Here's what happened to me when I quit caffeine and social media

Here's the deal: late last year, I started reading more about the effects of social media on the brain. The more I kept digging, the more convinced I was that I needed a drastic change in my life.

Yes, I am aware that I'm writing this on LinkedIn. Admittedly, I don't put Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook on the same level as the only outlet I have for professional networking during a global pandemic.

Social media is deeply embedded in my history. I remember in 2004, my high school classmates and I who were college-bound all eagerly checked our inboxes daily for the coveted ".edu" e-mail address that was our golden ticket to the exclusive Facebook. We'd sit around at Starbucks gossiping about who among us had been fortunate enough to already claim a sacred account and showing off its features.

I'm also one of the first generations that used computers in primary school. Pre-Facebook my angsty friends and I spent time in chatrooms and overshared our teen dramas and hormone-fueled thoughts on LiveJournal. So we were primed and ready to fully live our lives online for others to see.

The first step is admitting you have a problem

My partner had mentioned to me on a number of occasions last year that he thought I spent too much time on Facebook and Instagram. I blew him off. During the first lockdown, I justified my behavior because I was down and felt like there was nothing else to do.

During graduate school, I had just enough time to spend on social media. My use was intentional. I needed to establish an online presence in the UK and also keep up with my friends back home.

But in the year since finishing school, it certainly escalated beyond that.

Around Christmas last year, my partner's very valid criticism started to sink in and I started to take note of how much time I was spending online.

I'm prone to bouts of depression and have taken social media cleanses before when I was feeling low, but it occurred to me that I've never up and quit when I was in a good place in my life. For me, that was the real challenge. After all, he and I had just been reunited a few months prior after being stuck in separate countries and bought our first place. It was arguably one of the most "grammable" phases of my life.

But, when I started reading more about what social media use does to dopamine levels in the brain, how it reduces productivity, and how its designers work to keep you on their platforms like a windowless casino, I decided it might be a good move for my mental health to walk away.

Regardless of the evidence, I knew in my heart that I liked the ding of a notification a little too much. I also liked checking on how my frenemies were doing (Don't lie. We all have one on social media.)

And, I secretly wondered what it would be like to live my happy, quiet little life without telling anyone about it.

So January 1, I deleted my Twitter. I downloaded all my Instagram and Facebook data and I deactivated those accounts.

I wanted to delete my Facebook account entirely, but I realised that also meant saying goodbye to my Messenger account and living 5,000 miles away from my American friends and family who struggle to wrap their heads around WhatsApp made that seem too risky for me.

Thoughts constructed in the format of social media posts...

The first week without my social media accounts was difficult. Two days went by before something so funny happened that my first compulsion was to post it to social media before I remembered I'd given that up.

I quickly realised that my brain was now wired to want to post on social media and get those "likes." Something interesting would happen and I was so disgusted that I found myself writing social media posts in my head, even when I didn't have access to it.

If that's not addiction, I don't know what is.

Embracing life without the endless scroll

As the month of January wore on, I began to notice that my ability to focus increased. I felt more productive in both my work and home life.

My love of cooking combined with my newfound free time spurred me to read about new ingredients online and try new recipes rather than relying on my "go-to" dishes.

I started reading more non-fiction, birdwatching, and making my own candles, something I've wanted to try the last few years.

My relationships have improved too. My partner and I started cooking together, tackling risottos, fresh pasta, and enchiladas.

With my friends across the pond, I found that without the ability to oh-so-impersonally click that like button, I started actually texting them to check-in more often and ask about their lives.

In general, I feel like my conversations and interactions are more meaningful.

A few weeks in, I also started thinking more about my other addiction: caffeine.

Black, like my soul

I've known for years on some level that my 4-5 cup a day black coffee habit wasn't good for me.

I learned to make coffee around the tender age of 11 when I would prep my grandma's coffee maker in the evenings. It was a chore I loved because I knew how much she loved her coffee. She was never far from her favourite mug, which I inherited and now use daily. We always joked in our house that you never talked to grandma before she'd had that first cup.

It was only a few years later that I started drinking it and it became a daily habit and an inextricable part of my identity. I quite literally still have "Caffeine Addict" in my LinkedIn banner.

I was texting a friend in Dallas a couple of weeks into my social media cleanse and she mentioned that she had recently given up coffee and was feeling less anxious.

Once again, the wheels started turning and I started reading. Unsurprisingly, I wasn't pleased with what I found.

Over the years, my quite selective reading on coffee and caffeine had led me to embrace only the positives. I could easily justify my use. After all, I didn't load my mug up with cream and sugar. I drank my coffee black ("like my soul" I joked with far too many baristas over the years). Black coffee had antioxidants. It was an appetite suppressant. It helped boost my somewhat infrequent workout sessions.

Yet this time around I approached my research with an open mind. In some ways, I think my recent academic pursuits via my MBA have me thinking differently about a number of problems. More and more I find myself assumptions and looking at the empirical evidence instead of relying on intuition or tying my ego to my beliefs.

What I learned is that caffeine is also great at boosting my natural anxiety. It increases the heart rate and narrows the blood vessels over time.

With one side of my family plagued by heart attacks and a low life expectancy, I felt ashamed. Like I was playing with matches while doused in gasoline.

I also discovered that caffeine can affect sleep, regardless of whether one abstains in the afternoon. Sleep is a key factor I work hard to regulate with my mental health condition.

Let it go, let it go!

F**k it. Midway through January, I'd already given up my beloved Instagram account and it didn't kill me. Why not give up caffeine?

Let me just say that caffeine withdrawal certainly wasn't as bad as my 3-week bout with COVID, but it did feel a lot like having the flu and a hangover at the same time for 4 straight days.

Within 24 hours I was experiencing cold sweats. Brutal headaches. Nausea, fatigue. My skin broke out horribly.

If I had to guess, it's probably been more than 3 years since I've gone longer than a day or two without a cup of coffee.

But after those first 4 miserable days, something incredible happened.

The chronic indigestion and strange muscle twitching I've had for the last two years suddenly went away.

By day 5, the headache wasn't that bad and I had the best sleep of my life.

It felt like the kind of hard sleep I've only ever experienced after tremendous physical exertion from things like hiking a mountain for 6 hours.

Giving up caffeine, even for a few short days has had expected and unexpected advantages.

Alongside my abstention from social media, I now feel calmer and more focused than I have in a long time. I can't say for sure that it's the omission of these specific vices from my life or rather a reclaiming of control from the mindless routines I've been in. Regardless of the cause, it's working, and I like it.

Mission accomplished. Now what?

I challenged myself to relinquish my social media only for the month of January, and I never set a specific goal on giving up caffeine.

With both endeavours, I just had a vague sort of "let's push that big red button and see what happens," approach.

I didn't go into these experiments with any great hypotheses, but I don't think I'm ready to end them just yet because I like how I feel.

So I'm going to continue to teetotal when it comes to caffeine and social media.

I can't say for certain that I'll never go back, but I'm also not convinced that I've fully cleansed and begun to appreciate all the wonders of life with a little less noise and frenzy.