Here's The Muscle You've Got to Work

I’m going to give you a really simple positive psychology tool. We're going to work the muscle of self-compassion. Why does it matter?

Well here’s what I've observed: you can’t give what you don’t have. Ever notice how you’re hardest on others in areas where you are really hard on yourself?

No? Well, let's take a look. 

What’s something you recently judged someone else for? And don’t pretend you can’t think of anything. If you’re a human, you're judgmental. It’s ok! Our goal is not to avoid judgment altogether, it’s to notice it so we can observe where we need healing. 

Enter self-compassion. The next time you notice your inner voice scolding you for not making your bed or being mean to your mom or missing the deadline for that project, take a moment, and try these 3 steps:

1. Name what you’re feeling WHILE creating distance from it by saying, “I’m experiencing a little fear right now because I missed the deadline.” The word experiencing keeps you from over-identifying with the feeling. 
2. Say something kind to remind yourself it’s ok to mess up. Like, “Hey, ok so I’m late getting this done. It happens. I’m fine and I’ll get it done as soon as I can.”
3. Ask yourself how many of your friends/colleagues/family have ever been late on a deadline. Count ‘em up. I bet the list is long.

The more you take these 3 steps for yourself, (you’ve gotta practice because we aren’t wired this way) the kinder you’ll be to others. You'll question your snappy judgments and give others permission to be imperfect. To mess it up. Because we all do. 

You'll be able to truly extend compassion to others because you've stopped denying your own need for it. And, you get to work out what weighs you down.