Here's What Often Matters More Than Winning

I live in a soccer (football) town.

My middle child played soccer from the time he was little through his freshman year of high school. However, he didn’t make the junior varsity team in his sophomore year, which essentially ended his soccer career.

He was upset but moved on, walking onto the football team instead, despite not having any organized football experience. Junior year, several of his friends on the soccer team moved up to varsity and the team reached the D1 state finals. That team returned 14 seniors this fall, fielding a squad with championship expectations. However, both the team’s expected goalies transferred to other schools.

A few of his friends encouraged him to try out in an open competition for the team’s goalie. He is tall and athletic, but he had never played goalie in an organized game in his life. However, he was intrigued, and was contemplating training over the summer to compete for the spot after joining a few captains' practices in the spring. Then on Father’s Day, he broke his shoulder in a go-cart accident, seemingly ending his bid before it started.

In a stroke of luck, he did not need surgery and healed quickly enough to be cleared to play shortly before tryouts. After some contemplation, he decided to try out and ended up making the team as its starting goalkeeper.

Despite the pressure and expectations, he thrived in the net and seemed to improve each week. The team finished second in the state, and they carried a seven-game shutout streak into the D1 State Finals thanks to an incredible defense—and some big saves.

It looked like a Cinderella story for my son and a potential fairy tale ending for his 14 graduating classmates, many of whom had played together since they were eight years old. However, the team lost in the finals to the undefeated #1 seed. It was a heartbreaking end to an otherwise exhilarating run and the boys were understandably devastated to fall just short of a championship two years in a row.

I’ve reflected extensively on this season and its unfortunate conclusion in the past few days. There are several lessons I hope my son takes from this experience that can also benefit us all.

• Sometimes things happen for a reason. Had he not been cut from JV as a sophomore, he would have missed out on making some great friends during his time away from the team—and likely wouldn’t have considered trying out for goalie. When one door closes, another door inevitably opens, even if we can’t see it at first. We simply need to be resilient enough to move forward from setbacks and be prepared to capitalize on the opportunities life brings. ??
• The journey is as important as the destination. Sometimes we make sacrifices for months or years in pursuit of a coinflip outcome at the end of an arduous journey. It’s critical to realize that you often won’t reach your intended destination, making the journeys you choose —and the people who join you on those journeys—that much more important. His team didn’t get the outcome they wanted, but they have many positive memories from an incredible season with a close-knit group of boys.
• Winning is often a game of inches. His team played well enough to win the final. Had the ball bounced a few inches here or there in a few key moments, the outcome may have been different—luck just wasn’t on their side. Such is life: sometimes fortune smiles upon us, and sometimes it can be cruel. It’s a mistake to always attribute our losses to bad luck and not acknowledge good luck’s role in our successes. Sometimes you can do everything right and it’s just not your day.
• Losing early in life can be a blessing. No one likes to lose. But throughout my career I’ve noticed early setbacks often teach resilience and patience, equipping us with the skills needed to reach future heights. Conversely, those who only know success early in life—the prom kings and queens—often struggle to cope with inevitable adversity. Life gives everyone heartbreak—experiencing it early is a hidden advantage, as it prepares us for the reality of what lies ahead.

At the end of the day, I was incredibly proud of my son and his teammates. I hope they don’t let the final game erase the memory of an amazing season.

Quote of The Week

"You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something—your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life." - Steve Jobs

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