Here feels UNFAIR, but…

This year has really been like one of those stories that you hear and dismiss as an exaggeration. I mean, how can so many dramatic things happen in just a couple of months? Each passing month literally felt like a competition with the previous one; each month fighting to see which one would knock me out. When I reflect on 2022, I literally laugh because geez! What am I? The epitome of the modern-day Job whose experience isn’t so drastic? Call me Job Lite!

Okay, firstly, I’m just going to put it out there: half of the things that happened to me this year were my fault! I asked God to strengthen my faith and if you know anything about my Heavenly Father: He won’t send butterflies and flowers to equip you with strength.??He will, usually, send obstacles to help you strengthen the faith muscles within you.

I’m still trying to figure out why I asked God, “Help me to lose taste from my mouth so that all that I desire is You”. What got into me? I mean the ‘loss of taste’ part was cool because I lost a little bit of weight – and I’ll talk about that soon – but I still cannot understand why I was challenging God like that!?

To be honest, I’ve been in a low since 2021. The last two years combined are like that part of Job’s life where a messenger would come to deliver news about a loss, and just when the messenger was concluding another one would come, and then another… and another… until there wasn’t much left to be taken! But while I felt like I was going through the valley of the shadow of death, another part of my life was like the City on the Hill – with all its lights and glory; shinning for all to see.

You ever felt like you were in a dystopia, but everyone around you is clapping for you because you seem to be at the height of the only part of your life that they have access to? Well, that was my story! I was on television, radio, in newspapers and magazines, every other week, talking about my book?Routes. So, I don’t blame people who didn’t know better for complimenting me on how “great” my year was.

Oh, but it didn’t end there! I got quite a number of compliments about my weight-loss and how great I look; but the funniest part was the unending question: “What’s your secret?” My answer: “Grief!” My sadness led to loss of appetite and the occasional irritable bowel syndrome. I was going to the gym too, but honestly all those workouts did was tone my body slightly. My weight-loss was mostly a consequence of grief and all its sequels.

But listen, my God never wastes a battle. I now for a fact that I didn’t endure months of loss, sorrow and pain to come out defeated. Oh, I know there’s a lot to gain here because God orchestrated my life with this valley included in my story. The obstacles I faced were designed to build me. The only reason He allowed me to encounter obstacles was so that at the end of the race, I would emerge equipped with the fruits of the spirit that I asked Him for. Looking back in retrospect, walking through the valley has taught me that obstacles aren’t bad – they are necessary.

But! Also, to God’s credit, I didn’t walk through the valley alone. God was intentional about sending loved ones to walk through it with me and help me carry my cross. I couldn’t be more grateful.

Unlike Job, I’m not righteous… neither am I blameless. But one thing we have in common is that we both lost a lot of things in a short period of time. And just like Job, when I lost, I fell to the ground in worship. But this isn’t something I can take credit for; God did it! You see when I asked God to help me lose taste so that all I would desire is Him, He heard me and He answered! I did not merely lose my appetite; I lost things around me that had replaced God as my daily bread. And when that happened, all I could do was cling to God because His strength is made perfect in my weakness.?

So, while here felt unfair, here is HOLY!

[First published at That Zambian Girl]