"He's Just Looking for Attention"...Yes, Exactly.

Teachers often observe a pattern in their classrooms: certain students disrupt lessons, act out, or monopolize discussions. A frequent explanation for these behaviors is the dismissive remark: "They’re just looking for attention." While this statement is often accurate, the undertone implies that attention-seeking is inherently negative. This framing ignores a crucial truth about human behavior, particularly in children: the need for attention is natural and often essential for their well-being. By reframing how we view and respond to attention-seeking behavior, educators can transform disruptions into opportunities for growth, connection, and learning.

Attention: A Fundamental Human Need

Attention isn’t merely a want; it’s a foundational human need. Maslow’s hierarchy places love and belonging at its core, underscoring the importance of relationships and social connection in human development. Children seek attention as a way to fulfill this innate need, particularly when they feel overlooked or undervalued (Maslow, 1943). For students, attention often signals affirmation: “You see me. You value me. I matter.”

Research supports this perspective. A 2021 study in the Journal of Child and Family Studies found that children exhibiting externalizing behaviors, such as hyperactivity or defiance, often lacked consistent positive attention at home or school. These behaviors can function as adaptive strategies to elicit responses from adults, even if those responses are negative. Recognizing this dynamic can help educators reframe attention-seeking behavior not as defiance but as a cry for connection (Perry & Szalavitz, 2017).

The Problem with Dismissive Framing

When teachers respond to attention-seeking with irritation or punishment, they risk perpetuating a cycle of negative behavior. The implicit message becomes: "Your need for connection is wrong." Such responses can alienate students, fostering resentment and disengagement. Over time, these students may internalize the belief that they are inherently disruptive, further eroding their self-esteem and sense of belonging.

Dr. Ross Greene, author of The Explosive Child, emphasizes that children do well if they can. Most misbehavior stems not from malice but from unmet needs or lagging skills (Greene, 2014). By interpreting attention-seeking through a lens of compassion rather than frustration, educators can uncover the root causes of behaviors and address them constructively.

Reframing Attention-Seeking as Connection-Seeking

One powerful shift is to replace the term "attention-seeking" with "connection-seeking." This subtle change reorients educators to see behaviors as attempts to build relationships, even if clumsily or maladaptively expressed. Connection-seeking implies that the student values their relationship with the teacher and peers, offering a foundation upon which to build trust and rapport.

For example, a second-grader who interrupts class may not simply want to derail the lesson. Instead, they might feel insecure about their abilities and crave reassurance. By addressing the root concern—providing encouragement or opportunities for success—teachers can meet the student’s need proactively, reducing the likelihood of future disruptions.

Strategies for Healthy Attention

Here are evidence-based strategies educators can use to provide students with the positive attention they need:

1. Proactive Affirmation: Praise students for positive behaviors rather than focusing on negative ones. Research shows that a 5:1 ratio of positive to corrective feedback fosters a more supportive classroom environment and reduces behavioral issues (PBIS Framework, 2021).
2. Establish Predictable Routines: Consistency helps students feel secure and reduces the anxiety that often underlies attention-seeking. Greeting students at the door or holding daily check-ins can provide reliable moments of connection.
3. Teach Emotional Regulation: Incorporate social-emotional learning (SEL) to help students identify and articulate their needs. Tools like emotion charts or mindfulness exercises can empower students to express themselves constructively.
4. Offer Leadership Opportunities: Redirect attention-seeking behaviors into productive outlets. Assigning roles like classroom helper or peer mentor channels students’ energy into meaningful contributions.
5. Practice Active Listening: When students act out, pause to listen. A simple “It seems like something’s bothering you—do you want to talk?” can de-escalate tensions and show students they are valued.
6. Model Healthy Attention-Seeking: Teachers can share personal stories about seeking support or recognition in appropriate ways. Modeling vulnerability normalizes the need for connection.

Partnering with Families

Collaboration with families is key to addressing attention-seeking behaviors holistically. Often, students who seek attention in the classroom experience instability or unmet needs at home. Regular communication between educators and parents can align strategies and reinforce positive behaviors across settings.

For example, if a teacher notices that a student thrives on structured praise, they might suggest that parents implement a similar approach at home. This consistency creates a seamless support system that bolsters the student’s confidence and self-regulation.

Toward a Culture of Connection

Reframing attention-seeking as connection-seeking challenges the traditional punitive approach to classroom management. It encourages educators to view disruptive behaviors not as problems to be fixed but as opportunities to meet students where they are. By fostering a culture of empathy and belonging, schools can become spaces where every child feels seen, valued, and supported.

This paradigm shift doesn’t mean tolerating disruptive behavior—it means addressing it at its roots. Providing students with healthy outlets for connection can reduce misbehavior while fostering resilience, self-esteem, and academic success.

In the words of Dr. Bruce Perry, a leading expert on trauma-informed education: “Relationships are the agents of change, and the most powerful therapy is human love” (Perry & Szalavitz, 2017). By embracing this philosophy, educators can transform attention-seeking behavior from a source of frustration into a catalyst for growth.

References

1. Maslow, A. H. (1943). A theory of human motivation. Psychological Review, 50(4), 370-396.
2. Greene, R. W. (2014). The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children. HarperCollins.
3. Perry, B. D., & Szalavitz, M. (2017). The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog: And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist's Notebook--What Traumatized Children Can Teach Us About Loss, Love, and Healing. Basic Books.
4. "Positive Behavioral Interventions and Supports (PBIS): A Framework for Schoolwide Discipline." U.S. Department of Education, Office of Special Education Programs, 2021.