Crumbley trial, where parents in Michigan got jail time for their kid’s school shooting.

I have a few friends in Texas, which obviously leans right/red, who are aghast that parents can be popped for the actions of their kids. You look at these people’s kids and you realize, OK, these kids seem functional, but all it takes is one or two major reversals and maybe they do something bad at a school. And those parents don’t want to end up in the pokey for 16 years + be branded as a bad parent in YouTube comments. So, instead, they blame the prosecutor and say it’s “overreach.” Matt Walsh and other Daily Wire guys do this all the time.

I’d say: if you’re gonna have unprotected sex with your spouse (or anyone) and know the potential consequences, well, once those consequences come, that’s now partially your responsibility — and legally, a kid is your responsibility until he or she is 18. (It’s really longer than that, especially with American “failure to launch” narratives, but say 18 for this discussion.)

So if your underaged kid shoots up a school, yes, you should get popped.

But if you look at the YouTube comments on the 11 year-old perp walk above, about 35% are people saying “Ugh, these cops are so ridiculous.” I would bet you $100 that those comments are from parents who secretly realize, “Oh shit, in a parallel context, this could be my kid.” But no one can admit they’re a shitty parent, because then the central narrative of their life (or the one they hide behind) is up in smoke. So instead, we blame the cops and the DA. Ironically, I would bet many of those commenters are big “Back the Blue” people. I digress.

Chitwood is right, though: if you ain’t gonna raise your kids, I guess he has to.