Helping People Change

Helping people change is a book for anyone who wishes to help people—managers, mentors, counselors, therapists, clerics, teachers, parents, athletic coaches, colleagues, friends. The main premise of the book is when done effectively, coaching and helping of all kinds create three specific changes in people seeking help. First, they will find or reaffirm and articulate their personal vision, including dreams, passion, purpose, and values. Second, they will experience changes in behavior, thoughts, and/or feelings that will move them closer to realizing their personal vision. And third, they will build or maintain what we call a resonant relationship with the coach or helper and ideally with other supportive people in their lives.

Coaching can be defined in 2 ways, coaching with compassion and coaching for compliance. Coaching with compassion is coaching with a genuine sense of caring and concern, focusing on the other person, providing support and encouragement, and facilitating the discovery and pursuit of that person’s dreams and passions. Coaching for compliance is where the coach attempts to facilitate the person’s movement toward some externally defined objective. Today, coaching for compliance is the default approach in many kinds of helping, from athletic coaching to teaching to parenting to the doctor-patient relationship. This is especially the case in business coaching and all too often for executive coaching, where a coach is hired explicitly to guide the executive or employee to meet specific criteria for success within the organization. Coaching for compliance is effective in many cases in achieving short-term goals and objectives, but rarely helps in a sustained change in individuals nor help the individuals attain the full potential.

Coaches have conversations with their coachees that inspire and discover what is important. Coaching is partnering with an individual or group in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential. effective coaches inspire others. After a coaching conversation, people should feel charged up, excited, and full of purposeful movement toward their dreams. But it isn’t only the people being coached who will feel charged up. Effective coaches, too, will leave the conversations feeling inspired. This phenomenon, called emotional contagion.

One factor that inspires people to change is the positive emotional attractor (PEA), which is defined in detail throughout the book. Looking for positive ways to encourage personal growth might include role modeling, envisioning future success, or asking questions that will help an individual see where they can improve. The negative emotional attractor (NEA) is a state in which people make decisions based on fear or potential consequences or because they are being coerced. Both PEA and NEA can be appropriate motivators, depending on the situation.

One building block to becoming an effective coach is learning how to ask questions. The authors guide the reader in how to utilize pointed questions to engage the PEA of the one being coached. Advising and coercion belong in the NEA category, and they do not inspire lasting change. If we truly seek positive change for those we mentor, we will enhance their vision of their ideal self. Bringing about that kind of clarity is the prize for a good coach.

Anyone involved in mentoring in some capacity should read this book. That being said, it is not a beginner’s guide to coaching. There is an assumption that those reading Helping People Change are already familiar with the role of a coach. This book will likely inspire readers to evaluate their current coaching and mentoring relationships and encourage them to seek more opportunities to coach and be coached.