Hey Dudes

I have a simple message about men's health: It's OK to put yourself first.

As you can see, I have facial paralysis. I also have a marvel superhero picture on my window that I really should take down.

My form of facial paralysis is called Ramsay Hunt Syndrome. It's rare, painful and takes a long time to recover from. The shingles virus, varicella zoster, has caused some damage to my facial nerve, disrupting the neural pathway between my brain and facial muscles, so I have lost all facial symmetry.

I can't blink, so my eye is watering constantly. My vision is blurry. I get headaches, and my nerve pain, which is slowly improving, feels like a punch in the face. My energy is about 70% on a good day.

My job depends on constant first impressions and having Bruno Mars levels of energy all the time.

It's been 3 months, and I have no idea when it will come right. There's really nothing I can do about it other than take vitamins and rest.

So why am I writing about men's health? Women get Ramsay Hunt Syndrome too, especially when they pregnant or raising young kids.

The thing is, my friends are having strange things happen to them too. One guy has developed a severe allergic reaction to common foods. One developed a skin condition. One has inflammation in all of his joints. Another went to hospital for a spinal infection.

The common thread? All have stressful jobs, mortgages, and kids at home. All put their families' well being ahead of their own.

When I told a friend that my wife was pregnant 7 years ago, he told me "now is the time for the hard yards". It reminded me of simpler, muddier times where you put your body on the line for your team. Trouble is, if you keep putting your body on the line, in the long run your immunity wears out and you get sick.

People talk about Men's health in terms of prostate cancer and suicide, but they don't talk about the effect of working full time when you have been up all night with a crying baby. They don't talk about having a mortgage and 3 dependents and getting unexpected bills when your wife is on maternity leave. They don't talk about the hero complex and the unrealistic, unreasonable expectations you put on yourself.

So dudes, it's ok. I get it. It's hard.

What to do?

Here are a few things I've learned:

• Slow down and breathe. Deep and long breaths, multiple times a day. Train yourself to be able to move from the sympathetic nervous system to the parasympathetic nervous system. Look that up. 5 deep breaths would do it. Do what you can do minimise cortisol in your body, even if you can't avoid all of the stressors in your life.
• Do something every day for strength. It's amazing what doing push ups every day does for your confidence. I used to do push ups while waiting for the kettle to boil and toast to pop in the morning. It was the only time I could find! When you have a chronic illness you would pay for this kind of energy.
• Accept that when you have children in daycare you won't have money for holidays and expensive material possessions. Don't compare yourself to people with more than you. There are plenty of people with less, and there are plenty of good things you can do for free. Just tell people you're a minimalist..
• Actively listen to your body. How are you feeling? What's happening to your breath? Have you had enough sleep? If not, how can you make sure you have an early night tonight?

These next 5 points are based on Martin Seligman's book Flourish, which I recommend.

• Find something to do every day for your own pleasure or amusement. Yesterday I sang 'Last Dance with Mary Jane' really loudly while I was driving. Let them stare. Who cares!?
• Fully commit to whatever you're doing. Engagement actually lowers stress, while self-doubt, distraction and multi-tasking all raises it.
• Spend time with your male friends, surfing, golfing or watching sport. I know you've got kids and your wife is tired. Find a way to make it up to her. Taking the kids to the park usually works. The more you cultivate your male relationships the less your wife has to deal with your baggage. Win. Win. Encourage her to do the same.
• Try and relate things to a higher meaning, like, 'I'm working hard so we can give my kids the best start in life' or something. Remember your work is important.
• Savour any small everyday accomplishment, like cooking a good dinner or writing an epic LinkedIn post.

OK dudes, enjoy your perfectly symmetrical smiles and good health. Don't wait until you get sick or Movember to start taking care of yourself. Take your leave, and take pride in your responsibilities as a husband and father. You wouldn't swap it for anything.

Just remember that we're only human, and most of the pressure is in your mind. Your well-being is important, and the better you feel the more energy you have to give.

The consequences of putting yourself last are serious and possibly permanent.

Put yourself first, fill your cup and you'll have more to give.

Your family will thank you for it, eventually!

Thanks for reading.

By the way, I'm in recruitment, but employee well-being has become a passion of mine (not just for men!). If you are concerned about your staff's well-being and want to chat, feel free to contact me. If you're in Auckland I could come out and see you. Beware I might pitch you marketing candidates : )