Helping those in fear find another way.

When it became clear how this current situation was unfolding, I reached out to clients to see how best I could help. What did they need on an individual and organisational level in these exceptional times.

It was wonderful to see just how well so many businesses responded. Clients wanting to know how best to support their staff. Upgrading their wellbeing strategies. Dealing with the practical side of things.

A common question I was asked was, "how can we help those in fear?" Working in collaboration and focusing on their staff needs we created webinars and videos, sharing practical tools to face what was happening.

Fear is a big topic. There are more than 50,000 books on Amazon alone, ranging from the classic 'Feel the fear and do it anyway' by Susan Jeffers to Ant Middleton’s 'The Fear bubble'. And yet we are still overcome by it in various forms. Some people more so than others. The focus of the fear over the last few months has varied, with health - self and others, finances, career/work, the future being at the forefront.

One article will not cover all aspects of what is going on. One tool though, is a start and it’s a tool that you can use for yourself, family, friends, colleagues…anyone who is willing to move away from fear and toward calm. 

In discussions around fear it is important to see fear as two things, primal fear and psychological fear. In brief, primal fear is when there is literal danger. We are physically in harms way either in the short or long term. The primal mind’s sole focus is survival. To keep you alive. In those moments it will kick in to do all that it can to make that happen. We do not need to prep for that, it is there.

Psychological fear is when the thinking mind creates scenarios that we think we have no control of and then a sense of fear is created.

For those that may not have come across this principle then this short 7 min video by Michael Neill is a great illustration;

When we are caught up in these imagined scenarios, they can seem very real. We can have physical reactions such as heart palpitations, sweaty palms, shortness of breath, nausea. And often these physical symptoms can take over so much that we get stopped in our tracks. Our thinking is overwhelmed and chaotic.

What do we do in that instance? First, look at the worse case scenario (WSC).

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Is a great question. And an invitation, if ready, to face head on the most dramatic creation the thinking mind can come up with. And you may be thinking, ‘I do that on my own thanks, don’t need to be told to go there’, as many do.

What I have noticed during coaching is that people think that they ‘go there’ but they don’t. A worst case scenario is flashed on the screen of their mind, it’s uncomfortable, scary and pushed out of the way quickly.

Working 1:1 with clients, I invite them to verbalise this worse case. Then check whether that truly is the worst it could possible be - it’s often not, often there are more fireworks, explosions and catastrophes that can be added, so we do, this may seem odd, but stick with it. Then I ask ‘OK, IF, that scenario happened, what would you do?’

Once they have given an answer, which can sometimes be ‘burst into tears’, ‘hide under the duvet’, ‘scream’ I ask what would they do after that?

And after that?

Then what?

The question is repeated as required until the person reaches either a state of neutrality or creates a ‘plan’ a pragmatic approach to what to do if this happened.

At this point, whilst we still do not want the WCS to happen, at least they know what resources they do have or what they can get in place. They become calmer and less fearful as they have faced the ‘monster under the bed’ and now know what to do.

All too frequently people want to stop here, but there is a second part to this, the best case scenario (BCS). When was the last time you thought about that? Once someone has reached the point of calm/less fear/practicality, we look at the BCS.

‘What would you do IF the BCS happened?’ and follow the same process as above. Asking them, ‘..and after that what would you do? And then?’ and so on.

We’re not looking for a specific response, as they will have already stepped away from their biggest fear.

Answers from these questions, produce smiles, calmer breathing and more plans.

The purpose of this second part is to show that there are at least two sides, two possible ways of thinking. See them both. Highlight both to the thinking, not just one side. And then give it a choice.

Both of these scenarios are imagined, they are not in reality, not actually happened. But both will have an impact on you physically, either inducing or reducing fear. At this point the question is ‘which one do you want to give your attention to?’

The answers vary as some want to take the plans they discovered in WCS and put them in place. Some want to give BCS their attention. Others may drop the whole imagined scenario ‘game’ and just do what’s needed in that moment.

There are no right answers or places that we are forcing people to get to. It’s a process to help them see that there are two sides of the coin and you can be prepared for both, this as least will help them reduce psychological fear and be able to think with more clarity.

This exercise is taken from the Leading With Belief online programme.

If you or your staff are experiencing high levels of fear or anxiety and would like to know more about the videos and webinars, please contact me direct on LinkedIn or email [email protected]