And here we are

Harm is never the answer.

We may see these words and quickly revert to ruts that speak of defense. We may recall the times in history when physical force was asked to protect and prevent further madness. We may even think back to our beloved stories and the necessary brute force that ended any evil torment.

For nearly all circumstances, resolution without violence is the way. And harm is never the answer.

While conflict resolution is a skilled set, and violence remains a public health problem, our interpersonal relationships change the course. If we didn’t manipulate, we are not responsible for any other individual’s words and actions. We are responsible for the effort of assertive confrontation and hope. We are responsible for our interpersonal dynamic, a dynamic that can alter another for the better. We are responsible to assertively confront potential harm.

To those around the world who share these convictions, I thank you for sharing.

Behavior scientists and intelligence communities likely have many tools for assessing potential harmers. This is why a society can carry a mock on through with the right choice; the right girl would never participate in violence. Yet behavior scientists and intelligence communities cannot change interpersonal and individual conviction. 

And here we are.

The public has been harmed by years of verbal negativity. It is unfortunate that the political world was unable to assign their individual responsibility and conviction. There is a time and place for positive advice, a time and place for assertive guidance and a time and place for specific call out. I’m calling us all out. Let us walk through some harms we may face on a daily basis as well as the hope we can place in our interpersonal dynamics. 

I wear the responsibilities of harm prevention, interpersonal dynamics and hope well. In my heart, I wouldn’t mind if this fashion attracted an extra side glance from my artist partner volunteer.

A. Be responsible for interpersonal dynamics with loved ones. When you do not speak to your loved ones about potentially harmful words, there is a failure to the interpersonal relationship. This nonperformance rightfully speaks against potential future leadership opportunities, by the way. 

On Brown County, Indiana, trips, our family was changing. Sisters growing as teens, parents were re-navigating the empty nest futures, grandparents were holding tight to the years. My Grandma and I were holding tight, we were close, neither a harmer. We even shared convictions of prayer. She prayed for individual first responders when she was alive. Today, I pray with each siren, just as Ms. Brown offered our Sunday class. My Grandma loved my Boston hat wearing friends, I loved her and Grandpa’s couple friends. She was a young soul with an energetic vibe, and normal generational differences didn’t always apply. We shared lively evenings and Kentucky memories in our modern clothes. We talked of new music alongside Viper backdrops. She did fail to understand some modern takes on various comments. I did assign this as generational, even though I understand variance. In my personal 38 years of life, more challenges on words have to be made for older generations. 

On one Brown County trip, relaxing lawn time emerged. She made a brief comment as a joke, and I wondered if she knew it could be misconstrued. My teenage voice quickly challenged that the joke may be misconstrued as biased and I didn’t like it. Her facial expression saddened and I realized she was affected, she hadn’t realized the extent another would interpret. Later on, I'd felt like maybe I'd overreacted. Her words were not derogatory or demeaning, and I may have been sharing another's sensitivity. Still, if one person mentions that certain words may hurt, I'm obligated to share. And I passed the education along to my Grandma. For the remaining 20 years of life, she never made a comment like that again. Not to me, not when I was in another room, and not to anyone else to my knowledge. She was the best and, out of her respect for me (even as a young girl), I learned to put as much effort in adult personal growth as she.

We have a responsibility to our interpersonal relationships, when we know our loved ones are not harmers and when we know words could harm. Not all loved ones may change their words; we have a responsibility to denounce words, first when we know better and others do not. Second, when we know better and bullies with microphones do too. Every time.

There are a thousand examples of missed opportunities with current political language, instances that could have been challenged. These instances were not challenged, and the public has been harmed. The loved ones and friends supporting those who speak these words should have supported their interpersonal responsibilities instead. 

We all have impure hearts, and conviction isn’t bought or parented continuously. When you love another, you want to prevent them from causing harm. Those that find this concept foreign in practice needn’t be assigned leadership roles.  

B. Be responsible for harm prevention with colleagues. When you do not speak to your organizations about escalation, there is potential for harm. This harm may be direct, or it may be adopted once modeled.

When I witnessed a newly hired colleague do her best to try to divert the 2013 mock, I just continued on with my career goals. The workplace became more frustrated at my ability to keep walking, I guess. Perhaps it’s like trouncing through the mud when you were told not to. Now that the knees are deep, the clothes are filthy, the mess is made and there is no one else to blame, the experience gets excruciatingly frustrating. So as the days for their mock mess got dirtier, the negative energy grew. Even my opened Christmas card read nothing except “so that you’ll always remember me”, as if I could ever forget what had happened there. 

I remember little else except her unfiltered comments, beginning on her first day with shade toward Italian mentions and ending with anger, resentment, noise and disgruntled behavior - alongside an Italian snack. Luckily the greater social movements around my volunteerism have not adopted this model. Unfortunately, this organization could not manage their own intentional escalation. Even on my last day, they couldn't help themselves but mud sling my way.

Harm did occur, even as I walked into a new life chapter. 

We all have impure hearts, yet conviction isn’t developed as a company or political continuing education credit. You either find it in your heart to not harm another and to de-escalate those who would, or you don’t. 

The current political climate watches as individuals in charge escalate tension, a potential for harm. Peer political allies who allow this are responsible for harm, and no merger or acquisition acquits. If one doesn’t have the conviction to prevent harm, one doesn’t belong in leadership.

C. Be responsible for hope. We can share this responsibility at the workplace, and in personal life.

To be direct, there are many people who tie financial wealth to rights, to abilities, to status. I appreciate the potential for health systems to reroute this ridiculous tie. I appreciate the potential to assure health equity and help those in poverty become a little more visibly equal. Responsible for hope, I am more than enthusiastic to talk it over with colleagues. Case in point: as I walked away from a 2012 job, I scribbled a note on a laptop. Signed with a friendly smile, I asked a boss not to forget about a promised conversation on poverty. How cool would it be to talk through long term care improvements and consideration of health equity for those in poverty? Imagine long term care equity regardless of attempts at class distinctions and economic geopolitics.

While this person never did reach out again to discuss poverty, I assumed the smiley face on another of his profiles meant that poverty and equality were a priority. We’ll never know, we can hope though. 

I still kept in touch with several other colleagues from past work experiences and, months after the laptop return, I noticed our text was being altered. Once emails were sent, my J’s would be replaced with smileys, or vice versa. Perhaps this meant that Microsoft Office was also prioritizing poverty and equality. Perhaps this even meant that the surveillance teams would prioritize transforming our society, so that those of lower income would be seen, treated and loved in equality, with health equity assured. Under normal circumstances, the frightening compounded harassment would have misconstrued these smiley changes online. But I have a responsibility to hope. And so I told myself that these type alterations should be interpreted wisely: that the mocked J will result in social changes toward true equality for the impoverished. 

Hope assures that we control our smiles. Anything less is just a forced grin, and anything less threatens to scar with harm. Those that do not share the responsibility to hope need not be assigned any social leadership. 

As we suit up in fashionable convictions, let us never again settle for less. We are responsible for interpersonal dynamics and we are responsible to assertively confront potential harm. We are responsible to hope.

I wear the responsibilities of harm prevention, interpersonal dynamics and hope well. Those who cannot mock my designed outfits should rethink their purchased public vote priorities. 

And here we are, awaiting the pure of our hearts to change the course of the aim.