Here's how to stop criticizing yourself
You're stupid.
You're pathetic.
You're not good enough.
You're not as fit as you used to be.
The above are just a few examples of the compassionate phrases I tell myself on a daily basis. In fact, over the past 33 years, I've mastered the art of criticizing myself.
Perhaps your inner critic uses fancier words or more colorful language, but the results are the same: destructive words that wreak havoc on your self esteem and mental health. In my lifelong quest to put an end to this habit, I've discovered one simple tool that works wonders. Do note that I'm a work in progress (aren't we all?), and I may preach a lot, but I'm still trying to apply the below on myself on a regular basis. Nevertheless, I've noticed a significant improvement when I remember to use this method.
Ask yourself: Would I talk to a friend like this?
I can not stress enough how powerful this tool is. Whenever I catch myself - and catching yourself is the hardest part (but that's what mindfulness is for) - engaging in negative self-talk, I fling this question at my unpleasant inner roommate. The answer is always a resounding no. Would you tell a friend who gained weight that they look "absolutely disgusting?" Would you tell a friend struggling at work that they're "stupid and worthless?". On the contrary – you would probably say something like: "It's okay, you're going through a difficult time, you'll lose the weight eventually" or "It's alright to get stuck at work – that's how you learn and get better." This exercise might sound cliche/cheesy/corny, but trust me, it's also enormously eye-opening. Why? Because it sheds light on the vocab you choose to use when addressing yourself. You might think that's a silly factor, but the power of words can be fiercely destructive, especially when you're hurling negative self-talk all day long. By doing this, you're effectively giving your anxiety permission to bubble beneath the surface and ultimately sink you into a negative cycle. Self destruction at its finest ladies and gents!
So try this: the next time you speak to yourself in a truly horrible way, notice what you're doing and ask yourself the question. The results may surprise you.
Read more by Nadim:
- Here's why therapy is great for you
- This is why you're not happy
- 3 ways to stop comparing yourself to others
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1 周Great work
PhD Candidate | Social and Behavioral Sciences
3 年Nadim, I always like your quotes because they are short and precise. Dale Carnegie stressed the issue of criticism in How to stop worrying and start living. This is good Nadim
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3 年We are valuable, all of us inside and out! ...and the point about how you would speak to your friends is so so true! You just wouldnt! ?? Thank you Nadim Safieddine and power to #mentalhealthawareness together. #MentalHealth #BrainHealthMatters #SupportNotSabotage
Editor l Marketing and Communication Expert
3 年Nadim Safieddine ?? very inspiring and insightful. Thank you for sharing ??
Creative Artworker | Finalizer | Innovative Designer Bringing Brands to Life
3 年A great tip Nadim to maintain value of our lives in such a world from within, thanks for sharing bro!