Is Helping Others Really Good for You?

Some years ago, a person drove into the back of my beautiful blue Range Rover. It was an accident and it wasn’t bad. I was frustrated. Not angry. There wasn’t any point. And besides, when I was in my late teens, I accidentally drove into the back of a car causing a chain reaction that totalled 4 other cars. So it would be a bit hypocritical of me to complain too loudly. 

Shortly after, I’m waiting at the repair shop while my car is assessed. Standing on the street checking my messages, I notice a massive black American Pick Up heading down the road. These are not common vehicles in Australia so they stand out. It was very imposing with its midnight tinted windows, jet black wheels. I couldn’t help but stare. 

As the behemoth passed me, the screech of rubber being torn from the tires smashes through the air. A burning smell from the newly laid solid black tire marks lead to this now suddenly stationary vehicle. Holy crap!! Had the driver seen me staring and got pissed off? The driver’s door opens and is slammed shut by a towering hulk of a man. He wasn’t green but maybe he’d covered his body in make up to fit better into society. 

He turns, looks directly at me then like a bull charging at a matador, thunders in my direction. Oh Crap. Oh Crap! Oh Crap!! The next sound sent a shiver down my spine and made the hairs stand on the back of my neck.

You see, in my past I haven’t always been the most tactful person. Whilst always a deeply caring person, sometimes my laser focus in one direction, excluded feelings of others not on that path. For example, a long time ago while helping organise my girlfriend’s brother’s wedding, a guest parked where the bridal car was shortly to arrive. It was my job to keep this space clear. My immediate blunt remark to driver as he emerged was, ‘Where the hell do you think the bride is going to park?!’ Not my finest moment.

As the gigantic beast of a man closes the gap to me from the dark black tank left in the middle of the street, he screams out, “Damian!”. What's worse was that he looked familiar. Had I unintentionally (or maybe intensionally) pissed him off at some point in my past? Had his anger slowly built until now when he could enact his vengeance? Many thoughts like that raced through my head. 

He’s almost upon me and his voice bellows. “Damian! I did your Project Management course 2 years ago. It changed my business and my life. Saw you there and had to stop and say, 'Thank You'.”

Isn’t this sequence of events interesting. Had someone not driven into the back of my car, I would not have been standing on the side of the road at that point in time. Had I not taken the time to give a little be extra when delivering a very compelling Project Management course, then this man’s life would not have been touched so deeply.

The desire to help others is one of the gifts I am truly grateful for. Giving was instilled by my parents from a very young age. I don’t know that my parents fully understood the benefits of giving. All throughout my life its impact has been profound.

My life has had many ups and downs. Most downs were probably self inflicted. At the time of that huge car accident when in my late teens, my car wasn’t insured. The total damage was $69,000. I was without family and by myself living in Perth. My finances were clearly at a low point. Shortly after that I was out of work. I had $10 in my pocket as I walked through the Perth mall on a lonely Sunday night. 

An aboriginal man came up to me and asked if I had any change. Honestly I didn’t. I had one $10 note. That was it. There was probably a few cents in my bank account. I don’t know why, but I reached into my pocket and gave him my last bill. The reaction was amazing. Everything became slow motion. His eyes went as wide a dinner plates. His lips turned up at the edges. Then his bight white teeth shone through. He slowly took the note, turning it over to check it was real. 

Normal speed returned. He bounds into the air. Starting a jig, then a dance jumping off a seat, a nearby bin and then along a retaining wall. It’s like watching a cartoon character bouncing off walls after eating chilli. He finds his way to what I assume was his partner and he proudly holds the note for her to see, his feet still dancing underneath him. She leaps up and they both dance together around the mall. 

For longer than I can remember I stood watching this mesmerising scene. The joy expressed by these two was off the chart. What was more interesting, the glow in my heart was like a supernova. I had just given away my last $10 and yet I felt amazing. It was the best feeling I had felt for a very long time. And it’s still burning brightly inside me today over 25 years later. 

What was interesting. The next day I was woken by the phone. On the other end the person announced they needed me to start a job. Immediately! The day I gave away my last $10 was the lowest point in that part of my life. There was a long boom period after that which would make even the best stock market bull run pale in comparison.

Henry Ford once said, ‘Time and money spent helping others to do more for themselves is far better than mere giving.’

Giving is a strange phenomenon. By undertaking a selfless act you actually make your own life better. It has been shown that giving makes you happier and healthier. Giving activates the reward centres of the brain. This releases endorphins which make you feel better. 

It's supported by MRI brain scans taken of people that gave to find out what happens inside our heads. After giving, the mesolimbic system lit up. The mesolimbic system controls feelings of reward and pleasure. Giving has the same effect on your brain as things like food, drugs and sex.

That’s how giving affects your physiology. This leads to a flow on of other health benefits. 

Self-esteem and satisfaction with life, is higher amongst those that give. Self esteem is your feeling about your worth. It’s basically how much you like yourself. When you are looking after only you, your worth is limited to just you. One person. When you give, you are helping make someone else’s life better. Immediately your value is greater. The more people you help, the greater the value you are adding to the world. Hence those that give have a higher self-esteem.

One of the quickest ways to overcome depression is to shift your focus from you to others. When you feel sad, depressed or grief you a generally looking inward to how you feel. Giving shifts that focus from internal to external. Generally someone that is depressed has low self-esteem. As discussed above, giving increases self-esteem. If you are feeling sad or depressed and you don’t want to feel that way anymore, shift your focus to giving to others.

When you give, you have better physical health. This links to the above two points. Those that give feel better about themselves. They have a higher respect for their bodies and themselves, so are less likely to partake in activities that are harmful such as smoking, excessive drinking, eating lots of unhealthy foods and are more willing to be active. This naturally has flow on effects to their physical health. On top of that there is growing evidence that your mental attitude has a significant effect on your physical health. 

Those that give, live longer. A natural flow on from the other points above. When you feel good about yourself and you are healthier, you’ll live longer. 

Giving makes you happier and healthier.

Giving activates reward centres in your brain and releases endorphins.

Giving increases your ability to be liked and create social connections.

Giving raises your life expectancy.

Giving makes you feel more hopeful about the future.

Give and you are more likely to have good things happen to you.

Giving reduces the risk of mental and physical illness.

All the words in the title to this article are correct.

They are just in the wrong order.

It’s not a question - Is Helping Others Really Good for You?

What it really should say is:

Helping Others IS Really Good for You!

How will you help someone today and make YOUR life better?