Helping hands & life's wobbles

This is a sidebar with gentle thoughts about an approach to giving support to people you know, care for, work with, or have a responsibility for in some way. It takes the 'self-giving' theme onwards from a new year post about keeping the stars shining brightly.

In this approach, the view of people is of them persisting through the roar of life making use, in a metaphorical sense, of a variety of bridges or stepping stones. It's a mental image that brings out action and reaction in natural settings.?For sure, it is not the only way to think about this; but perhaps a bit different.

In the main, there are two sorts of these series of travel points. One sort relates to home life. The other relates to outside of home life, such as work and/or studies.?

For some people, these two sorts are broadly in balance and well-sequenced. The bridges or stepping stones are stable, manageable, and at the right place at the right time. Progress through life ranges from routine to breath-taking. People benefitting from this kind of context may be used to not worrying about too much. They can put all their energies and aspirations enthusiastically towards what they self-assuredly expect to be able to do.

For others, the balance between the double series of bridges or stepping stones is uneven, variable over time, and often in and out of sequence - sometimes in ways that are very unexpected. Progress through life is less certain, less predictable, less taken for?granted. Some build an ability over time to find and get the best for their lives despite this; others find it much more of a struggle.

There are times when a bridge lurches or a stepping stone wobbles. As anyone knows, landing on this kind of travel point can be rather a surprise. For some people, a mild wobble when least expected can seriously throw them off balance. For others, it would take much more of a wobble to do that.

The attitude and confidence to dealing successfully with the effect of landing on the wobble may depend on their ability to react, having had or not had that ability tested through life until then. Of course there are plenty of variables in this picture. Maybe a reflex to shift back or step on a nearby bridge or stone, and balance is recovered. Maybe a slip or a skid as well. And so on.

In being responsible for someone - as a parent, carer, manager, supervisor - the enduring task is to be watchful about that person's wobble. One should invest in the relationship so as to know enough about the worlds of both kinds of bridges or stepping stones as the person makes their way through life on them. The need is to understand the overall context and environment of any one wobble for that person when it happens.

Depending on the wobble, it might be that a person recovers balance and takes advantage of another bridge or stepping stone to help with that. So, a wobble at home might be coped with well if the bridge or stepping stone of work, say, is solid and trusted. Or vice versa. All well and good for handling the wobble independently and with little help required.

But in a situation where both bridges lurch or both stones wobble, then be ready to hold out a hand to help. This is an active ongoing habit of watchfulness, taking cues and messages from or around the person as nudges for being more present in that moment.?

Enough needs to be known about a person's double series of bridges or stepping stones and the contexts in which they stretch out ahead. The risk to manage is that one major wobble - or a minor wobble that shakes self-confidence a lot, or wobbles in both kinds of travel points - leads to a person falling down and into danger. This is when one must be there, focused on outstretching?capable reliable hands, metaphorically, to be grabbed while a person works to find inner balance again. One must use all the knowledge gently learned about that person and that person's worlds to actively make the best judged intervention possible. For as long as is only necessary.

To take on this responsibility means making sure oneself is not wobbling; or in danger of falling in; or not paying attention to context and history; or not having the aptitude to make the right calls at the right time and the right way that constitute a helping hand that is immediately trusted.

Being seen as someone who does make sure of that helps build stronger relationships, and helps others develop their ability to handle wobbles in the future with or without you there too - whether in the workplace, at home, or both.

We all want and need to get and make the most of life. Choosing to be someone who is remembered as a trusted helping hand encountered in life over those tricky bridges and stepping stones is good for you, and for those you helped.