He's Right Where He's Supposed to Be

"Thank you so much for having all of the evaluations completed. After detailed review, Zac is diagnosed with ADD and unspecified hyperactivity."

This moment last week was one of the most memorable instances of just being.

As I sat there and listened to the pediatrician explain more about the condition I simply was - not mad, angry, sad, joyful, happy. I didn't feel any emotion - in the most powerful way.

When I looked over at Brad I could tell he was in the same state because if we could have spoken in that moment we would have both admitted we knew it was coming. Once we started down the path of investigating his behavior from a different lens, parents' intuition gave us the answer before the official diagnosis.

In that same moment, I looked over at Zac fidgeting on the exam table, making every intentional effort to crinkle that damn paper. I smiled and thought to myself,

He's right where he's supposed to be.

Big Brother

Over the weekend we sat Tyler down to explain the situation. We talked what the condition means and for Zac specifically moving forward. We explained why Zac can act a certain way in specific instances and why it may not make sense to us in the moment. That our role is to be a supportive front for Zac, to be more patient in those tense moments.

He sat there shaking his head in agreement with the most adoring look of love and support and said, "I'm his big brother. I will look after him at school and make sure he has everything he needs."

With tears of immense love and adoration for both of them, I smiled and thought,

We are so damn lucky to have been given Tyler. And Zac is right where he's supposed to be.

Swimming

On Monday, I approached his swim coach to inform him of the situation and talk through what this could look like in the pool. The first words out of his mouth, "I was given the exact same diagnosis when I was in 7th grade." It took every fiber of my being to hold back the tears that were rushing to my eyes.

And in that moment I was taken back to a few months earlier when I questioned whether we had made the right decision with this team. As I stood there listening to his insights and experiences, he explained everything we see in Zac to a tee. He provided a wealth of additional resources to explore and reassurance that he was completely dedicated to supporting Zac in every way possible.

I walked away, allowed the tears to flow, and whispered, "He's exactly where he's supposed to be."

Emotional Regulation

Two days later back at the pool, Zac was in complete and utter meltdown mode. One of the most empowering things I've learned about the condition is that six major executive functions can be impaired by it. The biggest for Zac is emotional regulation. And now I fully recognize when he's stressed, anxious, scared, or nervous he goes from 0 to 60 in 1 second flat. His brain struggles to process the emotions and so he expresses them in the only way he can access right now - lashing out.

As I utilized every tool in my parenting toolbox with my patience running on empty, I walked away, took a deep breath and reminded myself,

He's right where he's supposed to be.

Snow Day

Fast forward to yesterday. 10 inches of snow on the ground. No school. Worry and anxiety arose in me wondering what the day would be like.

In four simple words: Pure and utter bliss.

At the end of the day, while he and I were reading together, I relished in how easy and effortless the day seemed. He handled being told no like a champ. He handled having to wait for what he wanted without crying or screaming. It was one of the best days we've had in quite some time.

Ten minutes later I kissed him goodnight and said, "I love you, sweetheart. You're right where you're supposed to be."

Conclusion

There's no doubt in my mind Zac was made just the way God and the Universe intended and that he will be WILDLY successful in this life. He's unbelievably creative, loving, and hilarious; his brain just functions in a different way. And now that we all have awareness to this situation, we have the opportunity to learn and grow as a family; to support him in a way that works exactly as it's intended for him.

There's absolutely no way we can prepare for the curve balls that life throws us. In those moments, it's really easy to get sucked into the fear of the unknown, the anxiety that comes with figuring out a new path, and avoid moving forward because it can be really hard. We're human! Of course that happens. We love routine, we love knowing just what to do. And when life throws a curve ball, we want to duck and avoid it. But sometimes, we stick out our hand and catch it just before it hits us square in the face. We take our moment to acknowledge what happened and smile to ourselves thinking, "Yup. This is right where I'm supposed to be."