"He's Aggressive."
As a Black man in a professional setting, you may have been told, felt, or heard that you come across as "aggressive."
Even though you are confident of what you think and tell your coworkers and bosses about it, they may see your answers and even your presence as threatening.
So you must consider two things: how others perceive you, and how you perceive yourself.
What does it mean?to be aggressive?
According to the definition, aggressive means that you are "ready or likely to attack." It also means "to aggressively pursue one's goals and interests, sometimes to an extreme degree."
It also means "any behavior or act intended to harm a person or animal or to cause physical damage."
My guess is that you, like all of my clients, do not go to work with the intention of attacking someone.
You go to work like everyone else to move up in your career and do the tasks you are given.
If this is the case, then you are not being aggressive at work.
So, if you are not aggressive, what are you?
Assertive, confident, passionate, decisive, emphatic, self-assured, sure, etc.
What do these words mean?
Assertive:
"Willing to defend your interests and express your thoughts and emotions, being assertive demonstrates that you value yourself." Additionally, it demonstrates your awareness of the rights of others and your willingness to work towards conflict resolution. It can also mean "acting with confidence and being able to say clearly what one wants or thinks."
Confidence:
"Being confident in one's abilities and having faith in others, plans, and the future."
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At work, you should be assertive and confident, both of which are positive characteristics.
Without these characteristics, you may never obtain the desired raises, promotions, and new positions.
Still, if people think you are aggressive, you may need to take the lead to change their minds.?If you don't, it could cost you raises, promotions, and new jobs.
Here are some phrases you can use to teach coworkers how to perceive and respond to you.
"Aggression involves inflicting harm on others. I never communicate in such a manner, and I ensure the success of my entire team. However, I appreciate assertive and confident communication because it allows me to express my ideas clearly and allows us to advance projects."
"People have previously referred to me as aggressive, which is incorrect. To hurt or harm others is the definition of aggression, which I would never do. Although it is true that I am confident and assertive when I contribute my viewpoints, I respect everyone's opinion and welcome a healthy dialogue."
Homework?
You may need to teach others how to think about and perceive you in order to maintain your assertiveness while avoiding being perceived as aggressive.
Even though it's not fair that people might see you this way, you need to take action to advance your career, keep being successful, and move up the seniority and salary ladder.
If you want to learn how to get out of the "aggressive" box that could be costing you promotions, raises, and new jobs, schedule a consultation with us today.
Together, we will help you to complete our Executive Blueprint to master the soft and hard skills required to excel in corporate leadership roles.
Jewel Edward Love, Jr.
Founder, Black Executive Men
Project Manager at FDA
5 个月Just read through these comments (one year after this was posted). We have capacity to offer others an alternative view of who we are, we do not have capacity to force others to accept it. We have capacity to find alternative methods of communication better suited for the environments we find ourselves - that form of evolution is called wisdom. We do not have capacity to force others to accept our wisdom after it’s been offered. It is fundamentally responsible to be adaptable and authentic simultaneously- that exercise contributes to the foundation of personal integrity. Loved reading the exchanges here! ????
Solopreneur - Digital Marketing - Project Manager.
2 年Read through the comments, interesting discussion. “It is our responsibility to be willing to create safe spaces” What is this exactly-what does this look like beyond the abstract? Also, is this an actual statement or claim made directly to people? Meaning, are you flat-out told you’re “aggressive” or “too aggressive”-or, do you assume that’s what others are thinking (or believe)? Where does this come from, higher-ups, individuals (co-workers) or is it the company’s culture? Personally, I have never felt that it’s my responsibility to make others comfortable, and/or live down stereotypes. Anyone relying on stereotypes is a lazy thinker-it is extremely difficult to reason someone out of something they didn’t reason themselves into. It’s not impossible but it’s heavy lifting that I don’t feel compelled to do.?For the most part, those in corporate America are in fact, for lack of a better term, “culturally deprived”. Simple as. My inner work is: this is something I can’t fix or control. Take that energy, and use it to be about your purpose and your craft. Jack Johnson, Unforgivable Blackness. No apologies, live out loud.
Speaker + Thought leader | Founder @ FuturePoint Global | Educator | Writer | Podcaster | Pathfinder
2 年I just read the article. Guys, I will not sugarcoat my words. This is terrible advice to convey for black men who are misperceived by others in the work place. Of course, black men should do their own self audit, and seek outside assessment from peers, colleagues and mentors for general development in their roles like any good aspiring professional. But to ask him not be himself based on stereotypes that others may carry is degrading for that black male professional. Terrible advice gents. Terrible.
I help you transform setbacks into success without burnout or endless struggle by shifting your mindset | Professional Speaker | Author of 16 Books | Certified Life Coach | Click below to start your transformation now??
2 年The media generated narrative is that black men are all angry and violent. It is our responsibility to not act consistent with that stereotype by ensuring we have done our inner work and are able to express our emotions authentically. This can be difficult in corporate environments because of the perception that we are "aggressive". This is a reason organizations like Black Executive Men are so important. We must have safe spaces to do "our inner work" so despite negative stereotypes, we are comfortable expressing ourselves no matter what environment we may be in.