Here’s What’s More Important Than the Chances You’re Given.
“What a lucky break.”? “How fortunate to have gotten this once in a lifetime chance.”
We are constantly bombarded by phrases like these, emphasizing the significance of chances in our quest for happiness and success.??
Yet, as someone who was seldom presented with opportunities, I find myself challenging this notion. I am a brown, Ismaili Muslim, originally from Tanzania, who grew up under the care of a foster family in England. For a significant portion of my life, the only chance that came my way was the support of this compassionate foster family.? I describe this experience in my books Chasing Aphrodite and Heart of New York.
This was indeed a precious gift: their predictable rhythms and unwavering presence became my rock in a turbulent sea. Meals appeared on the table like clockwork. Each day followed a well-established rhythm, with annual events like the two-week caravan holiday to the coast already etched into the calendar, a beacon of light to look forward to.?
But it wasn’t long before I discovered that while chances like this do matter, there’s one thing that’s far more important:
The choices you make.
You see, despite my foster family’s unconditional love and support, I failed my high school exams and didn’t graduate. Then I decided to try my hand at becoming a CPA.? I took a training course, but failed the qualifying exam not once, but twice.? None of these failures were due to a lack of knowledge or understanding, but rather, a lack of focus and intent.? After failing for the second time, it dawned on me: if I did not pass this exam, the prospects for my future would be bleak.? So I made the choice to give it my all. The third time—which according to the rules was the final time I could try—I succeeded at last.???
That’s when I realized that my fate was in my hands.? It was the choices I made, rather than the chances I was given, that would shape my destiny. The foster family I was so lucky to have, gave me a grounding base to make my choices from, but ultimately, the decisions were mine to make. No lucky break or chance encounter was going to be the sole determinant of my success or failure. It was me—my will, my resilience, my desire to shape a better future—that held the power.
From that point onwards, I understood that every setback, every failure, was merely a crossroads, a moment where I could choose to find solutions and persevere, or succumb. I chose to learn from these moments, using them as stepping stones towards my eventual success.? Even after becoming a CPA, the importance of choice didn't diminish. In fact, it became even more paramount.??
Here is the truth about choice that has become my mantra:
I have chosen action, resilience, and hope—and I believe we each have it within ourselves to do the same.
So rather than wait for a chance, make your choices.? And make them count.